2. My mother is still judging my spending choices hard -- well, half my spending choices, and half that I enjoy things that aren't Serious Business. It's making me paranoid, since every time I get something in the mail (which, honestly, is not that often) my mother makes comments about how I need to save my money and how I shouldn't spend money on my hobby. (Though on one occasion I was able to brandish the book I'd just gotten and go, "This is for my PhD applications! Not for fun!") But it's making me paranoid and unhappy and judged and I'm...pretty much all those things all the time anyway, so it's just heavily increasing all of those. (Like, I probably shouldn't buy things! On the other hand I did just not spend money on taking the GRE again. Unless I do have to take the GRE again. I don't know! Anyway, I'm a human disaster, but the paranoia is making me crazier than usual.)
3. I was hoping to avoid the paralyzing, nauseating dread I usually get before a new episode -- especially a season premiere -- due to the fact that I saw the Rebels season premiere at SWCE, but NOPE. I've never been able to feel anticipation or excitement, just dread. People get excited about things before they happen? Okay...that sounds fake but okay...
3a. Sometimes I really hate being in a live fandom; it's incredibly stressful for me as a fanfic writer. Especially because my fic still isn't done because, see above, human disaster.
3b. The benefit of having an Ahsoka ARC is that I can get my extreme stress about new material out of the way before it's actually released. Maybe. I don't know. If I ever read it, the thing I'm terrified of.
3c. I also can't bring myself to be excited for Rogue One because, well, it's really hard for me to be excited about anything. The fact that I'm not currently feeling complete dread about it is actually a plus, but let's wait until we get down to December to see if I have an emotion rather than "huh" about it.
4. I've pretty much hit election fatigue at this point -- I don't want to hear anything about it anymore. I'm a citizen, I'm registered to vote -- I actually sorted out my voting status before the primaries, something I haven't done in more than four years (yes, I'm the problem in this country, I know), I'm informed, there's nothing I can do until I get my ballot. I just...I wish there was a way to not see anything about it anymore. Like, sure, that's probably willful blindness, but it's not doing anything except stressing me out. And literally everything already stresses me out.
5. why am I such a human disaster, this makes number 5, right?