bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: read (bookshelf with text "read") (read (girlyb_icons))
What I'm currently reading

A lot of stuff because sticking on one book is hard: A Knight of the Demon Queen and Magistrates of Hell, both by Barbara Hambly -- the first one is a Winterlands novel and the second one is an Asher/Ysidro novel. They're both rereads, though I've only read Knight of the Demon Queen once before. Also, Witch Week by Diana Wynne Jones; I'm on a Chrestomanci rereads. A couple of other things that I keep picking up and putting down, which are also rereads: Wheel of the Infinite by Martha Wells and The Walls of Air by Barbara Hambly, the second Darwath book.

What I've just finished reading

The three Haflbood Chronicles by Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey -- The Elvenbane, Elvenborn, and Elvenblood. The first Chrestomanci book, Charmed Life (also my least favorite Chrestomanci book -- Cat sort of irritates me, and I like Christopher better, so I'm looking forward to hitting The Lives of Christopher Chant in this reread). Also, rereads of Barbara Hambly's Blood Maidens and Scott Lynch's The Lies of Locke Lamora. And various short stories by various authors.

What I'm reading next

I've got Star Wars: Catalyst and Rogue One out from the library, so I want to read those -- I'm hesitating over buying the novelization, because I'm notoriously wary of novelizations, but this one got highly recced. (Of course, Stover's RotS novelization is highly recced too and I HATE IT, so like. I'm extremely dubious of recs.) And then more Chrestomanci and undoubtedly more Hambly.
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: cup of tea on a laptop (girlyb_icons) (tea and laptop (girlyb_icons))
I submitted my sixth and final (U.S.) grad school app today, but I have no idea if any of the auxiliary materials were sent -- well, my transcripts were sent but I don't know when the Leicester one will arrive, but ETS doesn't actually tell me if they've actually sent the GRE score reports I ordered, and none of my recommenders have told me anything so I'm not sure they actually got the rec request from LSU, let alone sent the recs. NONE OF THEM. THIS IS TERRIFYING.

Like, there is so much money involved in grad school apps, and also entire future. So this is the kind of terrifying stress that's both entirely out of my hands now and also nauseating.

(Also, like, I swear to god the websites for the programs I applied to had their application dates in order of how incompetent their websites/application forms are, because this one was the worst.)
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: cup of tea and an open book (perfect (pretty_pixels))
1. Yesterday was my birthday! Not much happened because I have no friends in this town and it's too cold to leave the house (-14 F this morning, I need to move back to Louisiana ASAP), and then my ex ruined it by e-mailing me with the subject line "Happy Birthday but I guess don't read this today."

2. I've been using MonthlyInfo since 2010, and it does what I need it to, mostly, except it doesn't always e-mail me reminders so sporadically I get my period more or less on schedule but on my birthday by surprise because I would totally be one of those werewolves who's like "...the full moon again? didn't this just hapAWOOOOOOO." As far as I can tell MonthlyInfo doesn't have a mobile app (since I don't think the website has been changed since 2010), and I am trying to decide if I want to look for a period tracker app I can use on my phone. Does anyone have one they'd rec? It would have to at least have MonthlyInfo's featurs.

3. I would love to spend at least one day without looking the refrain of "we're all going to die" running in the back of my brain, but I don't see that happening any time soon. (I really shouldn't check Twitter on my phone first thing in the morning.)

4. I've been keeping reading spreadsheets for the past five or six years -- I think I started in 2011, though it could have been 2010 -- and this year I'm trying a couple other spreadsheets as well -- tea (I always forget what I've already bought or tried), cookbooks (to keep track of which ones I use and which recipes I make), and recipes (both from online and from cookbooks). So we'll see how that goes.

5. I am still -- incredibly stressed. I've got one more application due the day after tomorrow and I need to send some e-mails, because I can't tell if my rec requests went through or not, and then...the waiting game. I know everyone's like "your 20s don't define your future!" but this...kind of is my future. And also my past, since my two MAs are useless without a PhD.

5a. I need to start making some inquiries at PhD programs in the UK, except one of the downsides of the breakup is that it's also, uh, put me off the entire country. Which is ridiculous. Though the other reason doing a PhD in the UK is not the best idea is because U.S. PhD programs are funded, but UK ones are not, so I would have to find the money somewhere if I got in. I just wanna go back to Louisiana, man.

5b. Between the apps and the breakup and the weather, I'm just so stressed. And it's all manifesting in my jaw.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera with her arms folded, smiling (hera)
On the Edge of the Devil's Backbone (257399 words) by bedlamsbard
Chapters: 22/?
Fandom: Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Characters: Hera Syndulla, Kanan Jarrus, Sabine Wren, Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, C1-10P | Chopper, Ezra Bridger, Cham Syndulla, Barriss Offee, Kallus | ISB-021, Darth Vader, Ahsoka Tano, The Inquisitor (Star Wars), The Seventh Sister, The Fifth Brother
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence

Ten years after she vanished during an Imperial raid on a Twi'lek colony, Cham Syndulla sees his daughter Hera for the first time in a hologram -- now wearing the uniform of an Imperial agent and apparently working closely with a human Inquisitor. All Cham wants to do is to bring his long-missing child home to what remains of her family, but he soon finds that Hera Syndulla is only interested in two things: her duty to the Empire and her loyalty to her crew, a mismatched collection of outcasts brought together by Hera and her pet Inquisitor.

With Cham and the Rebel agent known as Fulcrum in pursuit, a new mission takes Hera and the crew of the Ghost to the planet Lothal, where a chance meeting with a Force-sensitive teenager awakens something long buried in the Inquisitor once known as Kanan Jarrus...and has dire consequences for Hera, their crew, the Empire, and the fledgling Rebel Alliance.


Preview: Syndulla's Gamble )
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: read (bookshelf with text "read") (read (girlyb_icons))
...even though it's now technically Thursday, whoops.

What I'm currently reading

Numerous things -- I'm still flipping through things without really focusing on any one. Rereads on two Barbara Hambly books, Stranger at the Wedding and Blood Maidens, as well as a reread of Scott Lynch's The Lies of Locke Lamora.

(I am also doing a mini-project over on Instagram, just for fun.)

What I've just finished reading

Barbara Hambly's The Time of the Dark (I've mentioned many times I'm on a Hambly kick, right?) and the new Seanan McGuire novella, Dusk or Dark or Dawn or Day, which came out yesterday. And a bunch of Barbara Hambly short stories (or novelettes, going by the descriptions on Amazon); for some reason I like the Windrose shorts better than I like the novels. *flips hand* I haven't read all of them, so some of them are new to me.

What I'm reading next

I had a sudden craving to reread the Halfblood Chronicles by Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey the other day, so those are up next now that I've gotten the first two from the library (I've only got the third one, for some reason).
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: cup of tea on a laptop (girlyb_icons) (tea and laptop (girlyb_icons))
I am simultaneously convinced I am good enough to get into graduate school and that I'll never get into graduate school because I'm a spectacular disaster (though not because I'm not good enough, just because I didn't have the right combination of magic words in my apps or my stupid five-year-old GRE scores).
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
1. I've got probably-a-canker-sore in the inside of my cheek, and the entire left side of my face hurts right now. If I remember correctly from the last time it happened, there's usually only a day or two of all-consuming pain before it starts going down again, and then we'll find out how much of that pain came from the sore or if part of my face is going to fall off or something. I think there's also a fairly decent chance I've been so stressed from the combo of application deadlines + breakup + weather that I've started grinding my teeth in my sleep again, which may also be contributing to the jaw pain. Right now I can't sleep on my left side, because it puts a lot of pressure on that side of my face -- this happened a few months ago too, and I've gotten stress-induced jaw pain before when I was in grad school.

I just assume any kind of pain I'm in is stress-induced and thus it can just be ignored, which one of these days is probably going to end in me dying.

2. It's been snowing for two days and I hate the fact I moved back up north so much right now. Like, I know it's in the thirties in NOLA right now, but there aren't four inches of snow there and also it's Carnival and there's also good food available, so in conclusion, I would one hundred percent rather be in Louisiana right now than in Washington.

3. I got soot on the sleeve of my white cable-knit wool sweater yesterday and I'm so bummed, I don't know how to get that out. (It's not handknit, I never managed sweaters before I had to stop knitting, but that doesn't actually...change anything insofar as the soot on wool things goes.)

4. My attention span has been so bad lately that I can't quite concentrate on reading novels, so I've been reading (mostly rereading) short stories and novellas by my favorite authors. I'm always glad when authors put their shorts up on Amazon so I can read them on Kindle without buying an entire anthology, but sometimes I wish they were a little cheaper.

5. It's just occurred to me that I could probably take painkillers for the jaw pain and that might actually work. I'm used to most of my stress-induced pain being unaffected by painkillers so there's no point in taking ibuprofen or whatever.
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: cup of tea and an open book (perfect (pretty_pixels))
What I'm currently reading

I am mostly finishing up rereads of books that I didn't finish before the end of the year -- Circle of the Moon by Barbara Hambly, which is one of my favorite Hambly novels, and Sunshine by Robin McKinley. I've got a couple other books that are currently on the backburner and which I'm trying to finish the others before going back to -- Blood Maidens, the third Asher/Ysidro Hambly novel, and Empire of Sin: A Story of Sex, Jazz, Murder, and the Battle for Modern New Orleans by Gary Krist, which I'm trying to decide whether I want to keep reading or not. I've also apparently started rereading Barbara Hambly's The Time of the Dark again.

(I don't actually recommend reading multiple books by the same author at the same time; it's a little bit disconcerting, and the recurring themes and character types sometimes get really obvious.)

What I've just finished reading

Weirdly, a lot of short stories. I don't read short stories very often, and I tend to only do so if it's an author whose novels I also like. But I started off the year by going through Scott Lynch's four shorts -- "In the Stacks," "A Year and a Day in Old Theradane," "He Built the Wall to Knock It Down," and "The Effigy Engine: A Tale of the Red Hats." Then I picked up the anthology Night's Edge and read the Charlaine Harris short "Dancers in the Dark" (fine at the time, but in retrospect I'm kind of distressed by how stalker-y the vampire love interest is) and the Barbara Hambly short (a reread) "Someone Else's Shadow," which always amuses me just because of how clearly it's dated to the early '00s. I bounced off the Maggie Shayne short in the anthology and only got a chapter in before noping out.

Also, the T. Kingfisher novel Summer in Orcus, which I liked but which also somewhat unexpectedly set off my current set of Issues -- spoilers, and also, my breakup issues ) But on the other hand, were-house.

What I'm reading next

I've got a stack of library books out, but I really want to do Gentleman Bastard and Circle of Magic rereads, so we'll see.


Dec. 31st, 2016 03:11 pm
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: woman pulling her pink corset tight (a woman's armor (ravenclawbest))
2016 was a hot mess of a year that I spent a lot of time crying through -- I probably remember more crying than there actually was, but there was a lot of crying.

The Good
- I finished my second master's degree in classical studies, along with my MA thesis, and graduated in August. At a couple of points this year I really wasn't certain that I was going to be able to do so, especially because I ended up taking an extra semester to do so.
- I went to my first convention, which also happened to be my first Star Wars Celebration, and had an amazing time and met a lot of cool fannish people.
- I wrote a lot of fanfic -- looking back, it's easy to say that this wasn't a successful year because I didn't finish anything, but I probably wrote upwards of 200K, which is, any way you cut it, a lot of words.
- For my TA job this spring, I gave my first college lecture -- just the one, but still huge for someone who's hoping to go into academia.
- I got my third tattoo, and the first one I went to alone instead of bringing a friend for emotional support.
- I did a lot of decluttering and redecorating when I moved home, which I've been meaning to do for years, and now I feel more comfortable in my room.
- I did a full rewatch of the Star Wars prequel era, from TPM to RotS and including all the Clone Wars episodes, which I've been meaning to do for years.
- I finally figured out how to wrangle my work ethic, which I've been struggling with for a long time.

The Bad
- This was probably one of the worst years ever for me in terms of emotional and mental health. I spent a lot of time crying, like I mentioned above, and the span of July-August-September is pretty much a black pit of despair where I don't remember much except for all the crying. I started out the year by refusing to talk to my father for about four months (he made me cry on Christmas day), had a vacation that was pretty disastrous apart from SWCE itself, and moved home at the beginning of August, when I had what even at the time I could identify as what was, for me, pretty severe depression.
- In November and December a very close relationship, which had been on the rocks since May and which I should have ended in July, began to crumble, and I finally ended it in December. I spent a lot of time increasingly unhappy and feeling trapped and attacked; I started to doubt almost every aspect of my personality and the way I expressed myself both online and off. My self-confidence, self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and ability to trust my own opinion have mostly collapsed as a result.
- politics

The Neutral or Not-Bad-Bad
- I moved from a city I loved back to my hometown, which I do not love but don't actively hate. I've done the NOLA-Ellensburg move several times now, and I think this final time has really cemented my desire to live in New Orleans permanently. The next time I move back, I'm not moving away again. Unfortunately, I don't know when that will be, since I'm in the middle of graduate school applications that, if successful, will determine where I live for roughly the next seven years.
- I also moved back in with my parents, which has been at times a pretty rough adjustment, coming off living alone for two years. In an apartment, in a big city, in a fairly central part of said city, in Louisiana, as compared to home, which is in a house with a fair amount of property, outside of town, in a rural town in Washington State. It's a lot of culture shock, despite the fact that this is where I grew up.
- Some of the repercussions of the move mean that I hardly ever leave my house and I have no RL friends in the same state, and since I'm not working or going to school at the moment it's meant that I've been increasingly isolated.

Things that I am hoping for in 2017
- To put up with less bullshit in hopes of not hurting anyone. Someone is already hurt; it's me, and I'm just prolonging my pain by putting someone else's needs or desires before mine.
- To try and find more peace with myself. 2016 did a number on my ability to trust literally any of my own feelings, and I want to try and undo some of that damage.
- One of the weird things that's happened over the past year or two is that I've gotten increasingly uneasy to express an opinion online, which I think is partially due to the move away from a fannish journal culture. It's resulted in me doubting myself and my opinions and being unwilling to express them, and I would like to try and take a step away from that.
- I spent a lot of time complaining this year, to the extent that it actively started to destroy my ability to actually enjoy things. This is tied up in a lot of things, including what happened with X, but the end result is that it makes it hard for me to enjoy things and it makes me doubt myself, and I need to stop doing so much of it.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
I need to do something with my Christmas money other than mail my ex's stuff to another country, which just feels like punishment, honestly.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
I think I forgot to do last week's Wednesday reads, probably because I was in the middle of my breakup meltdown.

What I'm currently reading

A couple of Barbara Hambly novels, Fever Season and Circle of the Moon, which I both only own in hardcopy. I've been bouncing from ebook to ebook, since I do a lot of my reading on my computer, but I haven't been able to settle on anything, which is frustrating me.

What I've just finished reading

Magic Shifts by Ilona Andrews, one of the -- or the? -- recent Kate Daniels novels, since my hold on it came in from the library. Dogsbody by Diana Wynne Jones, which is one of my favorite DWJ novels, though weirdly I don't actually own a copy of it. All the Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier books. And two Barbara Hambly rereads, A Free Man of Color and Sisters of the Raven.

What I'm reading next

Presumably the next Benjamin January novel, Graveyard Dust. (New Orleans, I miss it.) I also do seem to be on a Barbara Hambly binge, and I think the Asher/Ysidro novels are up next. And, well, we'll see. I've got some other books out from the library.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera with her arms folded, smiling (hera)
Well, to start with, as we were leaving the theatre someone complained that there wasn’t enough Yoda in the film, so to each their own, I guess. Personally I think there was the perfect amount of Yoda in the film, but I’m not a big Yoda fan.

Spoilers beneath the cut –

spoilers! )
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera with her arms folded, smiling (hera)
Straight from the theatre Rogue One thoughts -- (positive, btw, a little bit of negative)

spoilers, obviously! )
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: cup of tea on a laptop (girlyb_icons) (tea and laptop (girlyb_icons))
What I've just finished reading

I ripped through a reread of all the Lost Fleet novels by Jack Campbell (like, all of them in about two days); this is one of the cases where I'm really, really into the specific tropes being used, but I actually can't stand any of Campbell's other books, including the Lost Stars series set in the same universe. I love the Lost Fleet, though.

Also, Mastiff by Tamora Pierce, and I finished up Barbara Hambly's Dog Wizard, which were both rereads.

What I'm currently reading

I'm into the second set of Lost Fleet novels, The Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier, which starts off with Dreadnaught. I also poked at a couple other rereads for comfort, since I was so stressed this week; Spindle's End, which is one of my favorite Robin McKinley novels, and Howl's Moving Castle, one of my favorite Diana Wynne Jones books.

What I'm reading next

Presumably all the Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier books.
bedlamsbard: animals: a cougar standing on a tall rock (girlyb_icons) (a high place (girlyb_icons))
1. Three out of six grad school applications submitted -- the other three are due in January, so I can give myself a little bit of a break. What is really worrying me is that none of them are showing that my GRE scores have arrived -- like, my GRE scores have been my biggest fear all along, since they're right on the edge of being too old to pass, and now they're not even there. I don't want to not get in just because my damn scores never arrived, because I think every other part of my application is solid as long as all my professors get their recs in, but god, the damn GRE.

2. I'm at high, high stress right now for a lot of different reasons, so I'm backing off social media a little, which I normally try to avoid doing. But I can't get on Twitter without immediately falling into a Pit of Despair, and Tumblr is a little better but not by that much, and now I'm going to have to start dodging Rogue One reactions and reviews as well as all the politics stuff, so I'm backing off for part of the day for a few days. (I'm not going cold turkey, I'm just limiting the amount of time.)

3. Rogue One tomorrow! Or at least I've got tickets for tomorrow: I also have a running mental list of things that could go wrong.

4. This has been such an expensive week because I had to pay application fees (A LOT) and buy Christmas presents. Also stress-buy stuff for myself, which tbh I spent more money on than the Christmas presents because I'm terrible and bad at buying presents.

5. I haven't written or sent any Christmas cards yet and since a bunch of them are going overseas they're going to be, uh, New Year's cards.
bedlamsbard: animals: a cougar standing on a tall rock (girlyb_icons) (a high place (girlyb_icons))
Every time I look at anything related to U.S. politics right now -- so basically every time I check Twitter, which I'm doing less often atm for Reasons -- I can't shake the feeling I'm living in a Tom Clancy novel, except that would actually be preferable since then there's a guarantee that the good guys come out on top. Also, as I think it was actually Clancy who said, fiction has to make sense.

I used to read a lot of Tom Clancy -- I've read all the Jack Ryan novels -- but I can't remember when this was. Probably early/mid '00s, if I had to guess. I can't remember if this was prior to or during the same period of time when I was really into U.S. military special operations and U.S. military history. Uh -- you know how a lot of kids had something they were really, really super into? Well, when I was tiny it was dogs, and when I was a teenager it was military special operations units. (Yes, I saw The Unit -- I know I was on LJ then, so if anyone is still around from those days they may remember that -- but this actually predated that.) Given the genres I write this is actually pretty helpful, but it's a weird thing to admit to, especially in some of my online social circles.

(I came really close to joining the military/ROTC, but I actually got medically disqualified for an incredibly stupid reason and didn't want to go to the hassle of fighting it. But if not for Hurricane Gustav back in 2008, there's a really good chance that I would have done so and I'd be in the USAF right now instead of applying to graduate school.)
bedlamsbard: animals: a cougar standing on a tall rock (girlyb_icons) (a high place (girlyb_icons))
I've spent all day feeling like I'm on the edge of having a screaming breakdown, for various reasons: the thing I'm only talking about under lock, my grad school applications, my fic, the weather, 8tracks' new listening limit, POLITICS, things I want to buy but am hesitating on, the season, and finally, the fact that Tumblr somehow did a thing which makes it nigh-on unusable, which is the thing that feels as though it's finally sent me over the edge.

I am...basically incapable of dealing whenever something goes slightly wrong -- I mean, I can, obviously, I have not reached the ripe old age of 27-in-exactly-a-month by not being able to deal with things that are moderately off-center, but they'll throw me really, really badly, to the extent that it consumes every thought I have and makes it incredibly difficult to do anything else, even if it's completely unrelated. I feel like I've spent the past six months in emotional freefall. July, August, and September were really, really bad, October got a little better, and then November happened (Election Day happened) and everything since then, no matter how big or how small, has felt like complete and utter unmitigated disaster. I'm basically out of cope, so every little thing sends me over the edge. And there are a lot of little things.

I don't know how my life can feel like it's spiraling so totally out of control when I barely leave the house. I have control issues at the best of times, and this is...definitely not the best of times.
bedlamsbard: animals: a cougar standing on a tall rock (girlyb_icons) (a high place (girlyb_icons))
So far 2016 has destroyed my self-esteem, my self-confidence, my sense of self-worth, my faith in humanity, and my comfortable assumption that the world won't actually end in the next six months. And there's still three weeks left! Fun.

I did get this master's degree out of it, though, I guess that's something.
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: read (bookshelf with text "read") (read (girlyb_icons))
What I'm currently reading

I'm on a Barbara Hambly binge, so I'm rereading Dog Wizard -- actually the first or second Hambly book I ever read. (I either read this or Stranger at the Wedding first; I can't remember which since it was a few years ago. I didn't read The Silent Tower or The Silicon Mage until much later, and I don't know if I'll reread them this time, since they're not personal favorites.)

I have to do a book review for one of my PhD apps due next week, so I'm rereading Thinking Tools: Agricultural Slavery Between Evidence and Model by Ulrike Roth, which is a book on Roman slavery that's probably one of the best academic books on the subject I've ever read.

What I've just finished reading

I went on a sudden Barbara Hambly binge, so I ripped through Stranger at the Wedding and Bride of the Rat God (two of my favorites) pretty quickly, along with the novella set in the Rat God 'verse, Castle of Horror. (I desperately want a full-length sequel to Bride of the Rat God! Also another book in the Sisters of the Raven/Circle of the Moon 'verse if we're making requests. Though Barbara Hambly hasn't been writing much fantasy lately, I think?) I also went through Kindred of Darkness, since I had it out from the library. (For some reason that's the only one of the James Asher novels I don't own.)

I've been reading a lot this week, so I also went through the latest Patricia Briggs Mercy Thompson book, Fire Touched (forever mildly bewildered those are set in the Tri-Cities, even if Briggs is a local), a reread of Mira Grant's Rolling in the Deep, and Star Wars: Servants of the Empire: Imperial Justice by Jason Fry for Rewatch.

What I'm reading next

Probably more Barbara Hambly, given the binge -- I've been itching to go at Sisters of the Raven and Circle of the Moon again, so those are most likely. I do also have some other books out from the library, including some Tamora Pierce (there's weirdly only one Pierce book I don't own, though I own the other two books in that trilogy so I don't know why I never bought Mastiff). I need to read the third SotE book for Rewatch, too, though it was technically on The Schedule for Sunday.
bedlamsbard: miscellaneous: cup of tea and an open book (perfect (pretty_pixels))
1. I very seldom go to the movies, because it's a bit of a hassle and it's expensive and I don't really have the patience for movies, so I prefer to watch them on my computer where I can pause them and walk away if need be, but I went to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them weekend before last and Moana last weekend, and both movies were absolutely delightful.

1a. I wanted to see Fantastic Beasts while it was still in theatres because I knew that if I didn't, there was a pretty good chance I wouldn't see it for literally years (I still haven't seen any of the Marvel movies since Winter Soldier came out), especially since there was a lot of criticism of it on Tumblr well before it came out and I tend to be pretty susceptible to other people's opinions -- this is the reason I've stopped reading reviews and reactions and am wary of discussing things I enjoy with other people. Especially in this current age of "if you liked THING you are an IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER" and I have enough problems with that already, thank you.

2. On a related note, there's a particular strand of criticism that sometimes gets leveled at JKR that makes me really uncomfortable -- not the diversity or the representation or any of that, but the "she's beaten the HP world to death," "why doesn't she fulfill her duty as an author and write a new fantasy epic not set in the HP 'verse," "she's a failure," etc., which quite frankly baffles me, especially the second one. (Which I have actually seen, though I don't remember where. Tumblr, obviously.) I don't know what I'm getting at with this, but while there are certainly legitimate criticisms to be leveled, some of the entitlement (which is a rough word to sling around) there is really uncomfortable and upsetting to me.

3. Today was the first snow of the season here, and I am not in favor of it at ALL, though obvs it is good for various reasons including decreasing the chance of a drought (which means bad harvests and increased wildfires) next year. I just don't like being cold and I don't like snow: these are the reasons I moved to Louisiana in the first place.

4. Multi-day cooking or baking projects are not good for me: I don't have the attention span to do things two days in a row, especially if day two is a day when my mother is home, because I don't like doing things where other people can see me.

4a. I've had cookie dough languishing in the fridge since Thursday. Hopefully it's still all right to bake off if I do so tomorrow; I bought decorating tools and everything.

5. I've got applications due next week, so I am trying to buckle down and actually get them done, which means I am back in statement of purpose hell. I'm a good writer, but this is the kind of writing I'm the absolute worst at, and I wish I had someone to show them to. (Like, there are people I'd be okay showing them to, but I feel awkward asking.) I'm just really anxious about this because I don't know what I'll do if I don't get into graduate school, and also -- applying costs a lot of money. Between GRE scores and application fees, it's about a hundred bucks per school. I've got the money from my grandmother, but I hate paying that much for something that's not guaranteed, and I just...I don't know what I'll do otherwise. This is literally the only thing I'm good at or trained to do.

5a. Except write, and I've got deadlines for a handful of different sci-fi/fantasy short story submissions set aside and marked on my calendar. The only problem is that I very seldom write original fiction and I very seldom write short stories and I very seldom write anything to a prompt. I'd like to submit at least one thing, but I'd also have to write it, which means that I need to turn from fic to original, and at the moment I've been bashing my head against the same three chapters since May, so on the other hand I'd rather get those sorted so at least they're out of the damn way.

5b. I really miss being a student; I broke down at my mom the other day and sobbed "I just really miss writing research papers!" Which I do; I'll complain about it the entire time I'm doing so but I really do enjoy it.


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