it makes somewhat more sense this way. unfortunately, I could not write this on my final

[bedlamsbard]

Allow me to sum up my day with the summary of the Arab-Israeli Conflict:



ARABS: Jews? What? NO WE CANNOT HAVE JEWS IN OUR MIDDLE EAST.
JEWS: Bitches, we're here to stay.
BRITAIN: You know, when we said we thought this was a great idea...we were lying.
JEWS: Shall we form our own country? Shall we? Shall we? I THINK WE SHALL.
ARABS: NO THIS IS A BAD IDEA.
BRITAIN: ANYTHING TO GET PALESTINE OFF OUR HANDS. Hey, U.N., new guy! You deal with it.
ARABS: THIS IS A VERY BAD IDEA.
JEWS: We like it.
BRITAIN: Not our problem! Hurrah!
ISRAEL: Hurrah, we have our own country! Shit, we were just attacked.

*enter 1948 Israeli War of Independence*
ARABS: *reeling* Did we...just get the shit kicked out of us by Israel?
BRITAIN: Have I mentioned we're leaving? WE ARE SO GONE.
TRANSJORDAN: I will just take this slice of Palestine while no one is looking! Also, I like the Jews. They're sassy.
PALESTINIANS: ...we appear to have lost our country. NICE GOING ARABS.
ISRAELi: Oh, yeah, we are fine.

*enter 1956 Suez War*
FRANCE: Hey, I bet we could get Israel to do our fighting for us, they don't like Egypt! And maybe we can get the English in on this too.
EGYPT: HEY NOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
BRITAIN: *leaves*
FRANCE: WHAT.
ISRAEL: ...Europe kind of sucks.

*enter 1967 Six Day War*
EGYPT: We will mock Israel! They will not dare move on us!
ISRAEL: WHAT IS GOING ON.
UNITED STATES: NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GET IN A FIGHT I FORBID IT.
ISRAEL: ...we shall wait.
EGYPT: *moves into the Sinai*
ISRAEL: Waiting over! *trounces*
UNITED STATES: NO STOP OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? You are doing this just to piss me off!
SOVIET UNION: *sends weapons and aid to Arab nations*
UNITED STATES: ISRAEL I AM WARNING YOU -- if you make us start WWIII --!
SOVIET UNION: Dude, do you want to get in on this action? Because we are also not too keen on WWIII.
UNITED STATES/SOVIET UNION: MOMMY! UNITED NATIONS. FIX THIS PROBLEM.
ISRAEL: *sulks*
EGYPT: ...we did not just get trounced by the Jews again.

*enter 1973 Yom Kippur War*
ISRAEL: There is not going to be a war! We are just that awesome.
MOSSAD: Uh, guys --
ISRAEL: NO WAR.
EGYPT/SYRIA: *move into position*
UNITED STATES: Relax, guys. Israel says there isn't going to be a war.
JORDAN: YOU IDIOTS YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED.
ISRAEL: ...really?
JORDAN: Yes. Also, you idiots!
ISRAEL: Call up the reserves! *is attacked*
UNITED STATES: Oh, not again. Why must they do this for the sole reason of annoying us!
SOVIET UNION: America...you annoy me. Also, baby...no. But! We shall supply the Arabs.
UNITED STATES: Why do you do everything just to annoy me?
SOVIET UNION: Because it's fun.
*meanwhile, fighting*
EGYPT: War's over! We have accomplished our goals!
ISRAEL: NOT YET IT ISN'T. *advances into Egypt and Syria*
JORDAN: Look, I'm doing this just for show, okay? Also because you guys annoy me sometimes.
EGYPT: The war has been over for a week and we won! Ignore the Israeli tanks on our doorstep!
ISRAEL: HATE YOU SO MUCH.
UNITED STATES: ...uh. Well. I suppose we should supply you, if only because the Soviet Union is supplying your enemies and you know how we hate the Soviet Union.
SOVIET UNION: Baby, why you gotta be so mean!
UNITED STATES: ...are we about to start WWIII again?
UNITED STATES/SOVIET UNION: MOMMY! UNITED NATIONS!
ISRAEL: Why do you people have to take everything good away from us! Also, we lost this war.
EGYPT: Oh, yes, you did!
UNITED NATIONS: ...no you didn't.
EGYPT: There is a reason the Nile is RIGHT HERE.

*meanwhile*
JORDAN: Arafat, I disapprove. Remove yourself immediately.
PLO: Actually, we think we'll just take over.
JORDAN: I SAID REMOVE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY.
ISRAEL: Jordan, honey, we can totally help.
JORDAN: NO YOU CANNOT. Arafat, you can go or we can make you go.
PLO: So hijacking this airplanes --
JORDAN: OUT.

*later*
LEBANON: Isn't it just great having a country that's practically a warzone?
MUSLIMS: Boy, we love having the PLO as our private army!
ISRAEL: I bet the Maronites would totally welcome us! Let's go invade! It'll be like a vacation!
MARONITES: Excellent, another private army!
*eventually*
LEBANON: ARAFAT REMOVE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY.
PLO: No, actually, we think we'll --
LEBANON: REMOVE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY.
PLO: Actually, leaving sounds like a great idea. *leaves for Tunis*
ISRAEL: So. That massacre happening over there? Totally didn't happen on our watch!
UNITED NATIONS: *facepalm*
ISRAEL: So, uh, we're...leaving...
UNITED STATES: WE WILL FIX THIS PROBLEM.
LEBANON: Excellent, another private army!
UNITED STATES: ...we'll just be leaving now.

*the seesaw of U.S.-Israeli interactions*
UNITED STATES: Israel, you are doing this just to annoy me!
ISRAEL: Not...actually?
UNITED STATES: Israel, I'm warning you! LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
ISRAEL: ...you are very strange.
UNITED STATES: Israel, do what I say!
ISRAEL: ...what do we get out of it?
UNITED STATES: My eternal good will.
ISRAEL: No, don't think so!
UNITED STATES: Israel, this is ridiculous! You don't have to try and get my attention this way!
ISRAEL: So, you were saying something about your eternal good will? THEN WHY ARE YOU SIDING WITH THE ARABS, HUH? HUH?
UNITED STATES: You are all mad and I never want to have anything to do with the Middle East ever again!
*one president later*
UNITED STATES: Have at, Israel!
*one president later*
UNITED STATES: ISRAEL YOU ARE DOING THIS JUST TO ANNOY ME.
ISRAEL: *sigh*



I also had my Antebellum American Lit final. And tomorrow I have Intro to Gender and Sexuality Studies. *twitches*