bedlamsbard | brain, honey, the plot generator? turn it OFF

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brain, honey, the plot generator? turn it OFF

Oh, shit, plot. For the thing I am not writing. Actually, said plot manages to combine both the things I'm not writing, with that character who is a hallucination.

It manages to be epic romance, epic tragedy, and two (or three?) different AUs AT ONCE.

Of course, I am not writing it. Because it does not exist. Because that character is a hallucination.

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Wait. he puts his tongue on her, but when he tries to add his hands: that's anatomically possible? You can DO that without, I dunno, bashing yourself in the chin with your own wrist?

Damn. How did I not know this before?

You may have just done wonders for my future sex life, when I get around to resuming it.

*waves hands* I don't know! I just write what the voices in my head tell me to do!

*cough* Although I, uh, am, of course, not actually writing anything. At all. Obviously.

*eyes you*

Now, I could either a) go and ask someone IRL, and confirm my general weirdness, or b) get the Pestilence over here, I bet she can confirm things one way or the other.

*pause* I believe I shall leave that in your capable hands.

*grins*

see, once I'm faced with an unanswered question, it counts as RESEARCH.

(*snort* Apparently my university has three shelves full of sex manuals, I guess I could try there and try to pass it off as scholarly investigation...)

And how did we figure that out?

figure out what? the interesting contents of academic libraries? Why,

kayloulee went looking for medieval sex manuals in quest of an answer to the Great Lubrication Question.

Oh my.

What can I say? Neither of us do *anything* without proper research...

(snort. One day I do intend to write pron with footnotes. Every action referenced to an appropriate online instruction page.)

Ha, the only thing that's keeping me from writing Caspian/Peta post-battle is that I have to discover if her chainmail is in one piece or two, and unfortunately, I have not done any research to this subject yet.

(My porn research is, uh, reading fic. Unfortunately, I don't read a lot of het.)

one piece or two how? I mean, are you wondering about making mail for a woman, or are you wondering about mail *generally*? For the former, look for SCA instruction sites. For the later... hmm...

(and, as research, how reliable is slash written by *women*, anyway? That's what I call secondary sources- and without even references to follow up. Sigh.)

No, for some reason I was thinking a chainmail suit was, well, one-piece, but after Wikipedia-ing I realize it's two.

Although I probably could have just looked at reference pictures (http://www.weeklyreader.com/readandwriting/content/binary/peter1.gif) and answered my own damn question a lot quicker. *grumbles* Now we have to get Peta out of her armor, or at least the bottom half.

Yanno, I'd have thought the same thing. Medievalist!Fail, right here.

Well, everyone has to get out of their armour *eventuallly*...

I just don't remember why I thought so, because I read a lot of fantasy, and I know this sort of thing, damn it.

Peta's not interested in getting out of all of it; she's just interested in, uh, getting Caspian into her.

Surely after a battle she'd want to get out of her mail? That shit's *heavy*. Unless she has a bit of a kink that way?

Well, we are talking about a version of Peter here, so who knows...although in this particular case, I don't think she has the patience.

I still reckon the *first* thing you do when you come off the battlefield is get out of your armour. You do that even before you start drinking...

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This is the kind of question the answer to which you do not want to know!

Sorry, I just HAD to fix that type. That's what I get for typing in the dark, fresh from a nap. *is cranky*

And you'll notice I *still* made a typo, in the edit. DAMN IT!

No need to be formal-after all, we've built and destroyed worlds together. Call me Pesti, like everyone else! *laughs*

My first thought was that "she" could sit on his face. This would relieve him of the need to use at least one hand for support; the lack of gravity mashing his face into her crotch would (theoretically-I have no in-the-field practice, myself *coughs delicately*)enable him to work some fingers carefully in alongside his tongue, for simultaneous manual and oral stimulation. However, even that would get a tad crowded, imo, not to mention the possible overstimulation that might be uncomfortable for her.

If you *insist* on laying her on her back, well. Put him on his knees on the floor and dangle her legs over his shoulders, or the edge, etc; again, this reduces the gravity/face-mashing problem. The rest of the previous comment applies to this position, as well.

Best stick to tongue and one hand, or finger.

That's my advice and I'm sticking to it...and laughing at bedlam's expression. *beams* I'm gonna use my special icon, not because I'm actually annoyed at anything, but just because I can. *wins*

*whimpers* And now I'm writing emotional porn, rather than actual porn. Except I am not in fact writing it, obviously, because this character is a hallucination and the situation does not actually exist. (Also, I'm still over here at, "OH MY GOD I KNOCKED UP PETER PEVENSIE.")

BECAUSE YOU ARE A DIRTY, DIRTY GIRL! *grins approvingly*

And now I'm over here writing actual porn...oh my God, what have you people done to me?

We have corrupted you! *bounces*

Not as thoroughly as I would wish-see that whole "willpower" thing you've got going on. *DISAPPROVES, BEDLAM, DIS.AP.PROOVES*

But still. Progress!

Hey, a girl needs a little willpower sometimes. I can't let it all go down the drain.

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