brain, honey, the plot generator? turn it OFF

[bedlamsbard]

Oh, shit, plot. For the thing I am not writing. Actually, said plot manages to combine both the things I'm not writing, with that character who is a hallucination.

It manages to be epic romance, epic tragedy, and two (or three?) different AUs AT ONCE.

Of course, I am not writing it. Because it does not exist. Because that character is a hallucination.

Comments

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

oh, WOW. This is devious.

(It occurs to me that there must be more than smut going on here... I was thinking maybe there were contesting over who had the better claim to Caspian, but now I think they're testing whether Caspian has a better claim to either of them than the other does...)

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

(I don't even know which Peta and Peter this is. Not angstverse Peta and Peter, anyway, but a 'verse where they both coexist or something -- God, I don't know. This is PC!Caspian, anyway, or at most VotDT!Caspian. Huh, I wonder if this isn't a Peta!verse Caspian confronted with Peter. I don't know. Irrelevent in the face of porn!)

Pretend I'm not here. Easier said than done, even with Peter beneath him, kissing him back as though there really isn't anyone in the room. Thoughtfully, Caspian runs his hands up Peter's straining arms, feeling the muscle there, and keeps kissing Peter, moving his hips in infinitely small rotations as Peter arches up slightly, hoping the movements are too small to attract Peta's attention.

Peter bites his lower lip sharply to get his attention and strokes the bottom of one foot down the back of Caspian's calf; the feel of it goes straight to his groin. Peter shifts his hips to rub against Caspian's cock, thighs falling open a little in invitation as Caspian settles between them. He runs one hand down Peter's body from wrist to hip, feeling the tension tight beneath his palm, and curls his fingers around the base of Peter's cock.

Peter doesn't stop kissing him, but he moans into Caspian's mouth, head tilting back against the pillow. Caspian moves his hand up and down a few times, rubbing his thumb over the head, and then finds a rhythm he likes. Peter's hips arch off the bed with every stroke and his gasps into Caspian's mouth grow more and more ragged.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

(Oh, I could tell this wasn't the same Peta and Peter... but they clearly have *something* going between them...)

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

(That something would be Caspian. Oh, wait...we're not talking literally here?)

"Stop," Peta says abruptly, her voice a little throatier now, less even. Caspian raises his head from Peter's swollen mouth to see her with her knees spread, one hand working between her thighs. "Come here, Caspian."

"Wait," Peter says as Caspian moves to obey. He catches Caspian's mouth with his own, a messy, graceless kiss that nevertheless goes straight to Caspian's already painfully hard cock.

"I'm waiting," Peta drawls, and Caspian crawls off the bed, palming Peter as he goes. He leans in to kiss her, but she pushes him away, one hand flat against his chest, and says, "Kiss me here," spreading her thighs wider in invitation and tangling her hands in his hair.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

Giggle. Nice work, Peta.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

She's soaking wet and eager when he puts his tongue on her, but when he tries to add his hands, she says, "Noo-oooo," the word a less-than-certain stutter. He splays one hand out on her hip instead and braces the other on the side of the couch.

She's already brought herself close to orgasm, so it's the work of a few very enjoyable minutes to get her the rest of the way there. Caspian keeps licking and sucking and kissing her through it, even though Peta's hands in his hair are so tight it's painful and her legs have come up to wrap around his shoulders, binding him tight against her.

"So beautiful," Peter says from behind him. "God, you're both so beautiful."

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

very odd, reading this while my mother's sitting on the other side of the room...

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Hi, I was writing porn last night while watching the Olympics while my mother was approximately three feet from me and my father was also in the room. Now THAT was odd...

Help, help, Peta has taken over my brain and all she wants is sexsexsex!

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

Snortle. That would be odd.

I feel no desire to help you at all.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

It was very odd. I kept trying to angle my computer screen away and hope my dad didn't come look over my shoulder to see what I was writing. About two hours in I gave up on it and switched to knitting instead.

*sulks* Our lovely options at the moment are more Peter/Caspian/Peta, Peta/Caspian post-battle, Peta/Caspian when she (finally) tells him she's pregnant, and Peter/Peta in the Pevensie house.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

All of the above!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

*grumbles* I have got to stop writing stuff in comments if only because I keep accidentally clicking out of it and deleting everything. God damn it. Peta was pregnant! Caspian was panicking! Everyone was still wearing clothes! Why am I going to be known as the writer who knocked up Peter Pevensie?

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

Yes! You should put it all into documents! And then write it up properly!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

He finally manages to corner Peta a week after she starts avoiding him. He literally corners her, which he's fairly certain isn't good for his continuing good health, but which he's also positive is the only way he'll get her to stand still long enough to talk to him.

"No, I will not marry you, Caspian," she snaps before he can say anything. "It's very sweet of you, but the answer is still no."

"I'm not going to ask," he says. "I swear I won't. I just want to know what I've done to offend you, and how I can rectify it."

Peta snorts, unladylike. "One, that would be a very long list, and, two, I really don't think you can."

"Are you certain?" Caspian asks, hurt and confused, because he can't think of anything he's done. He wants to touch Peta, just to get some sense of where she is, but he doesn't, because she hasn't said or done anything to invite the contact.

"Unfortunately," she says, sounding miserable, and Caspian blinks in surprise. She swallows, then looks up at him, her jaw working silently for a moment before she continues, "You're going to ask me to marry you again."

"No, I won't," Caspian says earnestly. "I swore that I wouldn't."

"This is, I'm afraid," Peta says, "the sort of situation where promises like that go out the window."

"I don't understand," Caspian says, because he's more or less learned that that's a good thing to say around Peta or her siblings.

She takes a deep breath. "Ed did say I had to tell you sometime," she mutters under her breath, then she raises her chin and looks him in the eye. "I'm pregnant."

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

oooh, OUCH.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

Wait. he puts his tongue on her, but when he tries to add his hands: that's anatomically possible? You can DO that without, I dunno, bashing yourself in the chin with your own wrist?

Damn. How did I not know this before?

You may have just done wonders for my future sex life, when I get around to resuming it.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

*waves hands* I don't know! I just write what the voices in my head tell me to do!

*cough* Although I, uh, am, of course, not actually writing anything. At all. Obviously.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

*eyes you*

Now, I could either a) go and ask someone IRL, and confirm my general weirdness, or b) get the Pestilence over here, I bet she can confirm things one way or the other.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

*pause* I believe I shall leave that in your capable hands.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

*grins*

see, once I'm faced with an unanswered question, it counts as RESEARCH.

(*snort* Apparently my university has three shelves full of sex manuals, I guess I could try there and try to pass it off as scholarly investigation...)

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

And how did we figure that out?

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

figure out what? the interesting contents of academic libraries? Why, kayloulee went looking for medieval sex manuals in quest of an answer to the Great Lubrication Question.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

No need to be formal-after all, we've built and destroyed worlds together. Call me Pesti, like everyone else! *laughs*


My first thought was that "she" could sit on his face. This would relieve him of the need to use at least one hand for support; the lack of gravity mashing his face into her crotch would (theoretically-I have no in-the-field practice, myself *coughs delicately*)enable him to work some fingers carefully in alongside his tongue, for simultaneous manual and oral stimulation. However, even that would get a tad crowded, imo, not to mention the possible overstimulation that might be uncomfortable for her.

If you *insist* on laying her on her back, well. Put him on his knees on the floor and dangle her legs over his shoulders, or the edge, etc; again, this reduces the gravity/face-mashing problem. The rest of the previous comment applies to this position, as well.

Best stick to tongue and one hand, or finger.


That's my advice and I'm sticking to it...and laughing at bedlam's expression. *beams* I'm gonna use my special icon, not because I'm actually annoyed at anything, but just because I can. *wins*

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

*whimpers* And now I'm writing emotional porn, rather than actual porn. Except I am not in fact writing it, obviously, because this character is a hallucination and the situation does not actually exist. (Also, I'm still over here at, "OH MY GOD I KNOCKED UP PETER PEVENSIE.")

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

BECAUSE YOU ARE A DIRTY, DIRTY GIRL! *grins approvingly*