increasingly weirder SW AUs -- the evidence

[bedlamsbard]

Because I have decided that in October I am going to start work on my novel (my senior project novel, a 100K word science fiction novel which I fondly call the Spaceforce story because it has no title), I spent a week writing the weird, freakish Star Wars AUs which came knocking after I finished the Anakin/Padme fluff. I didn't write the whole story -- I just wrote whatever popped into my head, which generally tended to be the set-up.



AU #1: A New Beginning. The one where Qui-Gon survives, but, for various reasons, the Council decides that the newly Knighted Obi-Wan should train Anakin instead. Qui-Gon is not happy.

You can read it here.

Also, I have the feeling that after this, there was a whole lot of rumor going around that Qui-Gon had left the Jedi Order.



AU #2: Forgot the Cry of Gulls. The space pirate story. I may eventually go and write the entire text of this sometime, since I know how it ends, but I didn't. Anyway, in this story, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Amidala never landed on Tatooine, so Anakin was never trained as a Jedi. Instead, sometime in his teens Anakin gambled on himself in a podrace to win a ship -- the Star Maverick, since it's never mentioned in the story -- and won the ship, as well as his freedom, which he bought with winnings from other races he'd saved up. He and Kitster ran off and became space pirates.

Meanwhile, the Clone Wars are still going on, and Padme (as Senator Amidala) is captured by the Separatists. Obi-Wan is sent to rescue her, but due to some kind of malfunction or something ends up getting captured by Anakin and Kitster instead. Yeah, that goes well.

The Jedi looked remarkably calm considering he was cuffed to a chair in a pirate ship.

"You won't get anything out of me, you know," the Jedi said, a light Coruscanti clip to his voice. "The Jedi don't negotiate with terrorists."

"We'll see about that," Anakin said, flipping a knife around between his fingers. "I can be very persuasive."

"Oh?" the Jedi said, very mildly. He narrowed his eyes; there was a sudden upswell of -- something -- in the air around Anakin. He barely heard the quiet click that preceded the sound of metal hitting metal as the Jedi rose from the chair, rubbing at his wrists.

Anakin flipped the knife around in his hand, falling onto a fighter's crouch. He didn't reach for his blaster, not yet; he wanted the Jedi alive for the ransom. "Come on," he cajoled, trying to find that particular tone that made people do what he wanted. "You don't really want to do this."

"Oh?" the Jedi said again, standing easily, casual and relaxed. "I think otherwise."

"Don't make me hurt you," Anakin said, as someone banged on the door.

"Anakin!" Kitster yelled. "You'd better come out here!"

He didn't see the Jedi move. One minute he was on the other side of the room, the next he had an arm around Anakin's throat and the knife -- Anakin's knife -- pressed to the soft patch of skin behind Anakin's left ear. "You were saying?"

Anakin swallowed.

"Anakin!" Kitster yelled again. "What the hell are you doing in there? We've got problems the size of sarlacc's mouth out here!"

"Open the door," the Jedi said against Anakin's ear. "And don't try any tricks."

"Or what?" Anakin muttered. "You'll put that blade through my skull?"

"Don't tempt me. Open it."

Anakin flicked the control with his thumb. The door slid open to reveal Kitster on the other side, one hand still raised to hit the door again.

Kitster swore, going for his blaster.

"Don't even think about it," the Jedi snapped. Anakin felt two of his fingers twitch against his shoulder; the air suddenly seemed thicker than it had a moment earlier.

"I'm not even thinking about it," Kitster said, hand falling back.

"Son of a Hutt!" Anakin swore, regretting it when the Jedi's arm tightened against his throat.

"Where's my ship?" he asked softly.

"In the docking bay," Kitster said, still looking faintly horrified. "You don't want to go out there, though."

"Why is that?"

"Because there's about a million Sep dreadnoughts just sitting there."

"Why are you telling him these things?" Anakin demanded. "We could be getting rid of this guy the easy way."

"Don't be so certain," the Jedi said. "I would have taken a hostage. There's nothing wrong with insurance."

"That's, uh --" Kitster waved his hands. "They're pulling us in. Tractor beam."

"Echuta!" Anakin bit off.

"Blast," the Jedi said mildly. He took the knife away, hesitated, and let Anakin go. "I did rather need to get onboard.

-
-

Anakin had heard a lot about the Separatist general Grievous, but he'd never actually met the man. Or mostly duranium monstrosity, rather.

"General Kenobi," Grievous said, rolling the syllables around in his wheese. "The Negotiator."

Kitster turned to stare at the Jedi. Even on the Outer Rim General Obi-Wan Kenobi was well-known, a hero of the Republic and the war against the Seps.

Kenobi smiled slightly and coldly. "General Grievous," he said, voice still extremely mild. "I require the return of Senator Amidala of Naboo, if you please."

"You are not in a position to negotiate, General Kenobi," Grievous rasped. "Take them away. Lord Sidious wants General Kenobi alive."

Anakin saw Kenobi blanch. "This is your last chance," he said, voice echoing around the room. "Surredner to me and release Senator Amidala into my care, or be destroyed."

Grievous leaned down and in towards him. "No," he said, and turned away, sweeping his cloak up around him in one hand.

"Your loss," Kenobi called after him as a small army of battle droids swarmed him.

Anakin stumbled when they led him away; he couldn't keep his head on straight or maintain any measure of control over his body. The tips of his fingers were completely numb.

Before they locked him inside a cell, he saw Kenobi look at him once, sharply, the line between his eyes deepening.

AU #3: the one where, in RotS, Anakin goes to Kashyyyk with Yoda.

For a moment -- a heartbeat, an eternity -- he wasn't Anakin Skywalker anymore, but the Force itself, drowned and blastershot and burned to death. Then the moment passed and he was himself again, but the pain remained, phantom aches in his lungs and heart and the back of his head, spiking again with each additional Jedi death. Anakin opened his eyes to find himself on hands and knees, forehead pressed to the wooden platform.

"Don't touch me," he rasped. "Don't touch me."

"Skywalker," Yoda said, practically in his ear, and Anakin shook his head furiously, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

"Don't," he said, digging his fingers into the platform until splinters cut into his flesh hand and wood powdered under his durasteel one. "DOn't touch me, don't -- I said don't touch me!" he yelled and something cracked, but he couldn't tell -- couldn't tell if --

"Skywalker, look," Yoda said, and Anakin put his face down and cried.

"I can't," he managed. "I can't. They're dead, they're all dead, and I can feel them --"

"Skywalker, look up you must," Yoda ordered. "Look up."

Anakin looked up. Yoda was on the other side of the platform, lit lightsaber in his hand, and Anakin didn't understand until he saw the two dead clone troopers between them.

"No," he said. "Oh no."

AU #4: the one where Padme is a Jedi and Anakin and Obi-Wan maybe aren't or maybe are. Er, the one I know the absolute least about, in other words.

"Master Amidala."

"General Kenobi."

They bowed to each other, both movements stiff and cursory. Next to Obi-Wan, Anakin barely dipped his head.

AU #5: the one where Anakin and Obi-Wan are secret ninja assassins. Er, I know it has something to do with the Jedi order becoming more or less an outcast society on the fringes of the Republic, but that's about it.

Anakin sighted down the barrel of his rifle, scope fixed on the doors of the Senate hall. He was lying on his stomach in one of the old cleaning niches near the ceiling, pulse rifle on a tripod in front of him. He had his finger on the trigger when the doors opened and Obi-Wan Kenobi came out, chin up, eyes straight ahead, and his hands cuffed behind his back. He didn't look at Anakin or make any sign to show that he knew Anakin was there. What followed was an entourage of red-robed Senatorial guards; Anakin couldn't see his target.

Someone put the cold barrel of a blaster to the side of his head. "Looking for someone?" a woman's smooth voice said.

AU #6: the one where the Purge happened in the middle of Anakin's training -- five years after TPM, in other words, so Anakin is fourteen. This one was actually vaguely conceived of in the writing of "What is Lost", there was a bit where Anakin asked Obi-Wan what he would have done if Anakin had still been a Padawan when the Purge happened.

Obi-Wan had systematically eliminated every planet in the Republic, every planet they'd ever visited as Master and Padawan, every planet he and Qui-Gon had gone to, and every planet the Republic had aided in the last two millennia. After he'd done that, he'd eliminated any planet with a Trade Federation presence, remembering the seige of Naboo and hte Sith he'd killed in the palace in Theed, and then any planet that had ever hosted any workers' guilds or unions. It left them with a thin scattering of planets along the far edge of the Outer Rim.

"Master?" Anakin said hesitantly after Obi-Wan had tossed the datapad aside and sat back with his head in his hands.

Obi-Wan looked up. His face was pale and drawn; he seemed to have grown old in the past two days. "Yes, Anakin?" he said, managing to smile slightly.

Anakin cleared his throat. "What about Tatooine?" he suggested. "It's not Republic and there's no guild presence. The Hutts won't tolerate any other authority on-planet."

He could tell that Obi-Wan was still automatically analyzing and cataloguing. "We've been there before. You have a connection. We have to assume the Chancellor knows all that."

"But it is Hutt-controlled," Anakin pointed out. "The Hutts are too powerful for the Chancellor to anger so soon after -- we don't have to stay very long, just hole up for a little while." Obi-Wan still looked dubious, so he added, "There are spaceports on Tatooine. We could at least switch ships; this one still has Coruscant on the logs."

"Did I teach you all that?" Obi-Wan said tiredly. "You're right; we should switch ships." He rubbed a hand over his face again.

"You should get some sleep," Anakin said, watching him.

"Yes, I suppose so." His voice was reluctant. They'd slept a little, Anakin more than Obi-Wan, and both of them had nightmares every time they closed their eyes. Obi-Wan's woke him up, and the disturbance in the Force woke Anakin from hazy dreams of fire and death in the halls of the Temple. He stayed in his bunk and listened to Obi-Wan throw up in the little 'fresher attached to their rooms, knowing that if he got up, Obi-Wan would feel compelled to take care of him and not himself.

AU #7: the one where Anakin is a girl. *facepalm* And has a huge crush on Obi-Wan, but that's, like, canon.

"Don't you think I'm pretty?" Her voice was light, but there was a serious undertone to the words.

"I refuse to answer that," Obi-Wan said, busying himself with the most recent holomaps, layering one on top of another to get a better idea of what they were facing.

Ani leaned forward, her blue eyes wide. "Not even a little bit?" she pressed.

"Now is not really the time to indulge your vanity," Obi-Wan pointed out.

"We could die tomorrow."

Obi-Wan looked up and raised an eyebrow.

She relented. "Oh, all right, we could die every day -- thanks for reminding me of that, by the way -- but we are going into battle tomorrow."

"Which makes it different from today how?" Obi-Wan asked, repressing a smile.

"Because I say so," Ani said, like that explained everything. "If you tell me, I'll buy you dinner at Dex's."

"You already owe me dinner for Calamaara," Obi-Wan said.

Ani scowled and sat down on Obi-Wan's cot. "All right," she said, and pulled her shirt off over her head.

Ani had been wandering around Obi-Wan's rooms in various states of undress since she was nine, so all Obi-Wan said was, very mildly, "Put something on, you'll catch your death of cold." He'd seen it all before, anyway. Among the Jedi, the entirely physical meant next to nothing.

"You're no fun," Ani pouted, but she did put her shirt back on.

And this bit takes place a while later -- maybe a few weeks, maybe more. Where Obi-Wan and Ani get it on and I remember why I don't write porn.

It took until he was inside her for Obi-Wna to realize that Ani's already precarious shielding was gone entirely and that his own shields were nearly completely gone, leaving them both open to the Force. He could feel her -- feel himself in her, filling him -- her -- up, and the breathy sounds Ani was making in the back of her throat as her nails dug crescents into his shoulder, but he could also feel her clench around him, hot and tight and slick as waterweed, the curve of her hips against his palms and the way her skin tasted.

"Obi-Wan," Ani said desperately. "Obi-Wan -- ah! Tagwa, tagwa, ateema!" She trailed off into Huttese, scratching at his back.

AU #8: the one where the positions of the Jedi and the Sith are reversed -- that is, the Sith are the legitimate organization, the Jedi are the legend.

He'd never met a Jedi before.

Anakin had never seen him before, but Sidious called him "General Kenobi" and ran a hand over his red-brown hiar, cut short to his skull. The JEdi had turned his face away, disgust chasing itself briefly across his features, and answered Sidious with icy politeness.

"My apprentice Darth Tyranus is quite fond of you for some reason," Sidious said, touching the line of his cheek. Anakin saw a fine shiver run through the Jedi. "He's been very good recently. I believe I'll give you to him as a present."

The Jedi shivered again, but otherwise he could have been a statue. He didn't speak.

Sidious turned around towards Anakin. "He's a murdered, you know," he said in a kindly voice. "He killed Tyranus' predecessor, Darth Maul. Cut him down in cold blood."

Liar! brushed across the surface of the Force so quickly and so strongly that Anakin reeled from it. When he looked up again, the Jedi was staring directly at him, and Anakin felt something previously unnoticed click into place inside his brain.

AU #9: the one where Anakin is a mechanic on somewhere not Tatooine and an informant for the Jedi. Obi-Wan is making contact.

The boy slipped into the seat across from him, folding his long legs up beneath the table and snagging the glass of saorsa ale Obi-Wan had ordered.

"You must be Hellsbane," he said, and at Obi-Wan's nod, added, "I'm Starkiller."

Very short time-jump because I wanted to get to the action.

Obi-Wan grabbed the boy and threw him down onto the floor as blaster bolds riddle the air around them, calling his lgihtsaber into his hand before he remembered that "keep a low profile" translated into "don't do anything that will prove you're a Jedi."

OBi-Wan swore, but the boy jerked up and grabbed his wrist, shouting, "This way!" in his ear. He dragged him through the screaming crowd, some of twhom were going for blasters of their own, and out into the alley that ran behind the club.

"Who are you really?" he demanded, straightening and panting slightly.

"Now is not really the time," Obi-Wan pointed out as the club's back door burst open again.

AU #10: the one where Anakin and Obi-Wan's positions are reversed at the end of RotS. I don't know why Obi-Wan would turn, but, you know, that's the point of not writing the entire story.

He was crying, Anakin realized dimly, tears running down his face and evaporating into steam there. His hands were clenched so tightly around his lightsaber that his flesh one was cramping.

"I loved you!" he screame,d the hot Mustafar air burning his throat and making his words a garbled mess. "You were my brother! I loved you!" Too little, too late, and Obi-Wan would never have forgiven him if he'd said it any time before.

But Obi-Wan was gone now, and when Anakin ignited his lightsaber again, it was a Sith lord he faced, not his Master and friend.

"Let me die for him," Anakin whispered, the words lost in the roar of lava. "Let me die for him, because I can't kill him."

Huh. I wrote a lot of those. (And "What Is and What Should Never Be", the Qui-Gon lives AU, isn't up there. Neither is "A Long Time Gone" or its sequel. And "Bad Moon Rising" isn't an AU, so.)