bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (fire at will (karanna1))
Guess who just walked back into my brain? No, go ahead, guess.

Major Beau Lorne, Dr. Shelton McAuliffe, Lt. Colonel Ethan Drew, Dr. Cam Lorne, Captain Colby Quinn, get the hell out of my head. It has not yet been a year! I don't think 350K of Narnia has adequately cleansed me of the process of living with you people day-in and day-out for eight months straight, no break! I still need my sanity, goddamnit!

JUST BECAUSE I SAID I WAS GOING TO FINISH YOUR NOVEL DIDN'T MEAN IT WAS GOING TO BE TODAY. BACK TO YOUR CLOSET, DAMN YOU.

Current mode: fantasy. NOT SCI-FI.

I don't even know why you're here! All my research is medievalism/classical/Victorian! YOU LIVE ON A SPACESHIP AND FIGHT ALIENS FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IN THE INTERGALACTIC WAR ON TERROR. That! Not fantasy! Me! Writing fantasy!

(Context. Quick summary: 110K sci-fi novel, senior project novel, DROVE ME FREAKING INSANE for the entirety of my senior year.)
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (warriors (frenchsweetie))
I spend far too much time in this fandom thinking about clothes.

*frowns*

And it's not like checking the movies does all that much good, because one also notes that fashion changes over a fifteen year span, and what we see in the movies tends to be from about the same year, two-year, maybe three-year span -- the Pevensies still have to be able to fit into the clothes that are stored away, which dates them back more than a decade after they left Narnia. Which means that nine years later, in Dust, they'd be wearing something different (chances are, something more "adult", because the tailors in Narnia probably aren't going to be making something very revealing for young Queen Susan at this point in time).

And, okay, yes, fashion drift -- chances are that Narnia gets Archenlander fashions about half a year to a year after Archenland gets them, which means that Narnia tends to be constantly out of fashion. (Seeing as Archenland is the closest all-human country, not counting my lovely warring western states.) Especially since, at least during the first five years or so, Narnia doesn't exactly have a lot of humans. (Later, though, when the nobleborn refugees start coming in, then we get probably get Narnia developing her own fashions. But not at first.)

(I kind of want the missing sccene from PC where Lucy and Susan bitch about wearing clothes fifteen years out of fashion and Edmund dryly points out that, hey, so thirteen hundred years ago. And Peter just kind of blinks and looks like he missed the entire conversation.)

Whoa. Why does Susan have her bow unstrung in her quiver and her bow strung in her hand in this picture? ADAMSON. I DO NOT APPROVE. *checks movie* Okay, that error isn't in the movie, just the picture. AND STILL. Really, Susan should be carrying about fifty more arrows in her quiver, considering how fast she goes through them in combat.

I kind of want to write a Susan and Legolas archery contest. I fear it would not be pretty. (Except on that way shallow level of mine.) (Yes, I have been rewatching LotR. In the sense that I have been watching the fight scenes in FotR. Because. That is what I do when I want to get the salient points of movies. I watch the fight scenes. BECAUSE THEY ROCK. Although Narnia's battles are still better choreographed that LotR's, because in my head Peter is a better general than Theoden, Aragorn, or Denethor. Not that he did much generalling, just a lot of craziness.)

Wait, where was I? Clothes. Yes, clothes. Seriously, I have never spent as much time staring at clothes, weapons, and armor as I have for -- okay, I lie. Spaceforce. Except all of the above are prettier in Narnia than they are currently for the U.S. military. (Spaceforce, a.k.a. the War on Terrorism expands to outer space, because you know those aliens. Also, Bedlam spends far too much time on little details, like: do ABU blouses have zippers or buttons, and also, oh shit, would a pilot even wear ABUs? He'd wear a flightsuit, wouldn't he? But what if he's stationed on an aircraft carrier? Although at this point by aircraft carrier, we mean starcarrier, and yeah, I know, Navy and Marine gig, but technically speaking, space is a USAF thing, so hey, it's USAF, Navy, and Marine pilots on a Navy starcarrier with a Navy crew hauling around Marines and Army Rangers, because in my universe, the military is giving like that. Also, fifteen years into the war, Congress figured the Army should finally get to get out of the sandbox and into the stars and I'll stop talking now because y'all seriously don't care.)

Excuse me. I have to go write Susan seducing interrogating a Calormene soldier and then nearly getting herself killed. Why did I have to look up clothes? I had to go look up how canonically lowcut her dresses are.

...wait, I forgot it was winter. NEVER MIND. THAT WAS FOR NAUGHT. God, Bedlam, try and remember the details of your own story.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
Hey, for anyone that remembers my senior project hijinks, here's what my 110K novel looks like in Wordle form:

I think the best part is how Beau and Cam are at right angles to each other )

Packing now! For what's coming with me, and then making sure what's staying behind is either wrapped up in plastic or, you know, just off the floor.

And of course my mother calls to ask me to bring her tennis shoes back. No, Mom, I don't have room in the suitcase I'm packing to EVACUATE NEW ORLEANS to bring back your tennis shoes.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (caught off-guard (astral_angel))
Clearly there are not gossip mags in Narnia, especially not during the Golden Age. I mean, it's hard to have paparazzi, when you're so technologically advanced a snapshot is, like, a sketch. "It's Queen Susan! Hold still! I have to copy down every detail of her dress so I can report in on What Narnia Wears." Or, alternately: "It's the High King! He's collapsed! Is that blood? Where's his sword! Nobody move him while I paint a quick picture that will make the front cover of Narnia Us Weekly."

This is brought to you by the current fic in progress, "These Last Golden Days of Summer," where the narrator is an OC and has a little sister that's, like, in lust with Edmund and wants all of Lucy's dresses and has a huge girlcrush on Susan and wouldn't dream of crushing on Peter because he's, you know, the High King. It would be like crushing on Aslan.

Also, I forgot how much fun it is to have a new fandom. Everything is fresh and shiny and full of squee! And there is meta, and fic, and plot bunnies, and people that like you -- I'm serious, ducks, it's been a while. For the past eight months my fandom has been my original novel, and yeah, that's great: )

And then Narnia came out. And -- I'd been so excited about it -- "Screw graduation!" I kept telling people. "I'm so excited for Prince Caspian!" -- but I didn't see it for a week. And then I saw it. And I was so excited, because I wanted to write and meta and squee and it was so different from Spaceforce! And I'd forgotten, really, what it's like to be in fandom, because for the past eight months -- for most of my fandom career, actually -- I've been a lurker, and a reader, and occasionally a writer. But I was so happy. And I forgot how wonderful feedback is, because you really do forget, when you're writing original fiction -- and I didn't even get feedback on my novel from the panel I presented to. (Except the vice principal, who apparently now thinks I am, like, next to God. "I can't believe I went through four years without knowing you!" he kept saying. "Sorry, I graduated, I guess you could have failed me.") I forgot how fantastic it is for people to be excited about the same things I'm excited about, and want to exchange intelligent discourse with me, and who don't think I'm over thinking, or that I'm too dark, or wonder why I care.

And I keep thinking -- "Thank you, thank the Gods, thank Walden Media and C.S. Lewis," -- but especially, thank you, for helping me remember why I got into this in the first place, for helping get me out of my own head. I'm reading. Fiction. And I'm writing fic, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with spaceships or the military or special forces, and I can be silly and talk about Narnian celebrity blogs if I want, or about my Aslan conspiracy theories, or why Peter is the High King and Caspian is just screwed, so screwed, and -- thank you so much, because I think I was on the edge of cracking. I was so tired, and now there's light, and I'm refreshed and happy and new again.

ARGH

May. 14th, 2008 05:03 pm
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (black powder (madamtorsion))
While transferring files between my computer and my flashdrive, I appear to have deleted several of them. ARGH ARGH ARGH.

I didn't lose whole pieces of fiction because I handwrite and then type it up, but I was working on a couple of different computers and I didn't back it up except for the flashdrive. This was supposed to back it up more, not get rid of everything.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
God, it says so much about my novel that I have to Google "u.s. navy mortuary affairs" -- fifty-three percent casualty rate, people! Fifty-three! On the North Carolina alone! That's over five thousand souls who never made it back to Earth. (All starcarriers do have cold storage for bodies, but a number of those lost die in space, which makes it nearly impossible to recover the bodies. As well, Mortuary Affairs Storage wasn't meant to have to carry that many dead, and so Engineering has rigged up a system to double some of the now-empty sections of the ship as cold storage to allow everyone who can come home to come home. Just before McAuliffe finally figured out the Zelenka converter, the senior staff were discussing the necessity of burial in space or at one of the American forts -- there reaches a point where it's impractical to carry around that many dead. Several thousand families are extremely grateful the North Carolina got home when it did, if only so that they could bury their children and spouses and parents.)
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
God, so much of my research time is spent looking up -- get this -- uniforms. Originally for a sex scene -- would it be so hard, Internet, to tell me if ABU blouses have zippers? We're guessing yes, since ACU blouses do -- but then I start thinking, oh, wait, Drew is a pilot, wouldn't he be in a flight suit, not ABUs? And then I go, huh, I wonder what the Navy personnel onboard a spaceship would be wearing?

No, really, this is how I do research. )

Well, there went six hours of my life. What was my point again?
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (dodging bullets (aretria))
So, I've been looking at other writing programs, since Word is a little bit of a mess to work with when I'm writing non-linearly -- oh, yeah, I figured this out when I was putting together the draft of my novel a month ago.

Screenshots and thoughts below )
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
In case anyone is interested, one of the rifles they're talking about here, the Heckler & Koch HK416, is the gun carried by Beau Lorne on the North Carolina in my original novel. In case anyone was wondering why I choose the throwaway things I do when writing; this is why research is important. The HK416 is currently carried by Delta Force; Beau is Delta.

I hadn't heard about the FN SCAR before, though. I also haven't established what rifle the Rangers onboard carry. I've mentioned that the Air Force carries FN P-90s, but that's less a matter of research and more a matter of me stealing from Stargate; I doubt I'm going to stick with the P-90, if only because it's not currently used by the U.S. and doesn't have anything that makes it stand out from other rifles. I haven't said what the Marines and the Navy carry, either, although I've probably used the M16 and M4; I just don't think I've made a big deal out of it.

Of course, since Delta can carry basically anything they want, I've also mentioned that along with all his luggage, Beau also brought a ton of different weapons, at least one of which is a Vietnam-era CAR-15. How do I know this? He made Colby shoot with it in a scene I've written. Why the CAR-15? A mention in Black Hawk Down, about a Delta operator carrying a Vietnam-era CAR-15 because it makes bigger holes than modern weapoons.

If anyone was wondering how I did research and made decisions. Which they probably weren't.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
I've been doing journals for the past two days, all of it on Kipling's poetry, and some of my entries have been inspired-by ficlets. All Spaceforce, of course.

And the last one is prompted by "The Song of the Dead."

If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha’ paid in full!


And -- like the header says -- I was kind of reading "Freedom's Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose", and writing about what happens after the end of the story and the epilogue (funerals. oh god), and listening to a Scott/Jean fanmix, and now I'm on the edge of tears. (Funerals. Funerals. More than one of them! Two for major characters!)

Of course I write all the superbly depressing scenes now. I love Kipling with the fire of a thousand burning suns, but I'm not even kidding, the least depressing scene I wrote was a flashback scene from the first wave that involves a ghost Rokasan spaceship. (From "The Merchantmen":

(Till, through the red tornado,
That lashed us nigh to blind,
We saw The Dutchman plunging,
Full canvas, head to wind!
)

The rest of it is death, and the moments before and after, and what happens when you're left all alone and you can't figure out why you survived and not the ones that deserve it.

(Final count: one funeral, one "why does Earth look like home now when it didn't before?", one "oh god, why did they leave me?", one "once more unto the breach for motherfucking revenge", one "why the hell is the ghost spaceship shooting at us", one "god, we'll never see people like this again.")
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
You know, I was really excited about not having to work on my novel once I handed my senior project portfolio in, but I'm so invested in Spaceforce that now I don't want to work on anything else.

*sigh*

*stares*

Mar. 22nd, 2008 08:28 pm
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
Oh my God, I added 14K worth of commentary to my novel and I still have to go back and add in more stuff, like disclaimers that say, "This is in no way finished nor is it supposed to be. No. Really. REALLY."

Granted, half of it is me going, "So how many ways can I mess up the timeline? EVERY SINGLE TIME I PUT DOWN A SPAN OF YEARS, apparently," but still.

[livejournal.com profile] limmenel, would you like me to e-mail the draft with commentary to you?
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
I do in fact have a 100K worth of novel; there is also the fact that it is about as disjointed as disjointed gets and makes no sense whatsoever. However. I have a 100K worth of novel! (Actually more; I have bits that even I couldn't figure out how to work into the draft.)

Also, I have to figure out if there is a better way of organizing the bits and pieces. Word so does not cut it. I'm sure there's a "perfect program" out there somewhere, I just have to find it.

Next up: Going through and adding commentary.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (black powder (madamtorsion))
*stabs novel*

God, I knew it was disconnected, but I didn't know it was this disconnected. This is why it's a bad idea to write in drips and drabs from all over the place, past and present, changing things as you see fit, not from any one character's POV.

AND NOW I AM VERY CONFUSED. SEND HELP.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
I have been doing character exercises with Creative Writing Club for the past few weeks; my default narrator is one Beau Lorne, so he's the one I've been working with. And the results are fun. (The exercises happen to come out of this book, which I have on loan from my AP English teacher, who also happens to be my Creative Writing Club adviser. Not this book, although I also have that one too.)

(Also, if someone would like the writing exercises, just drop a line and I'll e-mail them to you.)

Oh!...That Sort of Person )

What Do You Know About Your Characters? )
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
So, my novel is taking over my life. I'm eating, sleeping, and breathing Spaceforce. All my reading is research. My free time should be homework or, you know, getting the last pieces of my college applications in, but instead it's...um, well, it should be noveling, but it's mostly me staring at the computer/television holding a pencil and the shards of my broken brain.

I keep going, "Wait! Do these colleges require mid-year reports? Should I just send them anyway? Oh my God, why can't your website be clearer? And why am I watching Big Brother 9: 'Til Death Do We Part? Where have all my braincells gone? God, my teeth hurt. I can't believe I have to get the upper set of braces in April. God damn it, not only am I not doing orchestra this quarter because I'm missing both concerts to go to New Orleans to visit Tulane, there's also a chance I might miss the State basketball tournament. God fucking damn it, now the Embry-Riddle accepted student preview day is on the same day as the CBC jazz band competition, which I cannot miss. Oh my God, what the hell am I doing with my novel? Hey, look, a book about American nurses caught in Bataan during WWII. That looks kind of relevant. We're studying my least favorite subject in AP Lit to see if I'll literally have a rage blackout and kill either myself or the book, aren't we? Because there is no such thing as literary fiction and commercial fiction; it's a false divide amd it does not exist."

Sorry, is my stress showing?

That said, I have read the following books strictly for novel-related research purposes: one (1) book on the Civil War (Stealing the General: The Great Locomotive Chase and the First Medal of Honor), one (1) book on the Iraq War (From Baghdad, With Love: A Marine, the War, and a Dog Named Lava), and one (1) book on the Navy SEALs (Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of SEAL Team 10).

The following books are home for me from the library and on my to-read list:
House to House: An Epic Memoir of War
In The Company of Heroes
We Band of Angels: The Untold Story of American Nurses Trapped on Bataan by the Japanese
Power, Faith, and Fantasy: America in the Middle East: 1776 to the Present

Plus a bunch more that I went through the library and pinpointed to check out as soon as I finished reading the ones I have. Yes, because there's nothing better than doing a year's worth of research at the last minute. I feel this is a valuable life lesson for college.

Homework? What homework? I have to graduate high school, you know, I don't have time for homework.

I need an icon that says "High school has killed my GPA." Or "Senior Project has killed my GPA." Or "High school destroyed my dreams." I don't know. Clearly I'm not thinking straight or something.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
They changed the senior project requirements again.

Now it's the reflection letter -- which we already had to do, but they changed the content. Instead of being about the senior project experience (probably because they heard that everyone was planning to write about how the senior project sucked in it), it's now about our experience in high school.

Look, this shit is not stuff I want to share. I don't really want to look back on my high school career, okay? I had a lot of good experiences. I had some really bad ones. I had some that make me want to die because of how stupid I was. Let us be honest about the whole senior project experience, okay? You want feedback on it, right? Just let us give it to you so you don't screw over the class of 2009 the way you're doing us.

You know what? I'm worried about not graduating. I have the grades, I have the credits, I passed the WASL, I'm already accepted to two colleges -- but I don't know if I'm going to finish this, and it's scaring me, because I don't know what they want me to do. I'm an honors student. I'm not a 4.0 student, but I'm an honors student. I take AP classes and do extracurriculars and have leadership positions; I've done summer programs and I have a pretty detailed plan for what I'm doing after high school. I DON'T KNOW if I'm going to be able to finish this. I think I can, but I'm not actually kidding when I say I go home and it's a choice between homework, working on my novel, and filling out scholarship apps. I use take the novel option, because it's second semester of my senior year; I know I'm going to graduate class- and credits-wise. I don't know if I'm going to get my senior project done. And everyone's telling me I'm an idiot for explicitly stating "100,000 word science fiction novel," but what the hell, what's the use of stopping a story in the middle and calling it done? I've done NaNo, this should have been easy.

*looks at proposal* On the other hand, apparently I never actually said 100K, so praise the lord and hallelujah. I said "full novel" and "complete novel." Oh my God, I didn't say 100K, I said "full novel."

Okay, to make myself sound less stupid, the last time I looked at this thing was in May 2007. I swear to God I put 100K, but apparently not.

I also thought I said "draft", which I apparently did not do either. GOD DAMN IT.

Curiously, I did say, "The novel will cover the United States’ involvement in an intergalactic civil war, concentrating on themes of loyalty, change and adaptation, and shades of gray in wartime." Yeah. Those themes? Not here anymore. Well, I mean, they are, but they aren't the main themes.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (usaf cam (dragonlady981))
You know, I haven't done my reading for Gov, or my study guide for Gov, or installed Excel+PowerPoint+unneeded stuff on my laptop, or done my six graphs for Chem, but I did type up another two or three scenes of my novel. And look at some really pretty SGA art. And watch Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Original novel babble )

Also, now I have to go to bed so I can function tomorrow morning.
bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)
...I should make a list of "Things I Have Learned From Fandom That Are Going Into My Novel." The fact that it would include "The most depressing ending ever is the one where one half of a pairing dies and the other half goes back to Earth and teaches college" says so much about SGA fandom as a whole. No, really.

[livejournal.com profile] limmenel, you're suddenly in a tizzy wondering which of my babies is dying, aren't you?

See, and I'm a little surprised about this, but writing the I-Search paper actually did help me figure a few things out about my novel -- important things. Like the sociopolitical underpinnings, which I was aware of, but was hoping to just, you know, avoid. But if I actually look at them as important to the theme -- and holy God, are they ever -- then I have figured out the goddamn plot which hid for me for the past year. And it makes me alternately depressed and gleeful, because most depressing yet most perfect ending ever. I mean, it has to end this way. It just has to. ([livejournal.com profile] limmenel, you're going to kill me a lot.)

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