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five things make a post!
Sep. 16th, 2016 07:51 pm1. I'm currently doing a complete chronological rewatch/reread of all the Star Wars canon from TPM to Rogue One, to culminate with the Rebels S2 finale on December 15, which I started on September 1 and which has a schedule and a spreadsheet and which I've been making daily updates about on Tumblr, but haven't mentioned here. I'll finish TCW S1 today, and it's been an interesting experience -- less so now that I'm into something that I'm really, really familiar with than the first week (I'm not as familiar with the films as I am with the shows), but it's something I haven't done before. And seeing how the chronological order plays out when I usually skip around is illuminating in ways I didn't expect.
2. This whole week I have been so, so tired, and I don't know why -- if I'm getting sick, if I'm pre-menstrual, if it's stress because there has been a Thing, if it's because I went from being totally on my own and going for daily multi-mile walks to living with three other people (my cousin is here right now) and essentially never leaving the house except maybe to check the mail, if it's because I'm just putting off doing application stuff, I don't know. But I'm essentially just constantly exhausted, and occasionally it passes for a few minutes at a time -- there was about an hour today where I basically inhaled enough black tea to kill a small animal in the hopes of retaining the will to stay on my feet and awake in order to gt the pork tenderloin on, but as soon as that it was done it passed and I was back to being so, so tired. I don't know, maybe I'm just unwilling to deal with anything going on around me and I'm showing it by being exhausted all the time. Maybe it's because I moved home and stopped leaving the house. Or moving. Almost at all. Who knows.
2a. Given everything else in my life right now, I am also willing to admit that I'm pretty sure this is a textbook depression sign.
2b. About 95% of the time I feel like I've lost the ability to feel human emotions, or at least anything other than blinding rage, hatred, or existential sadness. The other 5% is fine, though.
3. I really want a fourth tattoo (did I ever say here that I got a third?), but that's not a possibility right now because my parents still don't know about the first three, as they've always been very outspoken about tattoos and I am terrified to find out how they'll react, so I just...haven't worn tanktops since I got home. (Two of mine are on my back, and the third one is high on my thigh, so I'm just really careful about not letting my shorts ride up. Well, back when it was still shorts weather, anyway.)
4. I hate not currently being in school. I bitch about school a lot, but for the past twenty years my entire life has been defined by being a student, and I hate not having that right now. I'm currently reading through the publications of some of the profs I'm looking at for grad school, and it's really, really soothing to read. (Which I guess is a good sign if I like her research, though it's sort of sideways to my own.) You'd think I'd be taking this as impetus to work harder (or...at all...) on my applications, but...no.
5. So there's a trilogy of books that I normally reread at the end of every term, or barring that at the end of every school year, which I've been doing for, oh, probably since 2006 now. Except for the last two years, where for whatever reason, I didn't do so even though I had them in New Orleans with me. I did try, but I just...couldn't. And I don't know how related it is, but those past two years I felt like I never really full turned "off," I guess, even during vacations. I'm rereading them now and it's such an enormous relief -- like reading them is telling myself gently that it's okay, I can relax now. (I can't, because see above re: applications and also the mess that my life is, but...actually being able to read them is a huge relief.)
2. This whole week I have been so, so tired, and I don't know why -- if I'm getting sick, if I'm pre-menstrual, if it's stress because there has been a Thing, if it's because I went from being totally on my own and going for daily multi-mile walks to living with three other people (my cousin is here right now) and essentially never leaving the house except maybe to check the mail, if it's because I'm just putting off doing application stuff, I don't know. But I'm essentially just constantly exhausted, and occasionally it passes for a few minutes at a time -- there was about an hour today where I basically inhaled enough black tea to kill a small animal in the hopes of retaining the will to stay on my feet and awake in order to gt the pork tenderloin on, but as soon as that it was done it passed and I was back to being so, so tired. I don't know, maybe I'm just unwilling to deal with anything going on around me and I'm showing it by being exhausted all the time. Maybe it's because I moved home and stopped leaving the house. Or moving. Almost at all. Who knows.
2a. Given everything else in my life right now, I am also willing to admit that I'm pretty sure this is a textbook depression sign.
2b. About 95% of the time I feel like I've lost the ability to feel human emotions, or at least anything other than blinding rage, hatred, or existential sadness. The other 5% is fine, though.
3. I really want a fourth tattoo (did I ever say here that I got a third?), but that's not a possibility right now because my parents still don't know about the first three, as they've always been very outspoken about tattoos and I am terrified to find out how they'll react, so I just...haven't worn tanktops since I got home. (Two of mine are on my back, and the third one is high on my thigh, so I'm just really careful about not letting my shorts ride up. Well, back when it was still shorts weather, anyway.)
4. I hate not currently being in school. I bitch about school a lot, but for the past twenty years my entire life has been defined by being a student, and I hate not having that right now. I'm currently reading through the publications of some of the profs I'm looking at for grad school, and it's really, really soothing to read. (Which I guess is a good sign if I like her research, though it's sort of sideways to my own.) You'd think I'd be taking this as impetus to work harder (or...at all...) on my applications, but...no.
5. So there's a trilogy of books that I normally reread at the end of every term, or barring that at the end of every school year, which I've been doing for, oh, probably since 2006 now. Except for the last two years, where for whatever reason, I didn't do so even though I had them in New Orleans with me. I did try, but I just...couldn't. And I don't know how related it is, but those past two years I felt like I never really full turned "off," I guess, even during vacations. I'm rereading them now and it's such an enormous relief -- like reading them is telling myself gently that it's okay, I can relax now. (I can't, because see above re: applications and also the mess that my life is, but...actually being able to read them is a huge relief.)