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bedlamsbard1. My mother got back from Japan today, so now I'm no longer alone in the house and just taking care of myself. And now things have to be back on a certain kind of schedule again, instead of just whenever I feel.
2. I've been working on our semi-feral barn cats (Convor, Fyrnock, Tibidee, Dokma, and Romulus Augustulus -- he's the only male), and after months Fyrnock, the bravest of them, finally let me pet her. She's still pretty unsure about it, but she hasn't tried to scratch me or anything, and every time I go out to feed the cats she winds around my feet and rubs against me. The others are still keeping their distance -- Dokma's never come out from behind the spray rig -- but at least Fyrnock!
2a. Yes, I named my cats after critters from Star Wars Rebels. Except for Romulus Augustulus, obviously.
3. I'm dissociating a little, or maybe a lot, from the whole...politics thing. (You know the thing, everyone knows the thing.) If I think about it I freak out; if I don't, I'm also thinking about how I'm not thinking about it and then I feel guilty/bad/terrible about that. It's...a lot.
3a. I know I made a dramatic statement the other day, but I'm really glad right now that I do technically have Japanese citizenship as well as U.S. citizenship.
3b. My mom came back and just sort of... "oh, are your friends disappointed about the election?" because she knows that, well, literally everyone I know and am close to that I'm not related to is pretty damn liberal. (My parents don't really process that I am also a liberal. Like, an actual conversation I have had with my father is "of course you have the same opinions I do, you're my daughter." I think this was after I refused to talk to him for four months after last Christmas's disaster. My mother's not that much better.) But it's just...really jarring, because, one, I am also pretty upset! One reason I am very glad that both my parents were gone is because I spent the next two or three days crying intermittently, due to the combination of disappointment and terror and anger and my always disastrous emotional ups and downs. And also..."disappointed" is just such a disconnect from the other emotions I'm seeing from people I know.
3c. I live in a pretty conservative county -- farming and ranching country, with the university right there in contrast to that -- and when I'm at the store or the library or whatever it's just...hackles up in a way that it wasn't a week ago.
3d. One of the major reasons I stopped thinking seriously about going back to the UK for the PhD was because my Twitter feed for the past few months has been UK people going "look at all these racist incidents in the UK since the referendum!" *waves at the great American disaster* I guess that's...no longer an issue. I mean, still an issue, but apparently the U.S. is not currently any different so maybe I will start looking at UK PhD programs.
3e. Given the world suddenly seems to be falling apart working on my PhD apps seems so fucking pointless.
3f. So does everything else, but...well, like I said. Dissociating.
4. I've been scratching open my ear again, so that's...fun. It's a stress thing, I suspect.
5. tbh at this point my entire attitude is "dear god we're all going to die, what is the point of anything."
2. I've been working on our semi-feral barn cats (Convor, Fyrnock, Tibidee, Dokma, and Romulus Augustulus -- he's the only male), and after months Fyrnock, the bravest of them, finally let me pet her. She's still pretty unsure about it, but she hasn't tried to scratch me or anything, and every time I go out to feed the cats she winds around my feet and rubs against me. The others are still keeping their distance -- Dokma's never come out from behind the spray rig -- but at least Fyrnock!
2a. Yes, I named my cats after critters from Star Wars Rebels. Except for Romulus Augustulus, obviously.
3. I'm dissociating a little, or maybe a lot, from the whole...politics thing. (You know the thing, everyone knows the thing.) If I think about it I freak out; if I don't, I'm also thinking about how I'm not thinking about it and then I feel guilty/bad/terrible about that. It's...a lot.
3a. I know I made a dramatic statement the other day, but I'm really glad right now that I do technically have Japanese citizenship as well as U.S. citizenship.
3b. My mom came back and just sort of... "oh, are your friends disappointed about the election?" because she knows that, well, literally everyone I know and am close to that I'm not related to is pretty damn liberal. (My parents don't really process that I am also a liberal. Like, an actual conversation I have had with my father is "of course you have the same opinions I do, you're my daughter." I think this was after I refused to talk to him for four months after last Christmas's disaster. My mother's not that much better.) But it's just...really jarring, because, one, I am also pretty upset! One reason I am very glad that both my parents were gone is because I spent the next two or three days crying intermittently, due to the combination of disappointment and terror and anger and my always disastrous emotional ups and downs. And also..."disappointed" is just such a disconnect from the other emotions I'm seeing from people I know.
3c. I live in a pretty conservative county -- farming and ranching country, with the university right there in contrast to that -- and when I'm at the store or the library or whatever it's just...hackles up in a way that it wasn't a week ago.
3d. One of the major reasons I stopped thinking seriously about going back to the UK for the PhD was because my Twitter feed for the past few months has been UK people going "look at all these racist incidents in the UK since the referendum!" *waves at the great American disaster* I guess that's...no longer an issue. I mean, still an issue, but apparently the U.S. is not currently any different so maybe I will start looking at UK PhD programs.
3e. Given the world suddenly seems to be falling apart working on my PhD apps seems so fucking pointless.
3f. So does everything else, but...well, like I said. Dissociating.
4. I've been scratching open my ear again, so that's...fun. It's a stress thing, I suspect.
5. tbh at this point my entire attitude is "dear god we're all going to die, what is the point of anything."
(no subject)
Date: 2016-11-15 09:35 pm (UTC)THAT IS THE BEST CAT NAME! Do you have pictures?
*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2016-11-15 09:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-11-16 09:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2016-11-16 09:59 pm (UTC)