bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera with her arms folded, smiling (hera)
[personal profile] bedlamsbard
1. I've been in a weird, grumpy mood lately -- I'm traveling this week so I'm stressed out about that (I hate traveling), I had my period, it's end of season stress, it's March, I've had a weird on-and-off writing....year, really, last year was a nightmare and I'm not over it yet. Trying to decide about SWCO. Trying to decide about grad schools. Not focusing well on whatever books I'm reading. My dad being back. I'm not really talking to anyone online; I'm not talking to anyone other than my parents in RL. I don't leave the house except to go to Fred Meyer. I don't exercise. The weather is...getting better, but it's that end of winter/beginning of spring slush.

2. I'm going to Atlanta on Wednesday to visit Emory, which I've got mixed feelings about -- I mean, god, I need to get out of this town, I need to interact with actual human beings who aren't my parents, but I don't like traveling (it's a full day in transit either way), I've never been to Atlanta before, and it's going to be several days of interacting with complete strangers who I need to impress. Well, I don't know how much I actually need to impress them, since they already made me the offer, but I don't want to be a complete disaster up front, you know? (They can't...take away the offer, can they? I assume I would have to fuck up real bad to accomplish that and I'm not sure there's anything I can do that's that bad unless I like. Trip and murder a professor.)

2a. I hate traveling and will start freaking out about the most minute details literally months in advance, which means I get crazier and crazier as the day approaches. (Also, checking weather reports, it's not actually, like, warm in Atlanta this week? It's basically the same as Ellensburg, looks like.)

3. I was going to visit the University of Kentucky, but there's like...a very slim chance I'm going to say yes to Kentucky, because the Emory offer is just so much better and the program is basically tailor-made for me. So I told them I couldn't visit, but now I feel bad about it. (But hey, that means I'm not going to be in transit again in March -- oh, I need to tell my friend in Lexington I'm not going and won't be staying with her.)

3a. I guess if Emory rescinds the offer for accidentally tripping and murdering a professor I can always go to Kentucky.

4. I am trying to sort out my feelings about SWCO because I told S (who I'd be rooming with) I'd get back to her by Monday. It's really, really hard for me to separate my feelings about SWCO from my feelings about X, and I'm not sure I can; if I go I'll be nervous about her the entire time, if I don't go I'll be angry at her for taking that from me for the next two years. The only two things that are making me hesitate are the money (which I have) and X (will have to avoid all Hera cosplayers just in case it's her).

4a. My mother thinks that I shouldn't go because it's expensive (true) and she thinks it's childish, but she thinks everything I do except the grad school thing is childish so there's that.

4b. The most recent family drama is that my cousin A, her (semi-estranged? no one seems to be sure?) husband, her two tiny children showed up unannounced at the family home in Japan last week and will be staying for the next month, so like, between A doing that and my father, Mr. "I found some cheap tickets so I'm going to Thailand and Laos for the next four months, I'm leaving the day after tomorrow, can you book the airport shuttle for me?" (true story), I don't really think my travel choices are the ones in this family that ought to be criticized.

5. I am at this point pretty determined to do the runDisney Star Wars Half-Marathon next year -- well, the 10K -- to the extent that I told all my college friends about it in the hopes of scheduling a girls' weekend at Disney World next April. (The Dark Side one -- the Light Side one at Disneyland is my birthday weekend, which, I don't want to do that on my birthday, and I feel like January will be harder to schedule around anyway. Though they haven't announced the dates for next year yet, probably because this year's hasn't happened yet.) Signs are looking positive on the friends' front, anyway, and Alaska said that she's also interested in running the 10K. Chicago said very firmly that she will not be running but she's up for the Disney vacation part.

5a. I have not run since high school ten years ago, but it's more than a year off so that's plenty of time to get in shape, right? And their minimum mile time is sixteen minutes and that's still over my walking time for a mile, so that should be...fine...anyway I have already planned my running costume.

5b. I am also trying to work on my massive commitment issues (the whole debacle with SWCO has not helped), so planning something with multiple people a year in advance
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bedlamsbard: star wars rebels: hera peering around a corner (Default)

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