in some solitary midnight Starbucks Golgotha
Apr. 22nd, 2025 07:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Today's poem:
I Have News for You
There are people who do not see a broken playground swing
as a symbol of ruined childhood
and there are people who don't interpret the behavior
of a fly in a motel room as a mocking representation of their thought process.
There are people who don't walk past an empty swimming pool
and think about past pleasures unrecoverable
and then stand there blocking the sidewalk for other pedestrians.
I have read about a town somewhere in California where human beings
do not send their sinuous feeder roots
deep into the potting soil of others' emotional lives
as if they were greedy six-year-olds
sucking the last half-inch of milkshake up through a noisy straw;
and other persons in the Midwest who can kiss without
debating the imperialist baggage of heterosexuality.
Do you see that creamy, lemon-yellow moon?
There are some people, unlike me and you,
who do not yearn after fame or love or quantities of money as
unattainable as that moon;
thus, they do not later
have to waste more time
defaming the object of their former ardor.
Or consequently run and crucify themselves
in some solitary midnight Starbucks Golgotha.
I have news for you—
there are people who get up in the morning and cross a room
and open a window to let the sweet breeze in
and let it touch them all over their faces and bodies.
--Tony Hoagland
*
I Have News for You
There are people who do not see a broken playground swing
as a symbol of ruined childhood
and there are people who don't interpret the behavior
of a fly in a motel room as a mocking representation of their thought process.
There are people who don't walk past an empty swimming pool
and think about past pleasures unrecoverable
and then stand there blocking the sidewalk for other pedestrians.
I have read about a town somewhere in California where human beings
do not send their sinuous feeder roots
deep into the potting soil of others' emotional lives
as if they were greedy six-year-olds
sucking the last half-inch of milkshake up through a noisy straw;
and other persons in the Midwest who can kiss without
debating the imperialist baggage of heterosexuality.
Do you see that creamy, lemon-yellow moon?
There are some people, unlike me and you,
who do not yearn after fame or love or quantities of money as
unattainable as that moon;
thus, they do not later
have to waste more time
defaming the object of their former ardor.
Or consequently run and crucify themselves
in some solitary midnight Starbucks Golgotha.
I have news for you—
there are people who get up in the morning and cross a room
and open a window to let the sweet breeze in
and let it touch them all over their faces and bodies.
--Tony Hoagland
*
(no subject)
Apr. 22nd, 2025 10:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Well, it's been 2 weeks since my last post, so here's an update.
( mentions of health issues )
*
In job news, something pretty huge and happy-making has happened???
One of the 4 companies I interviewed with has gotten back to me (after like 7 stages) to say they want me to work for them and they'll send me a contract offer in the next few days (which is standard). Fingers crossed, nothing certain until papers are signed etc, but. BUT.
It's been over a year, and finally I have a job offer.
At least one company wants to pay me a decent salary with all the nice perks and everything.
Now, if I had no other offers and was not in the running for any other position, I would take this one IN A HEARTBEAT. I would take it and be SO GRATEFUL.
But since I am still somehow in the process with 3 other companies, I'm in the weird position of mentally wondering which one I'd choose if they were to make me an offer.
Company #2 - I've finished all the interviews, and they're supposed to get back to me tomorrow on whether they want to check my references, which usually takes 1-2 days and is more of a formality. There's good reason to assume that if they say yes to me tomorrow they'll make me an offer next week.
Company #3 - I'm doing my final interview with them on Thursday, a big presentation, and after that they'll let me know if they're interested, no reference checks. If they want me they'll just make an offer.
Company #4 - the actual company of my heart, that all other considerations aside I would probably choose to work for because I love their product so much - I'm doing my final interview with them on Monday (next week). Of course they have the WORST HR process, so I actually have no idea what their next step is and whether there's something else they'll want to do before deciding yay/nay after Monday.
Now I'm mostly stressed because Company #1, that's already told me they want me, will probably try to pressure me to finalize a contract with them before Company #4 has a chance to decide whether they want me, sigh.
All of these potential roles are so good. None of them are "I can live with that" compromises. All of them are amazing, it's more a question of specific types of amazing, and of course I ideally want the combination that works best for me.
It is utterly surreal to be in this position after a year and 2 months of being unemployed. UTTERLY SURREAL.
But you know, maybe all the other companies will reject me and only Company #1 will remain, which will still be perfectly fine and even great.
Or maybe I somehow manage to fuck up this whole thing and will be left with nothing ////o\\\\ IDK it's just too good to be true at the moment.
Phew. Deep breath. The next 2 weeks will be continued stress, especially since I have a big presentation on Thursday and on Monday, but then... then. I don't know. Maybe, just maybe. *fingers crossed*
( mentions of health issues )
*
In job news, something pretty huge and happy-making has happened???
One of the 4 companies I interviewed with has gotten back to me (after like 7 stages) to say they want me to work for them and they'll send me a contract offer in the next few days (which is standard). Fingers crossed, nothing certain until papers are signed etc, but. BUT.
It's been over a year, and finally I have a job offer.
At least one company wants to pay me a decent salary with all the nice perks and everything.
Now, if I had no other offers and was not in the running for any other position, I would take this one IN A HEARTBEAT. I would take it and be SO GRATEFUL.
But since I am still somehow in the process with 3 other companies, I'm in the weird position of mentally wondering which one I'd choose if they were to make me an offer.
Company #2 - I've finished all the interviews, and they're supposed to get back to me tomorrow on whether they want to check my references, which usually takes 1-2 days and is more of a formality. There's good reason to assume that if they say yes to me tomorrow they'll make me an offer next week.
Company #3 - I'm doing my final interview with them on Thursday, a big presentation, and after that they'll let me know if they're interested, no reference checks. If they want me they'll just make an offer.
Company #4 - the actual company of my heart, that all other considerations aside I would probably choose to work for because I love their product so much - I'm doing my final interview with them on Monday (next week). Of course they have the WORST HR process, so I actually have no idea what their next step is and whether there's something else they'll want to do before deciding yay/nay after Monday.
Now I'm mostly stressed because Company #1, that's already told me they want me, will probably try to pressure me to finalize a contract with them before Company #4 has a chance to decide whether they want me, sigh.
All of these potential roles are so good. None of them are "I can live with that" compromises. All of them are amazing, it's more a question of specific types of amazing, and of course I ideally want the combination that works best for me.
It is utterly surreal to be in this position after a year and 2 months of being unemployed. UTTERLY SURREAL.
But you know, maybe all the other companies will reject me and only Company #1 will remain, which will still be perfectly fine and even great.
Or maybe I somehow manage to fuck up this whole thing and will be left with nothing ////o\\\\ IDK it's just too good to be true at the moment.
Phew. Deep breath. The next 2 weeks will be continued stress, especially since I have a big presentation on Thursday and on Monday, but then... then. I don't know. Maybe, just maybe. *fingers crossed*
If anyone could use a morale boost
Apr. 22nd, 2025 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2025/04/protests-erupt-across-the-uk-after-supreme-court-ruled-against-trans-rights/
Many many pictures.
Also, more protests yet to come, apparently, with ones scheduled for Oxford and Cambridge.
Many many pictures.
Also, more protests yet to come, apparently, with ones scheduled for Oxford and Cambridge.
this picnic is no picnic
Apr. 21st, 2025 06:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Monday miscellany:
- So what are the odds we get an antipope this time in addition to a pope?
- Sepinwall gave season 2 of Andor a good review (minor spoilers, I guess) - the first 3 episodes drop tomorrow and it sounds like they are doing 3 episodes a week for 4 weeks, as each one comprises a mini-arc. Trying not to get spoiled on the internet is sure to be a nightmare.
- I haven't done the AO3 stats meme regularly since 2018 because not much changes in my top 10. In 2021, however, I made note of some up-and-comers in the 11-20 slots, and it turns out that as of 4/20/25, Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc (i.e., the one where Dick convinces Jason to stop killing through the power of hugs) has crept into the top 10 by hits - it's number 9! (It looks like Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough) (the Steve/Bucky remix AU where Steve finds Bucky working as a barista) is the one that fell out of the top 10.)
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc also made inroads into the top 10 by kudos, landing at number 5! Additionally, 2 Star Wars stories also found their way into the top 10 by kudos: There's Still Time to Change the Road You're On (in which Anakin time travels to the post-RotJ era and meets his kids) at 6, and deep as a secret nobody knows (AU where Leia tells Vader she's Padme's daughter and it changes everything) at number 8!
The 3 Avengers stories that dropped are again, Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough), plus Even a Miracle Needs a Hand (Clint/Darcy fake Christmas boyfriend), and with the lights out, it's less dangerous (Steve/Bucky, then and now).
According to these posts, I did not previously do the full list by comments, but I will note the appearance of deep as a secret nobody knows at number 3 on the comments list, and another Vader-and-Leia AU, Just a Little Bit of History Repeating, at number 10, with the VMars/Avengers crossover we travel without seatbelts on sitting pretty at number 7.
So I guess given enough time, these things CAN change.
- Today's poem:
Nothing Will Warn You
by Stephen Dunn
Nothing will warn you,
not even the promise of severe weather
or the threats of neighbors muttered
under their breath, unheard by the sonar
in you that no longer functions.
You'll be expecting blue skies, perhaps
a picnic at which you'll be anticipating
a reward for being the best handler
of raw meat in a county known
for its per capita cases of salmonella.
You'll have no memory of those women
with old grievances nor will you guess
that small bulge in one of their purses
could be a derringer. You'll be opening
a cold one, thinking this is the life,
this is the very life I've always wanted.
Nothing will warn you,
no one will blurt out that this picnic
is no picnic, the clouds in the west
will be darkly billowing toward you,
and you will not hear your neighbors'
conspiratorial whispers. You'll be
readying yourself to tell the joke
no one has ever laughed at, the joke
someone would have told you by now
is only funny if told on yourself, but no one
has ever liked you enough to say so.
Even your wife never warned you.
***
- So what are the odds we get an antipope this time in addition to a pope?
- Sepinwall gave season 2 of Andor a good review (minor spoilers, I guess) - the first 3 episodes drop tomorrow and it sounds like they are doing 3 episodes a week for 4 weeks, as each one comprises a mini-arc. Trying not to get spoiled on the internet is sure to be a nightmare.
- I haven't done the AO3 stats meme regularly since 2018 because not much changes in my top 10. In 2021, however, I made note of some up-and-comers in the 11-20 slots, and it turns out that as of 4/20/25, Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc (i.e., the one where Dick convinces Jason to stop killing through the power of hugs) has crept into the top 10 by hits - it's number 9! (It looks like Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough) (the Steve/Bucky remix AU where Steve finds Bucky working as a barista) is the one that fell out of the top 10.)
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc also made inroads into the top 10 by kudos, landing at number 5! Additionally, 2 Star Wars stories also found their way into the top 10 by kudos: There's Still Time to Change the Road You're On (in which Anakin time travels to the post-RotJ era and meets his kids) at 6, and deep as a secret nobody knows (AU where Leia tells Vader she's Padme's daughter and it changes everything) at number 8!
The 3 Avengers stories that dropped are again, Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough), plus Even a Miracle Needs a Hand (Clint/Darcy fake Christmas boyfriend), and with the lights out, it's less dangerous (Steve/Bucky, then and now).
According to these posts, I did not previously do the full list by comments, but I will note the appearance of deep as a secret nobody knows at number 3 on the comments list, and another Vader-and-Leia AU, Just a Little Bit of History Repeating, at number 10, with the VMars/Avengers crossover we travel without seatbelts on sitting pretty at number 7.
So I guess given enough time, these things CAN change.
- Today's poem:
Nothing Will Warn You
by Stephen Dunn
Nothing will warn you,
not even the promise of severe weather
or the threats of neighbors muttered
under their breath, unheard by the sonar
in you that no longer functions.
You'll be expecting blue skies, perhaps
a picnic at which you'll be anticipating
a reward for being the best handler
of raw meat in a county known
for its per capita cases of salmonella.
You'll have no memory of those women
with old grievances nor will you guess
that small bulge in one of their purses
could be a derringer. You'll be opening
a cold one, thinking this is the life,
this is the very life I've always wanted.
Nothing will warn you,
no one will blurt out that this picnic
is no picnic, the clouds in the west
will be darkly billowing toward you,
and you will not hear your neighbors'
conspiratorial whispers. You'll be
readying yourself to tell the joke
no one has ever laughed at, the joke
someone would have told you by now
is only funny if told on yourself, but no one
has ever liked you enough to say so.
Even your wife never warned you.
***
Tiny joys in gross work
Apr. 21st, 2025 02:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Vacuuming for the flea issue does lead to some glee when you see all the dead fleas in the water tank of the vacuum.
UK people: disability benefit cuts
Apr. 21st, 2025 09:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Rebellion is growing among Labour MPs, so if you have a Labour MP, now is a VERY good and important time to write to them to protest the proposed PIP and other cuts:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/apr/20/the-whole-policy-is-wrong-rebellion-among-labour-mps-grows-over-5bn-benefits-cut
(If you have a non-Labour MP, hassle them too and see if they can be persuaded to do something vaguely useful.)
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/apr/20/the-whole-policy-is-wrong-rebellion-among-labour-mps-grows-over-5bn-benefits-cut
(If you have a non-Labour MP, hassle them too and see if they can be persuaded to do something vaguely useful.)
What Are You Reading Weekend returns!
Apr. 20th, 2025 03:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Apparently, I have not made one of these posts since June least year. I don’t know how 10 months have passed, I feel like I only recently finished The Woman In White.
I spent a lot of yesterday reading about 1970s far-left Japanese insurgent groups. ( I had no idea they even existed )
Currently Reading:
Fiction
Gregory McGuire, Wicked. Someone told me that this book was “not as good” as the musical, and I’ve definitely heard people say it’s Worse In The Queer Way. I am baffled. The ableism as applies to Nessa Rose is still there, but honestly, far less simplistic.
Edmund White, The Beautiful Room Is Empty. The front cover of this second-hand copy fell off shortly after I got it, and then the book (I’d guess 90s paperback?) fell behind the bed and the back cover has taken some weird damp damage as well. I have a new copy on the way, because… well, because.
Non-Fiction
Will Tosh, Straight Acting: The Many Queer Lives of William Shakespeare, in fits and starts
Richard Firth Green, A Crisis of Truth. I’ve had the USyd copy out for nearly a year now, revisiting (in fits and starts) legal details I did not particularly care about or didn’t internalise at any point 2008-2022, but the vague memories of which impede and frustrate my encounters with modern legal history. I have tried, on and off, since at least 2011, to buy a second-hand copy, and it has never been worth the $50 AUD + shipping given I had access to university copies. But I found a NEW copy for $40-ish dollars and domestic shipping, from an Aus/NZ online-only bookstore. I think it might be print-on-demand? Everything looks exactly the same (cover, pagination, publication details page) except for the tiny note on the final verso which, instead of “printed in the united states”, has the details of “Ingram Content Group Australia”.
And part-read on the backburner: (selected)
Bruce Pascoe, Dark Emu
Bessel Van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score
Hannah Fry, The Indisputable Existence of Santa Claus. Fun Christmas-themed maths/logic exercises.
and, for some reason, Enid Blyton More Adventures on Willow Tree Farm. I ploughed through both Cherry Tree and Willow Tree farms in audiobook then stalled out on this one. Unsure if its not for me or if I just lost whatever “inner seven year old is running the show” mood I was in; unsure whether to abandon it or file it for a future mood.
Recently Read:
The Secret Barrister: Stories of the Law and How It's Broken by The Secret Barrister
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was fascinating, and written with remarkable humour and wit for what is actually angry and depressing material.
Also I learned how the Magistrates Court works in the UK and who presides over them, and I am ... wow. What IS really striking is that the Secret Barrister doesn't seem to be aware that it's not just the Americans who don't do the "lay magistrate" thing - down here in Aus we started with those, thanks to colonialism, and decided to get rid of them!
Conversely, the Secret Barrister also doesn't seem to be aware of the aspects of the UK (/Eng-Wales) system which closely related jurisdictions in fact envy! "The UK has much greater availability of legal aid" is something I've heard plenty of commentators upon how NSW works remark upon.
Restless Dolly Maunder by Kate Grenville
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I wonder what it says about me that read The Secret River, and came away with a fascination with the history of the Hawkesbuy but no real desire to keep reading Kate Grenville until this came across my path. And I loved it, and admired it much, much more than the literary-lush narrative style she wins awards for.
This is sparse - clearly fiction, in the way it invents incidents and individual conversations and scenes for a woman whom Grenville did not know well while she was alive - but sparse, hewing close to the documented outline of her grandmother's life. At times I could actually identify the context-providing sources that she would have needed to cite, if this was a biography.
And Dolly Maunder is such a well-drawn character, while growing progressively less and less likeable as she gets older. I liked the *book* more and more the less likeable she became. The points where the narrative dwelt sympathetically on her - when, for instance, she thinks over how she and her husband have been compatible and successful business partners despite their loveless marriage, she's still not a person that *I* would like (or who would like me, at all).
It's also striking - given I then went on to read "One Life", which was written earlier than this one - how *unlikeable* Grenville's mother appears in this book, too. One sympathises with her, bounced from school to school and town to town and too aware that her mother does not love her: but it's hard to like her. In "One Life", she is likeable and Dolly is not; in "Restless Dolly Maunder" it's hard to like either of them, but one is invited to sympathise with Dolly's awareness of her own inability to bond with her daughter as much as with the daughter.
One Life: My Mother's Story by Kate Grenville
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Should this be shelved with fiction or biography? Restless Dolly Maunder is clearly fiction, but there has been fictionalising here, too - the scripting of scenes and conversations, at minimum.
The life of Isabella/Nance, who trained as a pharmacist in the years of the Great Depression - one of the few jobs, her mother was told, where a woman could keep working after marriage or even children (although, in Nance's several attempts to set up her own business, to support her family while her husband first pursued radical politics then the law, it became clear that being legally able to own and run a business did not overcome the practical barriers) - is in many ways more interesting to me than that of Dolly, but I believe I preferred Dolly's novel to this, perhaps because Restless Dolly Maunder stood just a little further over the fiction line.
I Can't Remember The Title But The Cover Is Blue by Elias Greig
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was extremely funny - little dialogue style "Me: ... Customer [Characteristic]: ..." scenes, brought to life by excellent caricatures.
Checkers by John Marsden
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Found this in a box at home. I never ended up with a copy of So Much To Tell You but I had this.
Honestly not his greatest work - although good work on realistially and empathetically characterising an assortment of kids in inpatient psych. I'd completely forgotten there was a gay character here.
What brings it up from 3 starts to 4 is the sheer audacity of writing a Teenagers In Psych Ward novel which is also a mystery/thriller about, of all the fucking things, _insider trading_. It works though!
Backdated: The next bunch of books in my record after Detransition Baby and Stephanie Alexander’s Home are a bunch of Chaucer and/or 18th c texts, and then an eight-book re-read of Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness series and then Protector of the Small. This was, as you might guess, deep in the “this egg is now scrambled” phase. I… have a few actually load-bearing thoughts on Alana, which I ought to write up one day (in conversation with PTerry, and probably also Silence and also Butler and also fucking Pierre Bourdieu).
But I will also say that something which I struggle with - I remember turning this over and over in my head in my late teens and early twenties - is that… not only am I not like Alana, it’s a total toss-up whether Alana would like me. Kel, on the other hand? It’s pretty clear I have little in common with Kel, and I doubt she’d think I was ideal company - but I remember thinking somewhere in my late teens or early twenties “but I am, or I think I should be, someone Kel would respect”, which is a wholly different question.
Some short fiction, read at some point
Cislyn Smith, Tides that Bind, which is about Scylla and Charibdys.
Abra Staffin-Wiebe, Becks Pest Control and the Case of the Drag Show Downer. This was published in 2022, back when drag + kids was Topical, scary, but still more of a harbinger than the “just one part of all the Doom” situation we have now.
Michelle Lyn King, One-Hundred Percent Humidity, which Electric Lit pubished with the compelling tagline “The only thing more humiliating than virginity is sex”.
Guan Un, Re: Your Stone , in which Sisyphus encountered corporate email.
Recently Added To My To-Read List:
Fiction:
Leanna Renee Hieber, Strangely Beautiful, which looks like a fun lil steampunk adventure
Victor Heringer, trans James Young, The Love of Singular Men. If I’m on a gay lit dive, I definitely don’t read enough in translation, and this looks like my kind of thing.
Steve MinOn, First name, second name. Aus lit, Chinese myth/cosmology and immigrant intergenerational heritage, queer author, porous boundary between fiction and autobiography. Seems like fun to me.
Non-fiction
Moudhy Al-Rashid, Between Two Rivers: Ancient Mesopotamia and the Birth of History
Billy-Ray Belcourt, A history of my brief body
Esther Cuenca Liberman, The making of urban customary law in medieval Europe
I spent a lot of yesterday reading about 1970s far-left Japanese insurgent groups. ( I had no idea they even existed )
Currently Reading:
Fiction
Non-Fiction
And part-read on the backburner: (selected)
Recently Read:

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was fascinating, and written with remarkable humour and wit for what is actually angry and depressing material.
Also I learned how the Magistrates Court works in the UK and who presides over them, and I am ... wow. What IS really striking is that the Secret Barrister doesn't seem to be aware that it's not just the Americans who don't do the "lay magistrate" thing - down here in Aus we started with those, thanks to colonialism, and decided to get rid of them!
Conversely, the Secret Barrister also doesn't seem to be aware of the aspects of the UK (/Eng-Wales) system which closely related jurisdictions in fact envy! "The UK has much greater availability of legal aid" is something I've heard plenty of commentators upon how NSW works remark upon.

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I wonder what it says about me that read The Secret River, and came away with a fascination with the history of the Hawkesbuy but no real desire to keep reading Kate Grenville until this came across my path. And I loved it, and admired it much, much more than the literary-lush narrative style she wins awards for.
This is sparse - clearly fiction, in the way it invents incidents and individual conversations and scenes for a woman whom Grenville did not know well while she was alive - but sparse, hewing close to the documented outline of her grandmother's life. At times I could actually identify the context-providing sources that she would have needed to cite, if this was a biography.
And Dolly Maunder is such a well-drawn character, while growing progressively less and less likeable as she gets older. I liked the *book* more and more the less likeable she became. The points where the narrative dwelt sympathetically on her - when, for instance, she thinks over how she and her husband have been compatible and successful business partners despite their loveless marriage, she's still not a person that *I* would like (or who would like me, at all).
It's also striking - given I then went on to read "One Life", which was written earlier than this one - how *unlikeable* Grenville's mother appears in this book, too. One sympathises with her, bounced from school to school and town to town and too aware that her mother does not love her: but it's hard to like her. In "One Life", she is likeable and Dolly is not; in "Restless Dolly Maunder" it's hard to like either of them, but one is invited to sympathise with Dolly's awareness of her own inability to bond with her daughter as much as with the daughter.

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Should this be shelved with fiction or biography? Restless Dolly Maunder is clearly fiction, but there has been fictionalising here, too - the scripting of scenes and conversations, at minimum.
The life of Isabella/Nance, who trained as a pharmacist in the years of the Great Depression - one of the few jobs, her mother was told, where a woman could keep working after marriage or even children (although, in Nance's several attempts to set up her own business, to support her family while her husband first pursued radical politics then the law, it became clear that being legally able to own and run a business did not overcome the practical barriers) - is in many ways more interesting to me than that of Dolly, but I believe I preferred Dolly's novel to this, perhaps because Restless Dolly Maunder stood just a little further over the fiction line.

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was extremely funny - little dialogue style "Me: ... Customer [Characteristic]: ..." scenes, brought to life by excellent caricatures.

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Found this in a box at home. I never ended up with a copy of So Much To Tell You but I had this.
Honestly not his greatest work - although good work on realistially and empathetically characterising an assortment of kids in inpatient psych. I'd completely forgotten there was a gay character here.
What brings it up from 3 starts to 4 is the sheer audacity of writing a Teenagers In Psych Ward novel which is also a mystery/thriller about, of all the fucking things, _insider trading_. It works though!
Backdated: The next bunch of books in my record after Detransition Baby and Stephanie Alexander’s Home are a bunch of Chaucer and/or 18th c texts, and then an eight-book re-read of Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness series and then Protector of the Small. This was, as you might guess, deep in the “this egg is now scrambled” phase. I… have a few actually load-bearing thoughts on Alana, which I ought to write up one day (in conversation with PTerry, and probably also Silence and also Butler and also fucking Pierre Bourdieu).
But I will also say that something which I struggle with - I remember turning this over and over in my head in my late teens and early twenties - is that… not only am I not like Alana, it’s a total toss-up whether Alana would like me. Kel, on the other hand? It’s pretty clear I have little in common with Kel, and I doubt she’d think I was ideal company - but I remember thinking somewhere in my late teens or early twenties “but I am, or I think I should be, someone Kel would respect”, which is a wholly different question.
Some short fiction, read at some point
Recently Added To My To-Read List:
Fiction:
Non-fiction
Wheel of Time OC: Tig
Apr. 19th, 2025 08:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Tigraine Trakand Mandragoran
Commander of the Band of the Red Hand

( call her Tig )
Please feel free to ask questions. Point out typos, I'm finishing up typing this past my bedtime. Hopefully I'll have Kam and The Fox up later this week.
Commander of the Band of the Red Hand

( call her Tig )
Please feel free to ask questions. Point out typos, I'm finishing up typing this past my bedtime. Hopefully I'll have Kam and The Fox up later this week.
Happy Saturday
Apr. 19th, 2025 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Hey folks!
Still alive, still employed! Booyah.
Not loving the job right now: it's never boring, but I had never intended to be a manager of people, and it's really quite stressful. Plus, you know, ::waves vaguely:: the omnishambles of everything is not helping.
But I did take the Tornado out for a 7-mile hike this morning, and she behaved quite well, and we just did some agility practice, and she got six weave poles in a row! Five times! So great. (If you have never seen dog agility, it looks like this, although that's one of the top dogs in the UK, and the Tornado is just beginning her agility journey.)
I call her the Tornado because she is Very. High. Energy. (And tends to knock things over.) I fear she will be one of the dogs barking all the way through the agility course.
Anyway, I'm planning some vacation time this summer, although it feels a little weird to be planning an international trip at this time. I plan to do some judicious app-deletion before coming back through Customs, because that's the world we live in right now.
Currently very excited about both Andor and Murderbot! I've already gotten a tiny bit spoiled for Andor, so I think I will have to lock down my browsing for the next few days. I understand the next Star Wars animated show (after Underworld) is also going to be about Darth Maul, and I'm kind of dubious, but maybe they can do something interesting with it. Myself, I would rather have learned more about Omega's adventures in the Rebellion.
I'm halfway through this month's book for book club, but it's heavy going: Therese Raquin, by Zola. I have liked Zola: he's very grounded, very vivid. Not at all romantic. But these characters are really very unlikeable. I may end up skimming a lot to finish by Tuesday.
***
I feel like I'm running out of plotty time-travel fixit fics in which determined heroes (and heroines) go back in time and prevent the errors of their forebearers. I suspect I have not found the right tags on AO3...
In other news, I am listening to Mind the Tags, a charming podcast about fandom, specifically fic-writing fandom. And although the hosts are quite nice, they're so young, and I found myself talking back to them as they fumbled their way through a discussion of the early days of alt.tv.x-files.creative. They tried to talk about show-specific archives and auto-archiving and never even mentioned Ephemeral and Gossamer! There are plenty of us fandom Olds still around!
(Although, how cool is it that Gossamer is still up? WTF.)
Still, it's a very friendly and upbeat podcast full of enthusiasm for fandom and fannish institutions, so I encourage y'all to give it a try if that's the sort of thing you enjoy. I found them because one of the hosts got interviewed by Anne Helen Peterson on her Culture Study podcast, which is also great.
In other other news, I lined up a group of local pals to go see our local minor league baseball team next month! So that will be fun! I like minor-league baseball because it's cheap and low-stakes and you can sit outside and drink beer and eat corn dogs and it doesn't really matter except you're there with a crowd and it's just fun. And all the seats are good.
Still alive, still employed! Booyah.
Not loving the job right now: it's never boring, but I had never intended to be a manager of people, and it's really quite stressful. Plus, you know, ::waves vaguely:: the omnishambles of everything is not helping.
But I did take the Tornado out for a 7-mile hike this morning, and she behaved quite well, and we just did some agility practice, and she got six weave poles in a row! Five times! So great. (If you have never seen dog agility, it looks like this, although that's one of the top dogs in the UK, and the Tornado is just beginning her agility journey.)
I call her the Tornado because she is Very. High. Energy. (And tends to knock things over.) I fear she will be one of the dogs barking all the way through the agility course.
Anyway, I'm planning some vacation time this summer, although it feels a little weird to be planning an international trip at this time. I plan to do some judicious app-deletion before coming back through Customs, because that's the world we live in right now.
Currently very excited about both Andor and Murderbot! I've already gotten a tiny bit spoiled for Andor, so I think I will have to lock down my browsing for the next few days. I understand the next Star Wars animated show (after Underworld) is also going to be about Darth Maul, and I'm kind of dubious, but maybe they can do something interesting with it. Myself, I would rather have learned more about Omega's adventures in the Rebellion.
I'm halfway through this month's book for book club, but it's heavy going: Therese Raquin, by Zola. I have liked Zola: he's very grounded, very vivid. Not at all romantic. But these characters are really very unlikeable. I may end up skimming a lot to finish by Tuesday.
***
I feel like I'm running out of plotty time-travel fixit fics in which determined heroes (and heroines) go back in time and prevent the errors of their forebearers. I suspect I have not found the right tags on AO3...
In other news, I am listening to Mind the Tags, a charming podcast about fandom, specifically fic-writing fandom. And although the hosts are quite nice, they're so young, and I found myself talking back to them as they fumbled their way through a discussion of the early days of alt.tv.x-files.creative. They tried to talk about show-specific archives and auto-archiving and never even mentioned Ephemeral and Gossamer! There are plenty of us fandom Olds still around!
(Although, how cool is it that Gossamer is still up? WTF.)
Still, it's a very friendly and upbeat podcast full of enthusiasm for fandom and fannish institutions, so I encourage y'all to give it a try if that's the sort of thing you enjoy. I found them because one of the hosts got interviewed by Anne Helen Peterson on her Culture Study podcast, which is also great.
In other other news, I lined up a group of local pals to go see our local minor league baseball team next month! So that will be fun! I like minor-league baseball because it's cheap and low-stakes and you can sit outside and drink beer and eat corn dogs and it doesn't really matter except you're there with a crowd and it's just fun. And all the seats are good.
the indivisible wave of your body
Apr. 19th, 2025 05:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I made these confetti cookies from Smitten Kitchen this afternoon (pic), but unfortunately, they are way too sweet for me. They are really easy to put together though, especially with the food processor, since you don't need to soften the butter and cream cheese before you get started, and there's no need to chill them before baking.
In other news, I watched the 3 available episodes of season 3 of Leverage: Redemption and enjoyed them, though there was some cognitive dissonance in seeing Noah Wyle as Harry Wilson after 15 intense episodes of The Pitt. Aldis Hodge gets more handsome every time I see him, and the gloves have come off in terms of the writing - they are not even playing anymore about how stuff that is legal still isn't right. Plus, there have been some fun guest stars: ( casting spoilers ) I look forward to the rest of the season!
***
I haven't posted any Neruda in a while, so here's today's poem:
Sonnet XLVI
Of all the stars I admired, drenched
in various rivers and mists,
I chose only the one I love.
Since then I sleep with the night.
Of all the waves, one wave and another wave,
green sea, green chill, branchings of green,
I chose only the one wave,
the indivisible wave of your body.
All the waterdrops, all the roots,
all the threads of light gathered to me here;
they came to me sooner or later.
I wanted your hair, all for myself.
From all the graces my homeland offered
I chose only your savage heart.
-Pablo Neruda
(Trans. ???)
***
In other news, I watched the 3 available episodes of season 3 of Leverage: Redemption and enjoyed them, though there was some cognitive dissonance in seeing Noah Wyle as Harry Wilson after 15 intense episodes of The Pitt. Aldis Hodge gets more handsome every time I see him, and the gloves have come off in terms of the writing - they are not even playing anymore about how stuff that is legal still isn't right. Plus, there have been some fun guest stars: ( casting spoilers ) I look forward to the rest of the season!
***
I haven't posted any Neruda in a while, so here's today's poem:
Sonnet XLVI
Of all the stars I admired, drenched
in various rivers and mists,
I chose only the one I love.
Since then I sleep with the night.
Of all the waves, one wave and another wave,
green sea, green chill, branchings of green,
I chose only the one wave,
the indivisible wave of your body.
All the waterdrops, all the roots,
all the threads of light gathered to me here;
they came to me sooner or later.
I wanted your hair, all for myself.
From all the graces my homeland offered
I chose only your savage heart.
-Pablo Neruda
(Trans. ???)
***
the shape of wind against a sheet
Apr. 18th, 2025 09:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I decided to make the King Arthur pretzel rolls again today (well, half the recipe to make 4 hero-shaped buns) - they only require a first rise of 1 hour and a second of 15 minutes so I could start them at 3 pm and be eating by 5:30. I proofed the dough in this nice bowl I have that has its own lid, and I did it in the unheated oven with the oven light on (I've never done it like that before but I've seen it recommended a few places), and about 50 minutes in, there was a loud popping sound, and it turned out that the carbon dioxide produced by the rising dough popped the lid right off! That had never happened to me before! I figured if that was happening, the dough was proved and it was. They turned out delicious. Definitely recommended.
Here's today's poem:
Singe
I read the tops of the poems, ten or twenty lines down.
In the beginning of the book, a man is leaving his wife
for a lover. By the end, the lover is tired of the man, who wonders
if he made a mistake. The book has the quality of a diary,
the beginnings of poems imply the ends of other poems, other days,
this is a man to know in the morning.
It's raining here, where the book lives for now, and the mood
of fog fits the sadness of the book, I hold it out the window,
bring it back and dry it off with my shirt.
I know a woman who knows the poet. I call her and ask
which tops of poems are true. She wants to know why I don't
finish the poems. I tell her I dreamed last night
I work inside a steam shovel, that the tops of the poems
are my sky, my white clouds. It's impossible to talk
to just one poet, and I'll feel the ears
of people I don't know floating behind me for a week.
There are two children in the book. They must be in college by now,
married or incapable of marriage. I believe the poet was honest
about their names, I consider finding and e-mailing them,
asking if they felt betrayed or like rock stars, some other kind
of celebrity, I suddenly want to know if they play tennis
or like Pop Tarts, if either drove up to see their father
and threw the book at his head, the stab marks on the cover
making him break down and apologize for the hurt, not the poems.
Calvino had an idea for a book that appeared to have been pulled
from a fire. What wasn't there would be as much of the story
as the little bells, the indentations of eye teeth in a pencil,
the shape of wind against a sheet. The bottom of this book
is on fire, is where the lies have fallen, where someone
tells someone they were never loved, where a body is rhapsodized
as the font of renewal, and eight pages later, deplored as snare.
I devise solace for the book: we should count birds, I tell it,
should ride a horse, you and I. Some other time I'll read
the bottom only, read this life and turn each page
with both hands, carry the words in the basket of my flesh,
carry them over, carry them safe, some other time, nor was it ever
too late.
—Bob Hicok
***
Here's today's poem:
Singe
I read the tops of the poems, ten or twenty lines down.
In the beginning of the book, a man is leaving his wife
for a lover. By the end, the lover is tired of the man, who wonders
if he made a mistake. The book has the quality of a diary,
the beginnings of poems imply the ends of other poems, other days,
this is a man to know in the morning.
It's raining here, where the book lives for now, and the mood
of fog fits the sadness of the book, I hold it out the window,
bring it back and dry it off with my shirt.
I know a woman who knows the poet. I call her and ask
which tops of poems are true. She wants to know why I don't
finish the poems. I tell her I dreamed last night
I work inside a steam shovel, that the tops of the poems
are my sky, my white clouds. It's impossible to talk
to just one poet, and I'll feel the ears
of people I don't know floating behind me for a week.
There are two children in the book. They must be in college by now,
married or incapable of marriage. I believe the poet was honest
about their names, I consider finding and e-mailing them,
asking if they felt betrayed or like rock stars, some other kind
of celebrity, I suddenly want to know if they play tennis
or like Pop Tarts, if either drove up to see their father
and threw the book at his head, the stab marks on the cover
making him break down and apologize for the hurt, not the poems.
Calvino had an idea for a book that appeared to have been pulled
from a fire. What wasn't there would be as much of the story
as the little bells, the indentations of eye teeth in a pencil,
the shape of wind against a sheet. The bottom of this book
is on fire, is where the lies have fallen, where someone
tells someone they were never loved, where a body is rhapsodized
as the font of renewal, and eight pages later, deplored as snare.
I devise solace for the book: we should count birds, I tell it,
should ride a horse, you and I. Some other time I'll read
the bottom only, read this life and turn each page
with both hands, carry the words in the basket of my flesh,
carry them over, carry them safe, some other time, nor was it ever
too late.
—Bob Hicok
***
the patience that has lived so long in this body
Apr. 17th, 2025 06:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Today's poem:
The Game
by Lorna Crozier
So many conversations between
the tall grass and the wind.
A child hides in that sound,
hunched small
as a rabbit, knees tucked
to her chest, head on her knees,
yet she's not asleep.
She is waiting with a patience
I had long forgotten,
hair wild with grass seeds,
skin silvery with dust.
It was my brother's game.
He was the one who counted,
and I, seven years younger,
the one who hid.
When I ran from the yard,
he found his gang of friends
and played kick-the-can
or caught soft spotted frogs
at the creek so summer-slow.
As darkness fell,
from the kitchen door
someone always called my name.
He was there before me
at the supper table;
milk in his glass
and along his upper lip
glowing like moonlight.
You're so good at that, he'd say,
I couldn't find you.
Now I wade through
hip-high bearded grass
to where she sits so still,
lay my larger hand
upon her shoulder.
Above the wind I say,
You're it,
then kneel beside her
and with the patience
that has lived so long in this body,
clean the dirt from her nose and mouth,
separate the golden speargrass from her hair.
*
The Game
by Lorna Crozier
So many conversations between
the tall grass and the wind.
A child hides in that sound,
hunched small
as a rabbit, knees tucked
to her chest, head on her knees,
yet she's not asleep.
She is waiting with a patience
I had long forgotten,
hair wild with grass seeds,
skin silvery with dust.
It was my brother's game.
He was the one who counted,
and I, seven years younger,
the one who hid.
When I ran from the yard,
he found his gang of friends
and played kick-the-can
or caught soft spotted frogs
at the creek so summer-slow.
As darkness fell,
from the kitchen door
someone always called my name.
He was there before me
at the supper table;
milk in his glass
and along his upper lip
glowing like moonlight.
You're so good at that, he'd say,
I couldn't find you.
Now I wade through
hip-high bearded grass
to where she sits so still,
lay my larger hand
upon her shoulder.
Above the wind I say,
You're it,
then kneel beside her
and with the patience
that has lived so long in this body,
clean the dirt from her nose and mouth,
separate the golden speargrass from her hair.
*
The one downside to warm weather and open windows
Apr. 17th, 2025 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
AUGH THE FLEAS THE WRETCHED FLEAS STARTED EARLY
(Also wow this year has been bad already, we haven't had a year this bad in A WHILE)