Peta as in Peta Wilson, only not as in the actress

Okay, I should, uh, note that there is a snippet of girl!Peter/Caspian here.

Of course, I would never write genderswapped Narnia. Don't be ridiculous. The above snippet of fic is a hallucination, and does not actually exist. OBVIOUSLY.

I really need to stop bringing up examples of things I won't do and then start, uh, making examples out of them. (Wild West AU, anyone?)

*facepalm*

I want to write girl!Peter/Caspian a really ridiculous amount. (The last time I wanted to write het this much, I ended up writing Into the Woods Baker/Cinderella fic. The time before that it was Beauty and the Beast Lumiere/Belle.) I don't even know why.

Well, okay, some of it would be the dialogue.

Scenario: There has been a minor cave-in in the How. Caspian and Peta are trapped in a cave for several hours. Peta's claustrophobia kicks in, and Caspian keeps her calm. Near the tail-end of this they start making out. Then Edmund and the rescue team break through.
Edmund: You know, we can come back later, if you're busy.
Peta: No, now is good. Now is excellent. *clambers out*
Caspian: *follows, a little disappointed*
Peta: *turns around and grabs the collar of Caspian's shirt* And you can come with me. *drags him down the tunnel to her room.*
Caspian: *grins like an idiot*
Edmund: Well, shit.

Caspian: I hope you're not offended that I, ah, took advantage of your sister...
Edmund: *hysterical laughter*

Peta: What do you mean, you asked Edmund? So long as he's not in my bed, he doesn't get a vote in who is.
Caspian: *chokes*

Caspian: *suffering from dreams of conjugal bliss* Marry me.
Peta: *hits him* Do you want to die a horrible messy death?
Caspian: What?
Peta: I'm going to assume history has forgotten how many of my fiances died instead of assuming you have a death wish.
Caspian: Maybe you just never met the right one?
Peta: Do you really want to bet your life on that?
Caspian: *grins wildly*
Peta: What? WHAT?
Caspian: You care.
Peta: I most certainly do not!
Caspian: You really care!
Peta: I --
Caspian: *kisses her*

Susan: I'm worried about Peta. She just seems --
Edmund: I really don't want to say this, but --
Susan: -- like she's not all here. I think Narnia's getting to her.
Edmund: She's like that every time she's having really great sex.
Susan and Lucy: ...
Edmmund: I said I didn't want say it.

Guys, I am SO ASHAMED. This is, like, the height of fantasy romance. All we're missing is a knight on a white horse, and that's only because Caspian's horse is black and the unicorn from LWW tragically died. Although I'm not sure a unicorn is what's really needed here...