well, that happened
Mar. 4th, 2014 05:22 pmSo if you've been around here a while, you may know that I am afraid of birds. Terrified of birds. Because birds! are! evil! (I can eat chicken, but I occasionally go through periods where I remember that chickens are birds and can't eat it for a few weeks. I definitely can't eat any bird smaller than a chicken, or any part of a chicken (or turkey) that actually looks like a bird -- I can't eat wings, and even looking at pictures makes me a little queasy.)
So I went to my French tutorial this morning (I am terrible at French and probably getting worse, but whatever, I like Sarah and otherwise I never leave my house), then drove back. Now, my house has about four different doors, but the main one is the back door, which is accessible through the mudroom. It snowed a couple of days ago but has been melting ever since, so the roof was dripping frantically. I sort of dove into the mudroom without looking to see if there was anything in it, because, you know, I didn't expect there to be anything there except maybe my cat, but he usually isn't in there at this time of day.
Obviously there was something in there.
I dive through the door, there's a frantic squawk and sound of flapping, I scream and dive back out, the bird that's been eating the cat food flies into the house door and knocks itself out, and I have a quiet panic attack and go to check if any of the other doors to the house are unlocked or if my house key works for them. Obviously neither of these were true. The cat, when he emerged, wasn't willing to go into the mudroom and scare the bird out either, because seriously, when does a cat ever do what you want it to do? I went back to the mudroom to check if the bird was still there -- and at this point I was almost on the verge of tears, hyperventilating mildly, and shaking, because birds terrify me -- got far enough into the mudroom to see that it was apparently passed out on the doorstep, and fled back to the car to take stock of my options, which basically came down to: Go into town and hope the bird wakes up and wanders off while I'm there or go see if one of my parents has a key to one of the other doors. (I don't have any friends that I can call and beg to get the bird away.) Like, stepping over the bird or getting it out of the mudroom with the snow shovel was never an option because then I would have had to go within ten feet of it. I've stepped on live snakes before and been less freaked out than by having a sparrow within ten feet of me. Ask![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aella_irene sometime about the swans in Cambridge or any pigeon I've ever encountered.
I ended up going into town and killing time at Goodwill and Fred Meyer, where the only reason I didn't buy booze was because I was already getting chocolate and pads and adding hard cider to that mix was too much of a cliche for me. That took up about two and a half hours, and if the bird hadn't been gone by then, I was going to call my dad and tell him to come straight home as soon as he finished his class, then go to my mom's restaurant, since by this point I was starving, since I'd only had an English muffin before going to French. And I had a headache and was severely under-caffeinated, since I hadn't had time to have any tea before I ran off to French.
But by the time I got back, the bird was gone and I could get in the house.
Like, I know it sounds silly, and my dad thought it was hilarious when I told him about it after he got home, but my dad thinks the fact I'm terrified of birds is stupid (at least my mom's phobia of snakes makes sense, according to him). But I almost had a panic attack over it, and the only way it could have gone worse was if the bird had actually tried to attack me on its way out of the mudroom, and then I probably would have had a heart attack and definitely would have had a panic attack. Except now I'm not actually positive the bird was stunned on the doorstep, but I was not getting any closer to check for sure.
WHAT A GREAT MARDI GRAS. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO MAKE MY KING CAKE BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET IN THE HOUSE.
So I went to my French tutorial this morning (I am terrible at French and probably getting worse, but whatever, I like Sarah and otherwise I never leave my house), then drove back. Now, my house has about four different doors, but the main one is the back door, which is accessible through the mudroom. It snowed a couple of days ago but has been melting ever since, so the roof was dripping frantically. I sort of dove into the mudroom without looking to see if there was anything in it, because, you know, I didn't expect there to be anything there except maybe my cat, but he usually isn't in there at this time of day.
Obviously there was something in there.
I dive through the door, there's a frantic squawk and sound of flapping, I scream and dive back out, the bird that's been eating the cat food flies into the house door and knocks itself out, and I have a quiet panic attack and go to check if any of the other doors to the house are unlocked or if my house key works for them. Obviously neither of these were true. The cat, when he emerged, wasn't willing to go into the mudroom and scare the bird out either, because seriously, when does a cat ever do what you want it to do? I went back to the mudroom to check if the bird was still there -- and at this point I was almost on the verge of tears, hyperventilating mildly, and shaking, because birds terrify me -- got far enough into the mudroom to see that it was apparently passed out on the doorstep, and fled back to the car to take stock of my options, which basically came down to: Go into town and hope the bird wakes up and wanders off while I'm there or go see if one of my parents has a key to one of the other doors. (I don't have any friends that I can call and beg to get the bird away.) Like, stepping over the bird or getting it out of the mudroom with the snow shovel was never an option because then I would have had to go within ten feet of it. I've stepped on live snakes before and been less freaked out than by having a sparrow within ten feet of me. Ask
aella_irene sometime about the swans in Cambridge or any pigeon I've ever encountered.I ended up going into town and killing time at Goodwill and Fred Meyer, where the only reason I didn't buy booze was because I was already getting chocolate and pads and adding hard cider to that mix was too much of a cliche for me. That took up about two and a half hours, and if the bird hadn't been gone by then, I was going to call my dad and tell him to come straight home as soon as he finished his class, then go to my mom's restaurant, since by this point I was starving, since I'd only had an English muffin before going to French. And I had a headache and was severely under-caffeinated, since I hadn't had time to have any tea before I ran off to French.
But by the time I got back, the bird was gone and I could get in the house.
Like, I know it sounds silly, and my dad thought it was hilarious when I told him about it after he got home, but my dad thinks the fact I'm terrified of birds is stupid (at least my mom's phobia of snakes makes sense, according to him). But I almost had a panic attack over it, and the only way it could have gone worse was if the bird had actually tried to attack me on its way out of the mudroom, and then I probably would have had a heart attack and definitely would have had a panic attack. Except now I'm not actually positive the bird was stunned on the doorstep, but I was not getting any closer to check for sure.
WHAT A GREAT MARDI GRAS. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO MAKE MY KING CAKE BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET IN THE HOUSE.