(no subject)

I think what is upsetting me the most about the current furnace situation (no, I still don't have heat) isn't so much the furnace itself; it's not even the fact that it made my anxiety jump to new, astronomical levels because of the hypervigilance (which ends up extending to every aspect of my life) or that I have to keep rearranging my life to be here when the repairman comes (which is usually a VERY wide window), it's the absolute crippling shame that I'm letting it affect me at all. I should be able to just shrug it off as a minor inconvenience instead of letting it shape my life right now and I shouldn't be letting it leak into everything else going on, which is EVERYTHING. I've been able at the moment to stay more or less on schedule for anything that needs to be done within the next few days, so I haven't fallen behind with my class, but dissertation prep, writing, basic functionality as a human -- not so much.

This same thing happened this past summer, with the handyman/electrician situation, and then in the fall, when the AC went and the internet went and then the fridge died and then the pipe started leaking under the house. Shame is usually not one of my bad emotions, but...it is right now.

(And I have, for the record, been told flatout by my advisor that I shouldn't be letting any of this affect me.)