WHAT. (clearly i have *lost my friggin' mind*)

[bedlamsbard]

Okay, this was supposed to be the Greco-Persian Wars, not the Iraq War. Or downtown Los Angeles.

I have security checkpoints. The next thing we know there's going to be a suicide phoenix or a drive-by minotaur axeing. I FEAR FOR NARNIA, GUYS. Back to the woods! Back to the woods!

As if the ghettoes of Cair Paravel weren't enough already.

ALSO. The Great River is now some weird combination of the Mississippi and the Thames. I am installing riverboats. PERHAPS CAIR PARAVEL WILL IMITATE NEW ORLEANS SOME MORE and the riverboats will be home to the casinos gaming houses. Actually, I like this option.

...does anyone get the idea that Cair Paravel would have been a helluva lot more wholesome if I'd gone to Wellesley instead of Tulane?

I mean, for one thing, I probably wouldn't be wondering if the architecture in certain neighborhoods of Cair Paravel could imitate the architecture in the French Quarter.

Seriously, I'm kindly telling myself that we can't have a suicide phoenix because they're extinct. And it's a good thing we don't have civilized griffins or hippogriffs because we'd be getting flybys over the bad neighborhoods of Cair Paravel.

I was not expecting all the Iraq War military memoirs I read to come out in Dust. *facepalm ad infitum* I haven't even read any recently! Most of what I've been reading has been, well, ancient Greece. I have a stack of history books on my bookshelves about medieval and ancient warfare, as well as pirates and some navy stuff! I mean, granted, some of the stuff about Cair Paravel -- the bits that didn't come from New Orleans -- came from Scott Lynch's Camorr and Tal Verrar (REALLY? asks the crowd?), and I have this feeling that some of ancient Athens is going to sneak in (possibly because of what happened to Athens in the Greco-Persian Wars), but now Cair Paravel also has elements of London, modern Baghdad (there is not a Red Zone and a Green Zone. YET), and Los Angeles.

I DIE, KIDS. I DIE. Also, I blame lassiterfics for some of it. *cough*theghettoes*cough*

And you said putting gunpowder in would be bad. At least it was still medieval then.

Comments

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

GREEK FIRE, BABY! GO FOR IT!


I am longing for *someone* to use all that stuff inept and I came up with about the griffin squads and aerial combat, damn it.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Oh, we are totally getting Greek fire, we're just not getting it any time soon.

Dude, if this was Golden Age, it would totally be getting used, but this is Calormene-ruled Narnia; there are no civilized griffins, at least not till the Red Company aerial wings arrive.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

When you say civilized, do you mean Talking Griffins, who live as Narnians citizens? Because that doesn't mean there's not still wild griffins, perhaps devolved offspring who are smart but forgot how to talk.

Aerial cavalry to the rescue? :)

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

How up-to-date are you on Dust? Because we talk about this in Dust 5 and 6.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

I skimmed them but didn't absorb much info-I was too busy writhing with extreme fucking PAIN in my uterus. Fuckin' fibroids and whatever the hell else is in there. *has issues*

yes, I realize that's tmi. Sorry. (*laughs*)

Between what you write in fics and what we talk about all the time, I'm rarely certain what's really real and what's spec. \o/

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

*sends hugs*

It comes up in Dust 5 and 6 -- there are no civilized griffins, hippogriffs, etc., in Telmarine-Calormene Narnia, and there haven't been for a long time. There are wild ones living in the outer parts of the country, but they've long since forgotten how to speak, although there's a pretty good chance they could relearn if taught young.

Except that the Red Company does still have civilized griffins and hippogriffs, and those are ones who are trained and ready for war...

[almostinstinct.livejournal.com]

The next thing we know there's going to be a suicide phoenix or a drive-by minotaur axeing

I loled irl. :p

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

We are all victims of our time. *facepalm* I got as far as The big wood-and-metal gates, fancifully decorated with renderings of Caspian’s Rebellion and the rebuilding of Cair Paravel, stand open now, wide enough for two wagons to pass through, and there are Calormenes on either side of the road, some of them going through the wagons and carts trying to enter or leave the city while others stand by with loaded crossbows in their hands, watching warily before I stopped and went, "OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL AM I WRITING."

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

Bedlam-could they put loose crap, like metal bits, sharp stones, etc, in a contraption similar to a catapult and fling it at the enemy? Imagine getting hit with *that*, with the force of a...trebochet? Is that the word? With *that* strenght behind it!

Miniaturized crossbows, poison blow darts (you'd have to be close and willing to die, but they'd work!), and, one of my favorites...punjee traps! Sabotage, yay!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Sure, but that's not the sneakiest attack ever.

...oh my god, no, Bedlam, no, we are not going to get chemical warfare a la smallpox-infected blankets or something similar. WE SAID NO TO THE DISEASES ALREADY.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

It would be hard to quickly do significant damage via disease, anyway, since you can't guarantee how many people would catch it...or if there even *are* those kind of diseases on this plane. Can the Talking Animals and other inhuman Narnians even catch those illnesses, and do they have their own type of things that humans can/can't catch? Some diseases *are* communicable between mammals (witness the devastating influenza pandemic of 1918).

I think if they were going to try something like that, it would be via...oh, ergot, which *would* be controllable and easily introduced into the food sources (if it wasn't there already!). Mushrooms and other natural hallucinogens-you don't want your guardsmen high or your soldiers seeing things during battle, do you, from delayed doses in the water supply? :)

Sulfur, natural acids...and remember all that talk about poisons we were doing? Edmund immunizing himself and Peter (without his
knowledge,heh), etc etc.

Oh, I just had the thought-what if the town around Cair Parvel was riddled with traps, like in an Indiana Jones tomb (spikes in walls, arrows set to fire,etc) and somebody led a chase through the alleyways, picking off pursuers one at a time...it's been a long time since he's been there, so he's not sure if the traps will still work or not-they could have been triggered over time by accident, or stuck from age, etc...but if even a few work, then it increases his chances of escape...*dreams on*

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Oooh, poison in the water supply. *dreamy eyes* Must put that on the list of things to go into Dust. (Seriously, you don't want to know what else is on that list. Torture, organized crime, drugs, acupuncture...)

This is, in no uncertain terms, not the Cair Paravel of the Golden Age. It's not even built on the ruins of the Cair Paravel of the Golden Age; those are on an island.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

And screw sneaky, I want DAMAGE. It's SHRAPNEL. :)

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

Oh-I meant to say-of course you'd have security checkpoints! Most societies did/do, even if they didn't call them that, per se. That's why there were usually guards at bridges, both to collect the tolls and to eye the travellers up and stop or tattle on anyone who looked like trouble, etc. Realism, ftw!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know, but just the way I wrote it is so, well, NOW, at least ot my brain.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

I have security checkpoints. The next thing we know there's going to be a suicide phoenix or a drive-by minotaur axeing. I FEAR FOR NARNIA, GUYS. Back to the woods! Back to the woods!

I love you :D

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

I hate myself. *laughs* It's a good thing we're not getting gunpowder, or we would have suicide bombers in Narnia.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

I told you: you make your own dystopia as you go!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

I HAVE GHETTOES IN CAIR PARAVEL. I mean, look at this (http://bedlamsbard.livejournal.com/343572.html?thread=2812948#t2812948)! We're not just getting the colonialism angst we have in the first six parts of Dust, now we're getting urbanization angst as well.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

*pats you* This whole living in a city thing is affecting your writing, huh?

[lassiterfics.livejournal.com]

IN WHICH I RESIST MAKING 'GHETTO FABULOUS' JOKES.

Drive-by crossbowings and gambling riverboats of win! Are there graffiti and turf wars? Muggings! Are there GANG SIGNS? North siiiiiide. And someone tries to pick Eustace's pockets except Peter grabs her wrist in the act and raises an eyebrow at her like, "Bitch, please."

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

*blinks* I see your capital letters have returned.

Yeeeeeessssss. *resists the urge to put one of those scenes in where they run all over the cities chasing orphans tossing their precious trade goods from one to the other*

Oh, god, gangs. *blanches* The old established crime lords from the riverside within the city and the new gangs from the north side, argh. *facepalm* Why, Narnia, why? Are you seriously making me compile all the research I've ever done over the PAST FIVE YEARS? (Mafia! Military! World-building!)

[lassiterfics.livejournal.com]

ya i don't know, it started with replying to comments for the calormen fic but then it stuck around, and now that you have mentioned i will self-consciously revert back to lowercasing. MMMHMMM.

AHAHAHA. and when they finally catch up with the orphan and grab him, the orphan's like D-: and a voice behind them says, "drop him." and it is like, a Key Mafia Character. plot/exposition happens.

one of the gangs: a gypsy gang?? some gangs: have their own vaguely decipherable pidgin, and almost understandable slang?? (FEEL FREE TO BE INSPIRED BY CREOLE.)

ps: for forms of ULTIMATE BADASSERY, check out the yakuza. quoth wikipedia: "When yakuza members play Oicho-Kabu cards with each other, they often remove their shirts or open them up and drape them around their waists. This allows them to display their full-body tattoos to each other. This is one of the few times that yakuza members display their tattoos to others, as they normally keep them concealed in public with long-sleeved and high-necked shirts."

OMG. when peter takes off his shirt, there are no tattoos, but a geography of scars. the bosses exchange subtle glances -- this one won't go down easy.

OMG YAKUZA

yakuzaaaaaaaaaaaa

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

*hums*

oh, this is going to go so hilariously. in, like, a badass sort of way. (as soon as tirian stops going, "oh, i'm home," which, okay, yes, but soon he will see that cair paravel has...not actually changed that much under the calormenes, because do the lower folk really care all that much about who's sitting up in the castle. OR HAS IT?)

NOW THAT THEY'VE PASSED THROUGH SECURITY AND HAD THEIR BAGS CHECKED BY CUSTOMS THE CALORMENE ARMY AND THE NARNIAN DRUG-SNIFFING DOG -- no, i'm, um, i'm not kidding. *facpalms mightily*

i should end this chapter before they have to, like, take off their shoes and surrender all liquids or something. although. they are already at the inn (WHERE VESPASIAN USED TO DO BUSINESS WITH PIRATES), so there are good chances that won't happen? UNLESS THE CALORMENES DO RANDOM INSPECTIONS.

oh, babydoll, what have you just written? *facepalms some more*

must determine the different gangs. i am weighing the chances i shall have to make a map of cair paravel. (right now -- perhaps not. perhaps so. i am not optimistic.) because of course you've got the gangs that rule the river trade (and have the riverboat casinos! this is the time peter gets roofied. coming up soon!) and then there are going to be the street gangs in the ghettoes, and perhaps there shall be a capo di tutti capi. how many people do i want peter to deal with? and we haven't even gotten into the pirates yet.

this is so self-indulgent, ohmygod. i thought the most self-indulgent thing i'd ever written was when i got edmund shot back in dust 1, but NO. NO NOW I HAVE CAIR PARAVEL, CITY OF SIN.

[lassiterfics.livejournal.com]

omg i think i have written an excuse to revisit topless peter, and to wax poetic about the design and significance of marks on the bodies of intimidating men. peter smokes a cigarette and the smoke trickles casually out of his mouth when he orders another drink and throws a pair of coins at the middle of the table.

DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS TELL ME ABOUT DRUGS YAY DRUGS