*squints*

[bedlamsbard]

Some I'm going through my draft of "Till Human Voices Wake Us", because I'd really like to finish it before the year ends and I haven't looked at it in an age (mostly because it has serious structural problems, god, shoot me), and just cosmetically, aside from one weird tense shift somewhere in the middle, the biggest (cosmetic, let me make this extremely clear, because there are a million problems with this) problem is whether Peter is in armor or leathers.

If I remember correctly, I'd just begun to change it from armor to leathers the last time I looked at this, and now I think I want him in armor. Except now I have to make sure the various parts of his armor line up. *sigh* I think he's not actually in full armor like he is in LWW or PC; I think he's more likely wearing something similar to what Edmund is wearing in PC. Except with a little more filigree, of course.

Look, he's marching around in a cave for god knows how many miles; he's not going to wear full armor. But he also doesn't know what he's fighting; he's not going to trust himself to leathers.

What else do I have to do? Take out one of the subplots I'd started writing in; this doesn't need that particular subplot at this moment in time and it's extraneous and unnecessary. Figure out what the emotional plot is. Figure out how to work the other POVs in because right now the majority of what I have is Peter-in-the-caves, and I want Edmund-burning-out-the-caverns and whatever it is Susan and Lucy are doing. It's not that I have an opposition to a single POV, because, hello, have you met me? It's that it's an ensemble story.

(I also have this terrible fear that Peter-in-the-caves is what should be dropped and that I should write the story around the absence of Peter, and that not knowing is worse than knowing. But I really like the Peter POV! And you know how I am with writing action.)

The other major problem is the timeline. This feels like it should take place before "In a Dry Month." The only problem is that I don't see how it can, even putting aside the factor of there being characters alive in "In a Dry Month" that are killed off in Voices. (This is not the only issue, by the way.) There are issues with the Peter character growth between Month and Voices.

*scowls* WHY. WON'T. YOU. JUST. WORK. GODDAMNIT.

Comments

[lassiterfics.livejournal.com]

i don't know about those other things, but as for the timeline, dude make it AU

you are a master of fic continuity! don't let fic continuity be a master over you!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

no, no, the main problem with the continuity is that from peter's pov, voices feels like it takes place early than month, because in month he's all snappy and "i know exactly what to do" and then narnia kicks ass seven ways from sunday. whereas in voices he just feels much younger and confused and just -- less sure of himself.

but that may be because it's from his pov, i don't know.

alternatively, he could get overconfident because his plan in month works out so damn well that he goes ahead with the slightly idiotic plan in voices; i'm just not sure that's made clear in any recognizable way.

it's just, you know, bothering me.

[ghostrunner7.livejournal.com]

I hear what you're saying, and I feel like "the abscence of Peter would be the better story, but I'm one of those people who just wants to hear about and wallow in what Peter's doing and how tough and hot and messed up he is. Keep that up, please.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

I have about 6500 words of Peter-in-the-caves and another 4K of Pevensies outside, and to be fair, the Peter story is the more riveting account -- but it's not really a story. *stabbity*

[janebethcat.livejournal.com]

Vague thought - could you take Peter's POV out and put it at the end or separately where he has to relive it or relate it to Edmund or something because he knows he got it wrong and has to work out how and why.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

The original draft, as it stands right now, is Lucy present-tense POV with Peter and Edmund flashback POV; the majority of it is Peter inside, though damned if I know how he's telling it, because he's unconscious when Lucy shows up.

One option would be to do what I did in Constellated and tell the same story from several different POVs, but -- after Constellated, that's not really at the top of "best options ever" list.