hate school so much right now
Feb. 28th, 2010 07:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bedlamsbardBecause yesterday was a clear example of me telling myself to do many things and then doing none of them, I made a to-do list today, which actually worked quite well -- there are four things left on it that I haven't done. All of them are for class.
Three of them are for the same class.
My attitude towards this class is seriously weird, guys, I don't know. Like, I enjoy the class, I really like the material, I like the professor, he's very exciting, but -- I don't feel like we're really engaging? Like, the professor has been teaching here for thirty plus years, he had the father of one of the kids in my class, and his attitude is very flippant? And it's a lecture, and I always forget to do the reading, because we don't need it in the class, and then -- okay, so we have four papers/discussion sessions throughout the semester, and we have to do two of them. He suggests one before the midterm (next Monday) and one afterwars, but then threw out the fact that we could just do the two after the midterm, although he doesn't recommend it. And the timing for the discussion questions is just terrible for me, you have no idea. The first one was the day after I had another paper due, the second one is this Friday (I have a paper due Thursday and a midterm on Friday), and the third and fourth ones are -- I haven't looked that far ahead yet. Anyway, it mostly means that the paper is the absolute last thing on my mind for the week preceding, which is a bad thing when it's a research paper. And I haven't done the mandatory reading for the class. (Also, one of the books for this week is out of print, and so he put it up on Blackboard, online, and -- I hate reading things on PDF. Which doesn't help much when your computer likes to fail...)
What's funny is that the last paper, I didn't do despite the fact I'd done the outside reading for it, I just...agh, the prompts are so vague and yet so precise, and I just feel completely unqualified to write five pages on the subject, and this time I haven't done either the outside reading or the mandatory reading, and I don't want to do both papers after the midterm because the timing will probably also be horrible and I also want to take the professor for two classes next semester and don't want to make a bad impression, but -- I don't want to write this paper. And I don't care. Like, I don't engage with this class at all, and...it's just so weird.
I mean, some of it might be because the class takes place in a classroom that's much more typically a lecture hall than any of my other classes -- theatre-type seats with the desk that comes up out of the arm, on bleachered steps (um, pretend that makes sense), and most of my classes are in a regular classroom. And it's larger than most of my classes, I think, probably closer to thirty people (or more) than twenty (look, I go to a small university) -- and it's a lecture, not a seminar, but all of my classes are lectures. Most of them are smaller, but -- *shakes head* It's just so weird. I do not understand, at all.
Also, I have a midterm for this class next Monday. *sigh* I keep telling myself I am going to start this paper early early, and then I don't, and I'm left scrambling the week of, and I have other papers, and I just don't care -- anyway, should I do this paper or wait and do the next two? I have to do my Spenser paper, and I have two midterms this week, and I have to read all of King John by Thursday -- or maybe Tuesday -- for a different class, and I need to start my public service, and I completely forgot that I am now going to have cramps for the next couple days, and thus be completely unwilling to do anything --
At least the Olympics will be over, and thus it will be easier for me to concentrate in the evenings.
Three of them are for the same class.
My attitude towards this class is seriously weird, guys, I don't know. Like, I enjoy the class, I really like the material, I like the professor, he's very exciting, but -- I don't feel like we're really engaging? Like, the professor has been teaching here for thirty plus years, he had the father of one of the kids in my class, and his attitude is very flippant? And it's a lecture, and I always forget to do the reading, because we don't need it in the class, and then -- okay, so we have four papers/discussion sessions throughout the semester, and we have to do two of them. He suggests one before the midterm (next Monday) and one afterwars, but then threw out the fact that we could just do the two after the midterm, although he doesn't recommend it. And the timing for the discussion questions is just terrible for me, you have no idea. The first one was the day after I had another paper due, the second one is this Friday (I have a paper due Thursday and a midterm on Friday), and the third and fourth ones are -- I haven't looked that far ahead yet. Anyway, it mostly means that the paper is the absolute last thing on my mind for the week preceding, which is a bad thing when it's a research paper. And I haven't done the mandatory reading for the class. (Also, one of the books for this week is out of print, and so he put it up on Blackboard, online, and -- I hate reading things on PDF. Which doesn't help much when your computer likes to fail...)
What's funny is that the last paper, I didn't do despite the fact I'd done the outside reading for it, I just...agh, the prompts are so vague and yet so precise, and I just feel completely unqualified to write five pages on the subject, and this time I haven't done either the outside reading or the mandatory reading, and I don't want to do both papers after the midterm because the timing will probably also be horrible and I also want to take the professor for two classes next semester and don't want to make a bad impression, but -- I don't want to write this paper. And I don't care. Like, I don't engage with this class at all, and...it's just so weird.
I mean, some of it might be because the class takes place in a classroom that's much more typically a lecture hall than any of my other classes -- theatre-type seats with the desk that comes up out of the arm, on bleachered steps (um, pretend that makes sense), and most of my classes are in a regular classroom. And it's larger than most of my classes, I think, probably closer to thirty people (or more) than twenty (look, I go to a small university) -- and it's a lecture, not a seminar, but all of my classes are lectures. Most of them are smaller, but -- *shakes head* It's just so weird. I do not understand, at all.
Also, I have a midterm for this class next Monday. *sigh* I keep telling myself I am going to start this paper early early, and then I don't, and I'm left scrambling the week of, and I have other papers, and I just don't care -- anyway, should I do this paper or wait and do the next two? I have to do my Spenser paper, and I have two midterms this week, and I have to read all of King John by Thursday -- or maybe Tuesday -- for a different class, and I need to start my public service, and I completely forgot that I am now going to have cramps for the next couple days, and thus be completely unwilling to do anything --
At least the Olympics will be over, and thus it will be easier for me to concentrate in the evenings.