things that crack me up

[bedlamsbard]

The difference between classicists and medievalists in their idea of a good movie:

CLASSICIST: Troy was such a terrible movie! How could anyone enjoy that? Kingdom of Heaven, now, that was a good movie.

MEDIEVALIST: Kingdom of Heaven is such a ridiculous movie! How could anyone make the Crusades that boring? Troy, now, that was a good movie.

Comments

[isweedan]

Haha, yeah. But everyone can agree that Beowulf was A TERRIBLE MOVIE.

Outlander though? I flove that movie ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[juniperphoenix]

The Christopher Lambert Beowulf REDEFINED "terrible movie." :D

[bedlamsbard]

Not as bad as Dark Kingdom!

[lady_songsmith]

See your Beowulf and raise you Thirteenth Warrior.

[juliekarasik]

Snorfle.

[bedlamsbard]

TRUE STORY.

[be_themoon]

bwahahaha!

(Do the medievalists also like Gladiator?)

[bedlamsbard]

The general agreement on Gladiator is that it is very pretty, but so wrong.

[highlyeccentric]

As a medievalist, I am happy to say that Troy was a terrible movie and Kingdom of Heaven had its redeeming features! (Actually, Troy had those too. Read: Brad Pitt in a skirt.)

For some reason what drives me BATS about Troy is the horses and tack. They should've been riding hill ponies, if anything, and they certainly should not have had STIRRUPS. BAH.

KoH was... well, awful. I watched it with my Crusades lecturer and a bunch of classmates, hanging out in his holiday house at one point. He enjoyed stopping the film and saying "now what's wrong with this scene??" (To which we said uh... Orlando Bloom couldn't forge anything to save his life; no arm muscles. Apparently the correct answer was actually that the method of smelting depicted wasn't invented for another century or so.) But it did get something about the eschatalogical concept of Jerusalem, I think. You could see it in the colour cast - all dim and blue for Europe, and red and gold for the Holy Land. Now, then they took that all off in the wrong direction with the "multicultural paradise" angle, but w/evs. They gave us the sense that the Kingdom of Jerusalem was somehow just... land and yet something so much more.

[bedlamsbard]

The two most perfect pieces of casting for Troy were Sean Bean for Odysseus and Eric Bana for Hektor. I WOULD WATCH THE HELL OUT OF AN ODYSSEY MOVIE STARRING SEAN BEAN THOUGH DOUBTLESS HOLLYWOOD WOULD GET IT WRONG WRONG WRONG. (Odysseus! My One True Character! Look, The Odyssey made a really big impression on me as a child. Odysseus/Penelope OTP!)

I haven't watched either movie in such a long time -- I think I may not have seen Kingdom of Heaven since it was in theatres?

I am almost certainly dropping this class, but my Greek and Roman Magic professor briefly got sidetracked today by talking about Troy and how much he hated the portrayal of Paris by Orlando Bloom, because it meant that Orlando Bloom was no longer awesome! Because he'd loved him as Legolas as Lord of the Rings! But he was a terrible Paris! Except that's how Paris was characterized in the Iliad, so actually great casting! But Legolas was so much more awesome, and Orlando Bloom was only somewhat redeemed in Pirates of the Caribbean, but still overshadowed by Johnny Depp! But he was awesome as Legolas!

[cofax7]

Troy included a scene in which the sun rose in the west.

and Kingdom of Heaven included a scene in which Orlando Bloom invented irrigation.

I think they both lose. *g*

(Although I do like Eva Green.)

[bedlamsbard]

But Troy had Sean Bean. That's a big plus...

[kayloulee]

*howls with laughter*

And then the medievalists, Celticists, and Arthurianists (a lot of us are all three!) will add that also, King Arthur is FUCKING TERRIBLE. LEATHER BIKINI WHAT NO WRONG.

[burntcopper]

Technically, Guinevere is wearing too much for a Geordie lass.

[sgrio]

LOL!

[sgrio]

*wails with rage*

[bedlamsbard]

Add in the classicists and the Late Antiquity historians and the Roman historians, because what the fuck timing omg.

[kayloulee]

Yeah, no kidding. And, if I recall correctly, the movie actually starts (ends? something, anyway) by saying that it's ACCURATE, or words to that effect. Which? NO.

[bedlamsbard]

Also, Lancelot is totally a Sarmation name! OBVIOUSLY.

[sgrio]

And I remember I was so EXCITED over the ads. And then...

Yeah.

/o\

[burntcopper]

Troy looked so pretty at first. The casting! Sean Bean as Odysseus! Eric Bana! Brian Cox! Saffron Burrows!

And then... oh christ. 'Cousin. Totally my cousin. in conclusion. Cousin.'

Just as someone who read the legends as a kid it was so much fail. never mind the historical. When I ranted on the cutting out the gay, you get people going 'so they cut that out, so...?' And then you have to point out that the Patrocles thing is a MAJOR PLOT POINT re: Achilles going batshit. Briseis was a property issue, that was it!

Gladiator. :pets you and your history fail:

King Arthur is my out-and-proud guilty pleasure. Dude. the trailer was so pretty. And then they get one of the most famous dates in British history wrong. Cue whiplash of '...I'm sorry, but getting orders from the Roman Empire post-410 AD? AHAAHAHAHAHA.' And then bloody great rolling forests north of the wall. And Saxons attacking from the North, as opposed to the bits of the country named after them. After that I just sat back and reached for the popcorn. (Directors Cut, they re-inserted the blood and changed a couple of bits, so plot makes a bit more sense) I have no issue with the leather crop top. She's a Geordie. Remove the breeches, *then* she'll be wearing the right amount of clothing.

[bedlamsbard]

Sean Bean makes the most perfect Odysseus. I would watch the hell out of an Odyssey movie that starred Sean Bean. (oooh, I bet Lena Headey would make a good Penelope. Or Athena!) Although doubtless Hollywood would get it wrong, get it all WRONG, because the thing with the monsters is a very minor plot point, it's all about the revenge! (Odysseus: my one true character.)

I'm reading the Iliad right now for class, and -- yeah. *shakes head* Actually, it's kind of fascinating how so much of what we take for gospel from Homer re: the Trojan War doesn't actually come from the Iliad at all. Hektor totally knew he was killing Patroklos and not Achilles! There is so much violence and bloodshed! Odysseus is awesome, but that's a given, never mind anything.

Gladiator is just. Argh. I mean, if you're going to mess with the history, at least do it in a reasonably entertaining way? When one actually makes ROMAN HISTORY boring, you're doing something very wrong. But on the other hand, it is SO PRETTY.

Oh my God, King Arthur and the history fail. But yes. So pretty.