and then Rome figured that if the Carthaginians could build boats, THEY certainly could

[bedlamsbard]

Allow me to sum up the First Punic War for you, as told by Polybius:

MAMERTINES: ...uh, could we get a little help here?
CARTHAGE: OMG we have wanted to get one over on Syracuse for years, let's go!

meanwhile, in the Roman Senate
SENATOR #1: So, Messana. We should --
SENATOR #2: Messana is on Sicily. Sicily is an ISLAND.
SENATOR #3: So?
SENATOR #2: That requires boats. We're not so good with boats, guys.
SENATOR #4: How hard can it be? The Greeks managed it, it can't be that hard!
SENATOR #5: We already have a war! We have Gauls all up in our business! Clearly the army and the consuls are needed there --
SENATOR #6: We have two consuls for a reason!
SENATOR #7: Why do we have to help the Mamertines again?
SENATOR #1: Well, they're Campanian...
SENATOR #8: I don't see why that's important.
SENATOR #9: I SHALL NOT SEE ANOTHER PYRRHUS IN ITALY.
SENATOR #2: Can we get back to the boat thing?

ROMAN CONSUL: So, what up, guys, we're here.
CARTHAGINIAN GENERAL: ...why is Rome here? Oh, well, I suppose we shall leave.

CARTHAGINIAN SENATE: YOU DID WHAT?
CARTHAGINIAN GENERAL: Wow, I really didn't expect to get crucified for that. *dies*
CARTHAGINIAN SENATE: BRING ON THE ELEPHANTS.

many elephants later
ROME: Okay, now we're angry.
SENATOR #2: BOATS. I TOLD YOU IT WOULD COME DOWN TO BOATS.
ROME: *builds quinqueremes*
ROME: See? That wasn't so hard, was it?
CARTHAGE: ...the Romans have boats. And they have -- things on them. What are those -- DO THESE PEOPLE NOT KNOW HOW TO FIGHT A PROPER NAVAL BATTLE? *is defeated*
ROME: We're on a BOAT.

ROME: *has multiple fleets sunk in bad weather*
ROME: Um. So. Let's go back to the land army thing.

CARTHAGE: ELEPHANTS.

ROME: So...that didn't go as well as planned. Uh, we invaded part of Africa?

twenty-four years in, on Sicily
CARTHAGE: Rome shall never try another fleet!
ROME: *lands a fleet*
CARTHAGE: ...whoops.

Comments

[isweedan]

Heeeee. Onna boat.

History through memes is love.

Senator #2 is my favorite. Of course.

[sistabro]

Lol. Have you ever listened to the Hard Core History podcast? It is often really funny and he did the Punic wars.

[juliekarasik]

Oh, I love you :)

[juniperphoenix]

ROME: We're on a BOAT.

*dies laughing*

[be_themoon]

ahahahhaha! this is GREAT, and made me very happy.

[bedlamsbard]

The conversation in the Senate is more or less the conversation we had in class, while playing the Roman Senate. "Sicily is an island! You have to get there via sea! THAT REQUIRES BOATS. We're not too good with boats!"

[bedlamsbard]

I haven't! I don't really listen to a lot of podcasts except for Cast On, sometimes.

[bedlamsbard]

Aww.

[bedlamsbard]

Dude, that is pretty much the exact impression I got from Polybius. Not Diodorus Siculus so much, but Polybius, definitely. It's like the Romans went, "Boats! We have them! WE CAN DO ANYTHING...why is this sinking?

[bedlamsbard]

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[longmagpieroads]

Thank you. This made my day so much better.

[bedlamsbard]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Polybius (and Livy, now that we've moved onto the Second Punic War) are occasionally a hoot and a half.