judge me and I will cut you

[bedlamsbard]

Actual conversation I just had:

Me: I have half a paragraph of my thesis.
New York: Yay!
Me: I need ten pages.
New York: ...oh.

Ugh, ugh, ugh. Can I just write my thesis about Battlestar Galactica instead? Or, alternately, just write my BSG fic instead? That's totally an option, right?

...I could totally talk about Virgilian influences on BSG, yes? They are on an EPIC SEARCH for a NEW HOMELAND and actually the comparison kind of falls apart there, so never mind.

ETA: Ugh, I am basically regurgitating what I have read and not actually coming up with a coherent and/or cogent thought of my own; I feel like a freaking idiot, and also I am talking about stuff wot I do not know, what the fuck. Also, I'm going to have to switch to doing my Latin homework in a minute; well, at least I can put BSG on in the background. (I am giving serious thought to skipping Latin tomorrow morning just so I can get some more sleep, but I'll feel terrible about it, so it probably ain't happening.)

On the bright side, I just got an e-mail from Whole Foods telling me that raspberries are going to be on sale. RASPBERRIES. I LOVE RASPBERRIES.

Comments

[highlyeccentric]

You know, going to your advisor(s) and saying "look, i have almost nothing and I'm not even sure what my argument is FUCK" is an option. They probably have a back-up procedure for when this happens.

[bedlamsbard]

I am going to see my advisor tomorrow, but I'm kind of anxious because the deadline to turn in the first chapter to the honors program is Monday. *hands* I hate the idea of having to go to my advisor and saying, "Look, I had a really rough semester and this ended up falling by the wayside because I suck at time management and by the time I realized how much work I had it was too late to drop any classes, I think I should drop the thesis and do a capstone instead." (Since I think that's the only option? Ugh.)

Thanks, hon.

[highlyeccentric]

Trust me, it is better that you say these things to your adviser -before- the deadline than after. There may be workarounds s/he can pull out for you!

[bedlamsbard]

Yeah, I'll tell Dr. O. Ugh, I just -- I feel like such an idiot, you know? Because it's mostly my fault for putting it off and putting it off because I always had things that were due right now and the thesis was off sometime in the distant future until the point when it's also due right now. And I'm going to feel like such a failure if I graduate university without honors because I couldn't freaking manage my time. (Although let's be honest, I feel like a failure now.)

Ack, sorry for unloading on you.

[highlyeccentric]

*hugs you*

It's ok. Managing your time is a freakin' important skill. So is "talking to people when you've fucked up". Clearly option B is what you're learning this semester! Option A would be nice, too, but sometimes you can only do one or the other.

[bedlamsbard]

If only I had learned sometime before the middle of the semester that it is not actually possible for me to take twenty credits and write a thesis. (Okay, granted, three of those credits were the thesis, but TWO LANGUAGES. Which means homework every freaking night. Which is not something I'm used to. Plus a seminar. And an English course I'm deeply worried about because I have a paper due for that the day after my thesis chapter is due that I haven't done anything for since I'm wittering on about Virgil.) (And I mean, yes, I did get really into a new fandom, which obviously will not come up tomorrow, but in my defense, I was doing homework pretty much the entire time I had the show on.)

ARGH. This is the semester of great disaster and epic failure, I feel, since it basically feels like a long list of stuff that I didn't/couldn't get done.

[highlyeccentric]

The new fandom is -because- of the stressors. LEMME TELL YOU THAT FROM EXPERIENCE.

*hugs you* A semester of grate fale happens to everyone. Sometimes more than once. Important thing is to do harm-reduction when you can. :)

[bedlamsbard]

...yeah, judging from past experience (Narnia: when my head was exploding from doing my senior project my last year of high school), THAT MAKES SENSE. Screw Virgil, man, I just want to sit here and write alternating fluff and angst.

This is my second semester of Great Fail. Ugh. I just wish it wasn't one that feels like it's going to fuck me up for the rest of my academic career.

[snacky]

It's ok. Managing your time is a freakin' important skill. So is "talking to people when you've fucked up".

I feel this is important to repeat again and again. In every position I've been in when I've been a supervisor/manager, I would tell people up front: "No matter what, just come to me in time and we can work something out. And even if it's past deadline, we'll STILL work something out. Just tell me so we can work it out."

[highlyeccentric]

I KNOWWW. I tell my students this MANY TIMES per semester and they -still don't get the idea-.

[bedlamsbard]

That is my plan for tomorrow. Since about half an hour ago I hit the point where I looked at what I'd written, looked at my research, and realized that none of it was relevant to (a) what I am actually supposed to be writing my thesis on or (b) my interests.