(no subject)

[bedlamsbard]

Exposition, my evil nemesis, we meet again! Which is to say, I hate this scene I'm working on in BW and it's the same reason I haven't started Dust 28 yet, because I'm trying to figure out how to do it without a giant exposition dump. (Which is boring.)

*

An academic thing: I think that I'm going to have to drop my honors thesis, because at this point I'd be trying to do a full-year project in less than a semester, and that's never a good idea. I finally figured out what I'd want to write about (gee, it only took a year), but I don't have the time or energy to do it, especially since now the very words "honors thesis" kind of make me want to weep. I'm not that happy with this decision since it feels like giving up + I won't graduate with honors, but I really don't think I can pull it off at this point, not and still meet the honors program's deadlines + keep up with the rest of my classes. I'm going to have to take a MEMS capstone and maybe a Classics one (although I think since Classics is my secondary major, I might not have to do a second capstone; I need to check with my advisor), but I've already got one MEMS seminar this semester that could count, although I'm thinking of taking my thesis advisor's seminar in the English department, because I love him and it's my last year. Also I feel bad.

I don't know. I'm so messed up over this project that I can't look at it straight anymore. Academic-type people, does it actually seem like a rational decision or an excuse not to do it?

Comments

[rooibos]

I've been in a similar position, but I ultimately chose to keep my honors thesis. I didn't have capstones to complete--actually, my last semester of undergrad was pretty low-pressure, aside from the thesis-- but it was still a bit of a stretch. I don't regret it, though.

If you want to talk to someone IRL about it, we can grab a cup of coffee and chat once you're back in the city.

[bedlamsbard]

I guess some of the other reasons I'm worried are these: (1) I have a pretty heavy schedule next semester (it's about the same as last semester, and I almost had a nervous breakdown then), with two languages and my public service, (2) the thesis is eight times longer than any other lit paper I've ever written, (3) I have nothing right now (except for the ten worst pages I've ever written in my life) and basically no research done (because I changed my topic), and (4) due to the Honors Program's schedule/deadlines, I'd have to produce thirty pages by January 25.

So there's that. *sighs*

[highlyeccentric]

I think this is the right decision for you at the moment. *hugs you*

[highlyeccentric]

Which is to say, if you were my student I would Approve Of This Decision.

[bedlamsbard]

Thanks, hon, that means a lot coming from you. *sighs* (Which is a compliment! In case that is not clear.)

[starlady]

It sounds like a very rational decision, and I would approve of it if one of my students in similar circumstances asked me that question. Writing an honors thesis is good practice for future academic work, but it's not at all necessary to continue, if that's what you're planning on doing.

[bedlamsbard]

The main reason not doing it upsets me is because it means I won't graduate with Latin honors, which feels uncomfortably like...failure? I'm not sure. Maybe it's just that smalltown shame, but at least the benefit of going farfaraway for university is that the dean's list isn't printed in the local newspaper, the way it is for in-state schools. And then everyone you know in town judges you based on whether or not you made it.

Thanks. :)

[delfinnium]

I have no basis to say what I have to say - mostly because my honours thesis was basically an experiment, and basically writing it up. What you are doing is very different, so it's difficult to compare directly.

But if your thesis is making you severely depressed, giving you nightmares, and driving you mentally off the rails, and you feel more and more like it's impossible?

Don't do the honours thesis. Just - don't. Drop the thing - I don't know what else you can do with the US system, but surely you can do a masters later, where it is actually MORE time, easier, for you to take your time and sort out what you want to do.

OR you can take another year? can you add another year to your degree? Or take an honours seperately? Either way, the deadline looks like it's coming up, it looks like the requirements are driving you nuts. It's not lazy, to realise you just can't handle it.

There are multiple ways to get into graduate school, I'm sure, and not all of them require an honours degree.

Mental health is FAR more important than getting that honours.

[bedlamsbard]

Honors works different ways in different U.S. schools, but it doesn't actually mean anything except having "summa cum laude" or "magna cum laude" (what are called "Latin honors" here) added to your diploma. Most schools just require you to keep a certain GPA while you're there; Tulane's unusual in that it requires a thesis as well as the GPA and as well as certain designated honors classes.

I'm sure it helps having graduated with honors and/or having written a thesis to get into graduate school, but most students don't graduate with honors and most students don't write a thesis, and (as my advisor has pointed out) grad schools aren't going to know that I attempted and failed to write a thesis if I don't tell them that. I actually thought about doing another semester, but considering my tuition (I go to a very expensive private uni) and the fact that my scholarship will run out, it's not worth it just to graduate with honors when the important part is just graduating, period.

*sighs* I would rather recognize now that I am not capable of writing a good thesis, if I'm capable of writing this one at all, than ending up in the position my ex-roommate was in last year, when she wrote the whole thing and was still revising (because her advisor never got back to her, granted) it as her brother and father moved her stuff out around her before finally scrapping it as impossible to finish given the position she was in. (Given the fact that even with an extension, she would still be trying to finish the thesis while she was working at her new job after graduating.)

Weirdly, today my father gave me a speech -- well, a comment -- about how not doing the honors thesis was wasting all the honors courses I'd taken at Tulane, and at that point I went, "Wait, no, Bedlam, this is crazy. First of all, thinking about the damn thing makes you cry and/or freeze up, so that actually writing anything is (a) like drawing water from a stone and (b)incapable of coherency." Plus all the stuff about being on behind on research + writing + everything. Also the part where I almost had a meltdown last semester when I was barely working on the thesis at all, so I'd hate to see what would actually happen if I was trying to rush a thesis and take the same kind of courseload I did last semester. (My father does not believe in mental health.)

Er, sorry for babbling.

[delfinnium]

Okay wow your dad. >.<

First: if you are NOT happy in any state of mind to do an honours, even with an extension, and unable to actually DO it...

I think you could do the thesis if you had had an entire year free to work on it, but you don't. You have so much class work, so you can't concentrate wholly on it. Your sanity is far more important -

I think you are right to drop it, especially if you still intend to go to graduate school, its better to continue with good GPA then try for the honours and pull down your grades. Yes?

[bedlamsbard]

Yeah. *sighs* Even if I had time, I'm not sure that I've got the state of mind to do it right now.

[cursor_mundi]

Sorry for the late reply; was at MLA, bloody great waste of time and money that it is, and had no reliable internet.

I second everyone saying "drop it": it's impressive to have, but if you drive yourself into a breakdown it's not worth it. Think of the time you have invested in it as pre-research for your MA, so you can come into a program with an idea of what you want to work on and then do it; THAT looks impressive, trust me. One of the few things that MLA proved to me is that sanity and mental health are absolutely key things to have in academia, and when you have neither it shows and it does you no good what so ever. One of the things grad school is designed to do is smash you against your limits so you know when you'll crack, and if you know that already when you go in, it will do you loads of good.

[bedlamsbard]

Oh, I never thought of that! That's a really good point, thanks. (Especially since I'm looking at classical reception programs, which is what my thesis topic is/was.)