randomness

[bedlamsbard]

I keep feeling like this story wants to be weirdly sexually charged. Like, maybe that's a good thing? But it feels wrong to me, but maybe that's just because it's Star Wars and/or I'm still going through that period where I have no interest whatsoever in trying to write porn. I can't tell. *hands* I never got any feedback on part one, so I'm working totally in the dark here, which is...discomfiting. Not really on the level of OH GOD EVERYONE HATES IT WOE IS ME, which is interesting, but more on the level of, "Wow, I could be totally off-base here and not know. Weird." Which isn't bothering me as much as it has before (thank the muses, I'm just saying, because that's all I need, another batshit insane over feedback incident), but it's...strange. I'm sure there's some kind of evocative metaphor I could come up with that would more accurately describe my dislocation, but it's escaping me at the moment.

(It's not that I think I'm out on Narnia entirely, just for the minute, because something finally rubbed me the wrong way and I'm backing off until I can think straight on the subject or until it translates from despair to inspired anger. I don't know why I feel the overwhelming need to explain this; it's no one's business but mine, but I feel guilty?)

ETA: Actually I think I do want someone to talk through Dooku's motivation with me, so if you happen to be interested in plotty SW genderfuck set during the Clone Wars, please hit me up.

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TV what I am watching right now: Fringe, Castle, Revenge, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and Alcatraz, which is fabulous and which I've seen very little about (we're only up to...mmm, I think six episodes? So you can easily catch up!).

I didn't actually mean to stop watching Criminal Minds last season, but I didn't think I was emotionally in a place where I could handle what happened to Prentiss, so I stopped right before "Lauren" and just...never caught up. I'd like to do so now, since that...thing...has apparently since been rectified, but I just haven't gotten 'round to it. I guess I should do that, since it used to be one of my favorite shows.

Last week I finished working my way through Prison Break, since I'm going through another one of those periods where I have to have some kind of background noise for my homework. Unfortunately I haven't yet found anything to replace it -- I started rewatching Lost, but I started getting too annoyed at everyone, because apparently that show really is better when you're drugged up (which I was, the first time I watched it, since I'd just gotten my wisdom teeth out and I was in a lot of pain and had nothing better to do).

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Volunteering at a battered women's shelter for my public service. Today Oregon (whose in my public service class as well as my Greek class) and I spent two hours cleaning the kitchen, and about an hour in my back pain flared up something fierce and hasn't gone away since. This was -- uh, seven hours ago? It's gone up and down in intensity since, but it's definitely still there. I really wish I knew why this was happening, and some way to make it stop, because Advil doesn't work.

I'm sure this was not helped by the fact that I (a) hadn't gotten enough sleep and (b) had barely eaten anything all day. By the time we got back to campus, I was starving and in so much physical pain I could barely think aside from "MUST GET FOOD."

(For some reason going in to the doctor's office for the back pain is really bizarre to me, despite the fact that it's been going on for at least three years now. I know I probably should -- I mean, I could just go to Health Services on campus -- but...I don't know. Maybe part of me is convinced that it's all in my head, especially since painkillers have never, ever made it stop.)

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Mardi Gras season down here, and wow, Mardi Gras really snuck up on me this year. It's my last year in New Orleans, and I feel like I should spend it going to parades! Except I'm too tired and keyed up and even more antisocial than I was as a freshman to go to them, and also now I'm mildly annoyed because there are only two parades I always go to (well -- one, but the other follows immediately after) and they just got moved to different days because the weather forecast for tomorrow is RAIN. But I'll go to Iris and Tucks anyway, because those two are mine.

(Man, the stories I could tell about parades past, and my stories aren't even that thrilling, since I've never tackled a police officer or had my teeth knocked out or been present at a shooting. Mine are just things like, "Once a cup bounced off my head! Once I saw a chain gang cleaning up the streets, and it was the creepiest thing ever! Once I saw a car chase coming back from a parade! Once my roommate punched a guy (but I wasn't actually there)! Once I saw a couple walking past carrying a giant thing of tequila at eight in the morning!" Oh, New Orleans. HOW CAN I EVER LEAVE YOU?)

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I am however thinking about getting an entire king cake. Last chance! Unless I do decide to go to LSU for library school next year.

Comments

[cursor_mundi]

About the back pain -- if your back is hurting, you should go to a doctor, it's not like the core support structure of your body is paining you or anything. If painkillers don't work, then it isn't a muscle problem, which means it could be internal. I had persistent back pain last May that turned out, SURPRISE, to be a kidney infection. WHO KNEW? (I was very startled!) If you're not eating and sleeping poorly that could toss things out of wack, and you could be running low grade or repeated infections.

Alternately, you could be in desperate need of a chiropractor; the good ones take a very holistic approach, and little adjustments really do have amazing whole-body effects. If the pain recurs a lot, skeletal alignment issues could explain it and things like massage will only treat the symptoms, not the cause.

[bedlamsbard]

There is a point where I sat up yesterday and said to myself in tones of astonishment, "This has been going on for three years (at least, that's when I remember it starting, but it could be longer). That can be neither normal nor healthy." At school, at home, in different types of chairs...

I come from one of those families where you only go to the doctor if you're dying or something; it wasn't until college that I actually figured out that it was okay to take painkillers if you were actually in pain. But anyway, yeah, I guess I should see someone about this? In case there actually is something seriously wrong.

[cursor_mundi]

From the description, it sounds like there already IS something wrong; it's just, the human body is designed to survive and go on at great disadvantage (I have a friend who just had a second kidney transplant yesterday -- her one kidney was down to 10% function before it was "urgent" enough to merit a transplant!), but that doesn't mean there's nothing wrong if you haven't toppled over. The non-localized pain is what I had with my mysterious infection this summer -- lymph nodes fighting something off, and it expressed as back pain.

Think of it this way: you've got health insurance right now, and The Man makes money off you if you DON'T use it. So screw The Man and take advantage of what you're paying for. ;)

[bedlamsbard]

That is a good point! Since I've been shelling out for the school-mandated health insurance since my other health insurance isn't good enough for my uni for four years and never had to use it. I guess the thing is it usually hits in the evening, after Health Services is closed, and by that I point I just want it to go away go away go away and never think about doing anything serious about it.

But, yeah. I guess I should do something about it. BECAUSE THREE YEARS.