New York Minute 9
May. 15th, 2005 04:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bedlamsbardI have Twix. However, only about half a bar left. All the truffles are gone, alas. My mom ate the last one. It was very depressing. I think I qualify as a chocolate addict.
As if Aiden's little dream sequence wasn't enough, she corners Danny and demands to know why. So Danny tells her. And Flack is so not dealing well.
Aiden’s grip tightened on Danny’s collar. “Yeah? Well, when they affect the team, then they don’t deserve to be secrets. I don’t give a fuck what you did when you were a kid, but I wanna know why they came after us. I don’t want you to blow this off, Danny.”
Danny gnawed on his lower lip. “I was fourteen,” he said, the words spilling from his lips before he could stop them.
She cocked her head at him curiously. “Yeah?”
He nodded tightly. “Fourteen years old. I was just a kid. My last year in junior high. I was gettin’ pretty good grades, I guess, but I wasn’t – it was – Christ, I don’t know. Anyway. Sonny Sassone came by, for me specifically or because he was bored, I don’t know. And, well –” Faint heat rose to his cheeks.
Aiden let go of his collar slowly, sitting back.
“He was seventeen,” Danny said softly. He stared at the wall by Aiden’s head, remembering. “I skipped class. It was English, fifth period. He liked me. Liked me a lot, said stuff – and he promised – he promised he’d get me into Tanglewood.” He shook his head. “I thought it was for me. For me, not for Constantine. I know better now.”
“That’s statutory rape, Danny,” Aiden said, looking like she couldn’t quite comprehend what he was saying.
“Yeah. Well. I was pretty dumb, I guess. And, well – Christ, it was Sonny. He could charm Curly outta one of his moods. Next to that, a fourteen-year-old kid is a piece’a cake.”
“Jesus Christ, Danny.”
“I started skipping class. More and more of it, ya’ know. And, like, my grades went down. I was hanging out with Sonny and – mainly Sonny. Sometimes his friends came by, but it was mostly him. I ran away from home a month later. It was November, a couple days after Halloween.” He can still taste the nicotine in his mouth, the soft brush of smoke against his lips and the bright glow of his cigarette in the sick light of the flickering streetlight. Sonny will come, he tells himself. He promised. He’ll come. “I got my tattoo the next day. I didn’t cry, or yell, or scream or anything. I didn’t even twitch. I got beaten up too, but that’s standard. Happens to everybody. Not everyone gets the tat.” Almost as an afterthought – “Val was really pissed off when he saw – when he came. I didn’t think Mom woulda called him, but I guess – I dunno. I don’t know how he knew to find me there. The cops couldn’t find me and they were looking. I was a cop’s kid. Blue blood, at least half’a it. Sergeant Messer’s kid. He was popular.”
“Danny –”
He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t look at her, face the betrayal and accusation in her eyes. You can’t be a cop and be Tanglewood. They don’t mesh. Blend. Oil and water, and which one was he? Oil? Or water? Cop? Or Tanglewood? “I was – I didn’t go back. Couldn’t. My folks knew where I was, but I don’t think they wanted – anyway, they told everyone I was livin’ with my uncle, and that was true. I guess. Val homeschooled me and I guess he beat somethin’ into my brain, when I settled down enough to listen. It wasn’t like he could tell me not to go be a wiseguy.” He licked his lips nervously, sliced a piece of chapped skin and tasted blood. “When I was eighteen, Vinnie killed a cop. Andrew O’Malley. He was a patrolman, pulled Vinnie over for speeding or a DUI or something. Vinnie barely let him talk. He shot him. Right in front of our eyes, in a car of five Tanglewood Boys. I couldn’t – Jesus Christ, it was a cop. I got outta the car and they came after me. I hadta tell someone. That was the first time I saw someone die.” He looked down at his hands. “Vinnie shot me. I guess he thought he’d killed me, because he didn’t haul me back to his place. I don’t know what kinda excuse he was gonna come up with.”
“Jesus, Danny,” Aiden said. Her eyes were wide.
Danny shook his head. “I testified at his trial. Witness for the prosecution. Jesus Christ, I was the only thing they had goin’ for them. Patriso lawyers got rid of any evidence – they got rid’a the gun, and the car, and they got witnesses to prove that Vinnie had been at a party with them all night. I was an unreliable witness, that’s what they said. My dad was a cop, and I was a teenage runaway mobster who’d never gone to high school.” He cocked his head to one side, considering. “I got outta Tanglewood. There’re two dates on my tat. I went back to high school for a year an’ scared the shit outta everyone. I went to college and got my degree, played in the minors until Curly and Phil caught me after a game and broke my wrist. Went to the Academy. Did a stint on Patrol, then came to CSU. It never came up.”
“Danny –” Aiden said again.
“Sonny’s fault,” Danny said softly. “It never woulda come up if he hadn’t killed a guy. Mac worked the case. Remember? Curly got pissed off because I didn’t do a damn thing to get him off.”
“Jesus Christ, Danny.”
Danny gnawed fiercely on his lower lip, tasting blood beneath his teeth. He looked at her after a minute, pulling his glasses off to rub at them with the sleeve of his shirt. “You wanna know why Curly came after me? That’s why. Because he couldn’t get over the fact I never did a damn thing to get Sonny off, or maybe because I testified against Vinnie twelve years ago. ‘Cause he can’t quite get it through his fucking head I’m not Mafia like he is. You never forgive, and you never forget.” He slid his glasses back on. “Or maybe I am.”
Aiden grabbed at his shirt collar again, dragging him in close so that they were eye to eye. “Fuck, Danny. You’re a cop. You’re NYPD. Get that through your head.” Her breath rasped against his face. “It don’t give a fuck about who you were before you came to the Academy, because after that you’re NYPD. You’re the police and you gotta get your shit together, Danny.”
He thought, vaguely, like a soft whisp of cool air in the desert, that she wasn’t really one to talk, because wasn’t she the one holding the gun when he came in? Wasn’t she –
His fault. His fault, and none of this never would have happened if he hadn’t been Tanglewood’s Dannyboy once upon a time. Not the bright terror in Aiden’s eyes, not Flack screaming himself awake five nights out of seven. He hadn’t gone back to his old apartment, but he hadn’t gone looking for another one either, still sleeping on Danny’s couch – if you can call that sleeping. He’d almost started turning into Mac, without the wedding ring and the Chicago accent. He got far too drunk most nights, and it was all Danny could do to haul him out of a cab and up to his apartment, if he bothered to go out at all. Danny wasn’t sure if he preferred over-caffeinated, sleepless Flack or hung-over, half-inebriated, cranky Flack. He’d rather have the old Flack back, but that wasn’t an option. Not unless he could erase the last month.
“Aiden,” he said, voice cracking. “I’m not – I shouldn’t –”
She shook him fiercely, half-choking him. “It – doesn’t – matter,” she bit out. “Nobody –” except Mac “– gives a shit about what you were before you came to the Lab. You’re NYPD now. It wasn’t your fault, it was Curly Sassone’s fault.”
Danny gave a short hard laugh, almost a bark. “It’d be nice if I could believe that.”
“I believe that. Is that enough?”
Not nearly. “Why?” he whispered. “Why do you even care?”
Aiden stared at him like he’d shot a child. “You’re my friend,” she said. “My partner.”
As if Aiden's little dream sequence wasn't enough, she corners Danny and demands to know why. So Danny tells her. And Flack is so not dealing well.
Aiden’s grip tightened on Danny’s collar. “Yeah? Well, when they affect the team, then they don’t deserve to be secrets. I don’t give a fuck what you did when you were a kid, but I wanna know why they came after us. I don’t want you to blow this off, Danny.”
Danny gnawed on his lower lip. “I was fourteen,” he said, the words spilling from his lips before he could stop them.
She cocked her head at him curiously. “Yeah?”
He nodded tightly. “Fourteen years old. I was just a kid. My last year in junior high. I was gettin’ pretty good grades, I guess, but I wasn’t – it was – Christ, I don’t know. Anyway. Sonny Sassone came by, for me specifically or because he was bored, I don’t know. And, well –” Faint heat rose to his cheeks.
Aiden let go of his collar slowly, sitting back.
“He was seventeen,” Danny said softly. He stared at the wall by Aiden’s head, remembering. “I skipped class. It was English, fifth period. He liked me. Liked me a lot, said stuff – and he promised – he promised he’d get me into Tanglewood.” He shook his head. “I thought it was for me. For me, not for Constantine. I know better now.”
“That’s statutory rape, Danny,” Aiden said, looking like she couldn’t quite comprehend what he was saying.
“Yeah. Well. I was pretty dumb, I guess. And, well – Christ, it was Sonny. He could charm Curly outta one of his moods. Next to that, a fourteen-year-old kid is a piece’a cake.”
“Jesus Christ, Danny.”
“I started skipping class. More and more of it, ya’ know. And, like, my grades went down. I was hanging out with Sonny and – mainly Sonny. Sometimes his friends came by, but it was mostly him. I ran away from home a month later. It was November, a couple days after Halloween.” He can still taste the nicotine in his mouth, the soft brush of smoke against his lips and the bright glow of his cigarette in the sick light of the flickering streetlight. Sonny will come, he tells himself. He promised. He’ll come. “I got my tattoo the next day. I didn’t cry, or yell, or scream or anything. I didn’t even twitch. I got beaten up too, but that’s standard. Happens to everybody. Not everyone gets the tat.” Almost as an afterthought – “Val was really pissed off when he saw – when he came. I didn’t think Mom woulda called him, but I guess – I dunno. I don’t know how he knew to find me there. The cops couldn’t find me and they were looking. I was a cop’s kid. Blue blood, at least half’a it. Sergeant Messer’s kid. He was popular.”
“Danny –”
He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t look at her, face the betrayal and accusation in her eyes. You can’t be a cop and be Tanglewood. They don’t mesh. Blend. Oil and water, and which one was he? Oil? Or water? Cop? Or Tanglewood? “I was – I didn’t go back. Couldn’t. My folks knew where I was, but I don’t think they wanted – anyway, they told everyone I was livin’ with my uncle, and that was true. I guess. Val homeschooled me and I guess he beat somethin’ into my brain, when I settled down enough to listen. It wasn’t like he could tell me not to go be a wiseguy.” He licked his lips nervously, sliced a piece of chapped skin and tasted blood. “When I was eighteen, Vinnie killed a cop. Andrew O’Malley. He was a patrolman, pulled Vinnie over for speeding or a DUI or something. Vinnie barely let him talk. He shot him. Right in front of our eyes, in a car of five Tanglewood Boys. I couldn’t – Jesus Christ, it was a cop. I got outta the car and they came after me. I hadta tell someone. That was the first time I saw someone die.” He looked down at his hands. “Vinnie shot me. I guess he thought he’d killed me, because he didn’t haul me back to his place. I don’t know what kinda excuse he was gonna come up with.”
“Jesus, Danny,” Aiden said. Her eyes were wide.
Danny shook his head. “I testified at his trial. Witness for the prosecution. Jesus Christ, I was the only thing they had goin’ for them. Patriso lawyers got rid of any evidence – they got rid’a the gun, and the car, and they got witnesses to prove that Vinnie had been at a party with them all night. I was an unreliable witness, that’s what they said. My dad was a cop, and I was a teenage runaway mobster who’d never gone to high school.” He cocked his head to one side, considering. “I got outta Tanglewood. There’re two dates on my tat. I went back to high school for a year an’ scared the shit outta everyone. I went to college and got my degree, played in the minors until Curly and Phil caught me after a game and broke my wrist. Went to the Academy. Did a stint on Patrol, then came to CSU. It never came up.”
“Danny –” Aiden said again.
“Sonny’s fault,” Danny said softly. “It never woulda come up if he hadn’t killed a guy. Mac worked the case. Remember? Curly got pissed off because I didn’t do a damn thing to get him off.”
“Jesus Christ, Danny.”
Danny gnawed fiercely on his lower lip, tasting blood beneath his teeth. He looked at her after a minute, pulling his glasses off to rub at them with the sleeve of his shirt. “You wanna know why Curly came after me? That’s why. Because he couldn’t get over the fact I never did a damn thing to get Sonny off, or maybe because I testified against Vinnie twelve years ago. ‘Cause he can’t quite get it through his fucking head I’m not Mafia like he is. You never forgive, and you never forget.” He slid his glasses back on. “Or maybe I am.”
Aiden grabbed at his shirt collar again, dragging him in close so that they were eye to eye. “Fuck, Danny. You’re a cop. You’re NYPD. Get that through your head.” Her breath rasped against his face. “It don’t give a fuck about who you were before you came to the Academy, because after that you’re NYPD. You’re the police and you gotta get your shit together, Danny.”
He thought, vaguely, like a soft whisp of cool air in the desert, that she wasn’t really one to talk, because wasn’t she the one holding the gun when he came in? Wasn’t she –
His fault. His fault, and none of this never would have happened if he hadn’t been Tanglewood’s Dannyboy once upon a time. Not the bright terror in Aiden’s eyes, not Flack screaming himself awake five nights out of seven. He hadn’t gone back to his old apartment, but he hadn’t gone looking for another one either, still sleeping on Danny’s couch – if you can call that sleeping. He’d almost started turning into Mac, without the wedding ring and the Chicago accent. He got far too drunk most nights, and it was all Danny could do to haul him out of a cab and up to his apartment, if he bothered to go out at all. Danny wasn’t sure if he preferred over-caffeinated, sleepless Flack or hung-over, half-inebriated, cranky Flack. He’d rather have the old Flack back, but that wasn’t an option. Not unless he could erase the last month.
“Aiden,” he said, voice cracking. “I’m not – I shouldn’t –”
She shook him fiercely, half-choking him. “It – doesn’t – matter,” she bit out. “Nobody –” except Mac “– gives a shit about what you were before you came to the Lab. You’re NYPD now. It wasn’t your fault, it was Curly Sassone’s fault.”
Danny gave a short hard laugh, almost a bark. “It’d be nice if I could believe that.”
“I believe that. Is that enough?”
Not nearly. “Why?” he whispered. “Why do you even care?”
Aiden stared at him like he’d shot a child. “You’re my friend,” she said. “My partner.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 12:20 am (UTC)Aiden stared at him like he'd shot a child.
That's...absolutely, ruthlessly, drivingly effective. <3 And Danny...Danny and his fierce, gulping confession, and Aiden...I can see her, disbelief and hurt and wanting to make it right as much as Danny does but different. But the same. Friend, partner, like she says.
Egad. <3.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 12:43 am (UTC)And Danny...Danny and his fierce, gulping confession, and Aiden...I can see her, disbelief and hurt and wanting to make it right as much as Danny does but different. But the same. Friend, partner, like she says.
I see Danny saying this with his head cocked to the side, not really seeing anything, with a kind of bewildered curiousity mixed with memory on his face. Like he can't really believe this was him, years ago. He can't even believe he's saying it, telling his secrets, but it's Aiden. He can trust her with his life.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 01:00 am (UTC)Right. She definitely expected something bad. She was bracing herself for bad, but it's...it was a fairly clear-cut idea of *bad*. Like, something criminal. Something that was, in fact, *his* fault. And while he ran away, he was just...he wasn't even *stupid*, exactly, just charmed away. Fell in love, as fourteen year old boys can and will do, with power, with respect, with honor, with people older who seem to have all the answers.
Like he can't really believe this was him, years ago. He can't even believe he's saying it, telling his secrets, but it's Aiden. He can trust her with his life.
Exactly. He's as much bewildered by saying it as he is by the reality of it. And as much as he doesn't, consciously, seem to recognize it yet, he *does* trust her, and that he told her proves that.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 01:38 am (UTC)And it's not to say Danny didn't do bad things - he definitely did, and he had four years, at least, to do them in - the worst thing to happen to him or involve him wasn't his fault. It was out of his control. He says it himself: "That was the first time I saw someone die."
He's as much bewildered by saying it as he is by the reality of it. And as much as he doesn't, consciously, seem to recognize it yet, he *does* trust her, and that he told her proves that.
Part of it's share and share in turn, I suppose - Aiden told him her nightmare and it's - to some degree - Danny's fault, so - I think we're back to the "try and make everyone hate me" thing. Give her someone to blame, except he can't even really do that, because it's not his fault. Danny did the right thing, but he can't quite believe it.