(no subject)

[bedlamsbard]

Basically, I suck as a daughter and a granddaughter and possibly as a human being, incompetent and indecisive and emotional, and apparently unworthy of, I don't know, everything. And unqualified, because, oh wait! I can't even get a receptionist job because I have no experience! At anything! So any of my feelings to the contrary, I literally have no choice but to go to graduate school! Where at least, thank gods, I will be an ocean and a continent away from my parents and therefore not privy to hear about my failings day in and day out! Do I want to go? I don't know! I think so! On the other hand because I feel so pressured, my automatic reaction is to run in the opposite direction! Do I have a choice? No I do not! Am I allowed to take a couple days to recover from being really emotional about something failing to work? APPARENTLY NOT! Am I allowed to get upset? APPARENTLY NOT. Do my feelings matter? APPARENTLY NOT. Am I allowed to have feelings? APPARENTLY NOT. Am I allowed to not know things and be shocked by them? I am not! Where do I really want to be right now and next year? New Orleans! Where am I not going to be? New Orleans! What am I doing right now? Crying! And, once again, being unable to make the goddamn deposit.