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Jul. 3rd, 2013 06:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bedlamsbardI'm so annoyed with myself right now for my basic inability to read the English language or at least be capable of investigating a little further instead of taking everything I see at face value.
It's not as dire as it sounds, I'm just really angry with myself. So my housing contract runs out on 21 July, and I'd e-mailed to find out if it was possible to extend that since, you know, most of the people who live in this building are graduate students and our programs go into September. Except I e-mailed the day before I flew home (this is a month ago, by the way) and by the time I got home I was too wrung out and exhausted and relieved to even look at my uni e-mail for a few days. (Trans-Atlantic and trans-continental travel is very tiring.) So by the time I checked my e-mail, I just glanced at the webpage to ascertain that yeah, I could get vacation housing, and then I made the critical mistake of reading "Residents who have 30/39 week contracts, may book accommodation from the 30th June 2013, all other residents may book from the 20th/21st July 2013" as "you cannot make a booking until 30 June or 21 July" instead of "the booking starts on 30 June or 21 July." (IDK, is this a U.S./UK phrasing difference thing?) I didn't click through to the details that would have told me that I'd read it wrong because I read it as, "hey, this information isn't actually available yet" (which is sort of what they said in the e-mail). I just assumed, okay, I can't do anything until the end of June, I'm just not going to think about it.
Which means that I missed the window to book to keep my current room, which was June 10.
I can still get vacation housing, that goes through to July 14, I just feel like a fucking idiot and I'm way more upset than this actually calls for, because I would have had to move all my stuff out of my room in September anyway, now I just have to do it a little earlier and to somewhere else in my apartment complex. And a month ago I didn't even know if I would be able to stay in Opal, I didn't know if I'd have to scramble to find somewhere else in Leicester to live over the summer or not. So it's not actually a big deal? But for some reason I'm really, really upset about this. (Like, crying and feeling stupid tears. I mean, that's standard for me, but still.)
*
I really need to e-mail my dissertation supervisor and tell him I'm back in town, should we meet or something? Ignoring the fact that I only started working on said dissertation this week and not at all over the past month because, as he knows, I was on vacation? And thus did not e-mail him. (I know, I'm an idiot, I'm don't have enough common sense to be in graduate school, I just...I don't know what to do. And I hate sending e-mails.)
*
I basically came back to England and started having mild panic attacks again. N. is moving back home once our housing contract is up, and since I don't have classes anymore, that means that for a month and a half there's a seriously good chance that I won't talk to anybody more than once a week, tops. And I am freaking out about the dissertation because I'm terrified it will go the same way my senior honors thesis did -- nowhere, and I'm still fucked up about that, I still have days where if I think about it too hard, I really do believe that I shouldn't have graduated because I couldn't write the damn thing. And I'm panicking about how I'm going to get all my stuff home (ship it, but how? I can't get it to a post office, do those international shipping services do pick-ups? They must, right?). And why I can't have a normal sleep schedule, or eat the right foods, or why I don't have any self-control when it comes to buying books, or why I can't take advantage of living in a country I have wanted to visit all my life and actually do tourist stuff, or why I don't have any friends here, or you know, etc., etc., and that's not counting the fandom stuff that makes me hyperventilate if I think about it too much. (Or at all.) Or what I'm going to do after I finish my MA. (If I finish my MA. I'm really freaked out about the what-ifs of not getting my diss done, because after what happened with my honors thesis, to my crazy brain that feels far more likely than actually finishing it.)
*
Anyway. I'm pretty upset for pretty irrational reasons. Which could probably be the title of my autobiography. (I'm easily upset. In case no one has figured that out yet. Or as my father once put it, "Don't be so damn sensitive, it's unpleasant," because heaven forbid my feelings be hurt, the fact that I'm visibly upset might make someone else feel uncomfortable. Sorry.)
It's not as dire as it sounds, I'm just really angry with myself. So my housing contract runs out on 21 July, and I'd e-mailed to find out if it was possible to extend that since, you know, most of the people who live in this building are graduate students and our programs go into September. Except I e-mailed the day before I flew home (this is a month ago, by the way) and by the time I got home I was too wrung out and exhausted and relieved to even look at my uni e-mail for a few days. (Trans-Atlantic and trans-continental travel is very tiring.) So by the time I checked my e-mail, I just glanced at the webpage to ascertain that yeah, I could get vacation housing, and then I made the critical mistake of reading "Residents who have 30/39 week contracts, may book accommodation from the 30th June 2013, all other residents may book from the 20th/21st July 2013" as "you cannot make a booking until 30 June or 21 July" instead of "the booking starts on 30 June or 21 July." (IDK, is this a U.S./UK phrasing difference thing?) I didn't click through to the details that would have told me that I'd read it wrong because I read it as, "hey, this information isn't actually available yet" (which is sort of what they said in the e-mail). I just assumed, okay, I can't do anything until the end of June, I'm just not going to think about it.
Which means that I missed the window to book to keep my current room, which was June 10.
I can still get vacation housing, that goes through to July 14, I just feel like a fucking idiot and I'm way more upset than this actually calls for, because I would have had to move all my stuff out of my room in September anyway, now I just have to do it a little earlier and to somewhere else in my apartment complex. And a month ago I didn't even know if I would be able to stay in Opal, I didn't know if I'd have to scramble to find somewhere else in Leicester to live over the summer or not. So it's not actually a big deal? But for some reason I'm really, really upset about this. (Like, crying and feeling stupid tears. I mean, that's standard for me, but still.)
*
I really need to e-mail my dissertation supervisor and tell him I'm back in town, should we meet or something? Ignoring the fact that I only started working on said dissertation this week and not at all over the past month because, as he knows, I was on vacation? And thus did not e-mail him. (I know, I'm an idiot, I'm don't have enough common sense to be in graduate school, I just...I don't know what to do. And I hate sending e-mails.)
*
I basically came back to England and started having mild panic attacks again. N. is moving back home once our housing contract is up, and since I don't have classes anymore, that means that for a month and a half there's a seriously good chance that I won't talk to anybody more than once a week, tops. And I am freaking out about the dissertation because I'm terrified it will go the same way my senior honors thesis did -- nowhere, and I'm still fucked up about that, I still have days where if I think about it too hard, I really do believe that I shouldn't have graduated because I couldn't write the damn thing. And I'm panicking about how I'm going to get all my stuff home (ship it, but how? I can't get it to a post office, do those international shipping services do pick-ups? They must, right?). And why I can't have a normal sleep schedule, or eat the right foods, or why I don't have any self-control when it comes to buying books, or why I can't take advantage of living in a country I have wanted to visit all my life and actually do tourist stuff, or why I don't have any friends here, or you know, etc., etc., and that's not counting the fandom stuff that makes me hyperventilate if I think about it too much. (Or at all.) Or what I'm going to do after I finish my MA. (If I finish my MA. I'm really freaked out about the what-ifs of not getting my diss done, because after what happened with my honors thesis, to my crazy brain that feels far more likely than actually finishing it.)
*
Anyway. I'm pretty upset for pretty irrational reasons. Which could probably be the title of my autobiography. (I'm easily upset. In case no one has figured that out yet. Or as my father once put it, "Don't be so damn sensitive, it's unpleasant," because heaven forbid my feelings be hurt, the fact that I'm visibly upset might make someone else feel uncomfortable. Sorry.)