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Jul. 17th, 2013 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bedlamsbardI am tired and I kind of hate everything, partially because I finally hit today's limit of People Being Wrong, So Wrong, on the internet, partially because I didn't get enough sleep last night, which means I'm going to get too much sleep tonight, which means I'm going to hate everything tomorrow, but possibly different things, partially because it's too hot and I miss living somewhere where I (this is important) actually had the wardrobe to cope with heat and was comfortable wearing what weather-appropriate clothes I have to, say, the library, which has air-conditioning.
Also I've been reading some fairly mediocre books the past few days, not counting my diss stuff, which I'm not reading enough of, so that doesn't help. I need to wade through my pile to find something that I'm fairly sure won't upset me or make me mock it -- I do have Enchanted Glass, which I've heard the audiobook of but haven't actually read. Maybe I should settle down with that, DWJ is always very soothing for me and I've got a pile of DWJ books because I really like the UK covers, I can't resist them when I see them in stores. (Okay, I have problems resisting books period, but you know what I mean. Those covers are GREAT.)
I feel like all I ever do on DW anymore is complain. I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm behind the times in fandom, that I'm racing to keep up that I'm not willing to join said race (I still post my ongoing WIP to DW/LJ and I barely read fic that's not on the AO3 anymore, god, what kind of hypocrite am I? One who doesn't feel like uploading a rough estimate of 500K to the AO3, I guess, and also still has control issues). I spend a lot of time on Tumblr these days (same name, I'm the same everywhere) and that's...weirdly exhausting, even if it's not my fandom. Man, I don't know how I'd react if it was my fandom -- the fandom I write in, not the fandoms I read in or the ones where I only keep up with the recaps or the ones where I think everyone is wrong, so wrong, so completely wrong, but man the art is pretty. And plus, you know, the general Tumblr atmosphere. IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING. Plus I worry about what I actually write, if I'm doing fandom wrong, even though the first rule of fandom is, like the first rule of Valdemar, There Is No One True Way. (And then I worry about how deep the scar Mercedes Lackey burned into my psyche is. Deep. Very deep. Mostly I liked it, though.)
I wish I could still knit. I mean, I probably could? But I'm afraid to try before I finish my dissertation (oh god please let me finish my dissertation, please let me start my dissertation), just in case it was the knitting and not the typing that triggered the tendonitis, and I obviously don't want to try writing a 15K dissertation plus the at least 20K of notes I'll probably type up on that. But I miss knitting. (I mean, I have my spindle here too, plus a fair amount of roving, but...I'm afraid, y'all. I hate this fear, that something I enjoy will hurt me, and I'm not willing to risk it against my diss.)
At least I don't actually have to move out of my room on Sunday, since I get to keep my room for vacation housing. (This is because mine is the block they're moving people into. I hope they don't move anyone into the empty rooms in my flat.)
I feel like, as usual, I kind of drift between being depressed and angry and not caring and caring too much. Surely there must be a state of zen calm somewhere in there?
Anyway, I feel kind of useless and once again I meant to be working on Dust, instead of writing about my feelings, ugh. In conclusion, here is a line from the current draft: He really hopes that Edmund wakes up soon, and when he does, that he has a plan. On the other hand, coming to the damn island in the first place had been his idea, so Elizar is not entirely sure that Edmund’s plans are actually any good.
Also I've been reading some fairly mediocre books the past few days, not counting my diss stuff, which I'm not reading enough of, so that doesn't help. I need to wade through my pile to find something that I'm fairly sure won't upset me or make me mock it -- I do have Enchanted Glass, which I've heard the audiobook of but haven't actually read. Maybe I should settle down with that, DWJ is always very soothing for me and I've got a pile of DWJ books because I really like the UK covers, I can't resist them when I see them in stores. (Okay, I have problems resisting books period, but you know what I mean. Those covers are GREAT.)
I feel like all I ever do on DW anymore is complain. I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm behind the times in fandom, that I'm racing to keep up that I'm not willing to join said race (I still post my ongoing WIP to DW/LJ and I barely read fic that's not on the AO3 anymore, god, what kind of hypocrite am I? One who doesn't feel like uploading a rough estimate of 500K to the AO3, I guess, and also still has control issues). I spend a lot of time on Tumblr these days (same name, I'm the same everywhere) and that's...weirdly exhausting, even if it's not my fandom. Man, I don't know how I'd react if it was my fandom -- the fandom I write in, not the fandoms I read in or the ones where I only keep up with the recaps or the ones where I think everyone is wrong, so wrong, so completely wrong, but man the art is pretty. And plus, you know, the general Tumblr atmosphere. IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING. Plus I worry about what I actually write, if I'm doing fandom wrong, even though the first rule of fandom is, like the first rule of Valdemar, There Is No One True Way. (And then I worry about how deep the scar Mercedes Lackey burned into my psyche is. Deep. Very deep. Mostly I liked it, though.)
I wish I could still knit. I mean, I probably could? But I'm afraid to try before I finish my dissertation (oh god please let me finish my dissertation, please let me start my dissertation), just in case it was the knitting and not the typing that triggered the tendonitis, and I obviously don't want to try writing a 15K dissertation plus the at least 20K of notes I'll probably type up on that. But I miss knitting. (I mean, I have my spindle here too, plus a fair amount of roving, but...I'm afraid, y'all. I hate this fear, that something I enjoy will hurt me, and I'm not willing to risk it against my diss.)
At least I don't actually have to move out of my room on Sunday, since I get to keep my room for vacation housing. (This is because mine is the block they're moving people into. I hope they don't move anyone into the empty rooms in my flat.)
I feel like, as usual, I kind of drift between being depressed and angry and not caring and caring too much. Surely there must be a state of zen calm somewhere in there?
Anyway, I feel kind of useless and once again I meant to be working on Dust, instead of writing about my feelings, ugh. In conclusion, here is a line from the current draft: He really hopes that Edmund wakes up soon, and when he does, that he has a plan. On the other hand, coming to the damn island in the first place had been his idea, so Elizar is not entirely sure that Edmund’s plans are actually any good.