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Oct. 25th, 2015 10:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bedlamsbardI am not sure if there's an actual difference between a breakdown and a meltdown, but I feel like I'm having the latter in a really ugly, messy kind of way. Um, I mentioned the weight loss the other day? Because a bunch of things happened at once, starting a few weeks ago, and I can only cope with about two things at a time. And none of them have really improved greatly since then.
And then today the power in my apartment went out and I pretty much lost it. (It went out for the first time at about 6 something; I woke up at 7 something, panicked hard and cancelled my exam review, but Entergy said it would be back at ten so I just stayed in bed; it came back, I got up, I was making breakfast and talking to people online and it went off again, Entergy said it would be back at five, I panicked some more, I went to campus, then Entergy said it would be back at ten.) I ended up on campus, which still had power, but I also kind of panicked and forgot the bag I had packed with my schoolwork and a sweatshirt in it, so I couldn't. actually. do anything. I had my flashdrive, but I was too upset to write. Well, at least I got last week's grades uploaded. I ended up having a very messy, very public crying fit in the LBC to my mother, and crying on Twitter at bothaella_irene and ![[tumblr.com profile]](https://www.tumblr.com/favicon.ico)
xenadd for most of the day, both of whom are saints for not telling me to suck it up and get it together, and for talking me through my several hours long...whatever. Breakdown. Meltdown.
I am back at my apartment now, after eight or nine hours on campus -- where at least I made myself eat food -- and the power is back on, but god, I am so paranoid it will go out again, and I didn't get my work done for tomorrow, and I'm not sure I can bear going to my first class tomorrow, but we'll see. Today was supposed to be a nice, relaxing Sunday; I had everything scheduled out and then literally none of it happened, since I also panicked and cancelled the exam review I was supposed to hold and now I have to reschedule it.
And I am just...I am so completely keyed up and paranoid and it's going to take me weeks to get me to the point where I'm not going to assume the electricity is going to fail at any minute now. This semester feels like it's been worse than any of the others because so much is happening at once, from all angles (academic, fannish from three different ends, personal, family, random act of god shit like today), and I'm just completely out of cope. And I never had much cope anyway, though my way to get through it is to just bull forward and hope I don't shatter. This...is not exactly a great method.
On the bright side, I did get my tickets for Star Wars Celebration in London next year (Friday and Sunday; Saturday and the three-day passes have been sold out for a while), so there's that to look forward to.
And then today the power in my apartment went out and I pretty much lost it. (It went out for the first time at about 6 something; I woke up at 7 something, panicked hard and cancelled my exam review, but Entergy said it would be back at ten so I just stayed in bed; it came back, I got up, I was making breakfast and talking to people online and it went off again, Entergy said it would be back at five, I panicked some more, I went to campus, then Entergy said it would be back at ten.) I ended up on campus, which still had power, but I also kind of panicked and forgot the bag I had packed with my schoolwork and a sweatshirt in it, so I couldn't. actually. do anything. I had my flashdrive, but I was too upset to write. Well, at least I got last week's grades uploaded. I ended up having a very messy, very public crying fit in the LBC to my mother, and crying on Twitter at both
aella_irene and I am back at my apartment now, after eight or nine hours on campus -- where at least I made myself eat food -- and the power is back on, but god, I am so paranoid it will go out again, and I didn't get my work done for tomorrow, and I'm not sure I can bear going to my first class tomorrow, but we'll see. Today was supposed to be a nice, relaxing Sunday; I had everything scheduled out and then literally none of it happened, since I also panicked and cancelled the exam review I was supposed to hold and now I have to reschedule it.
And I am just...I am so completely keyed up and paranoid and it's going to take me weeks to get me to the point where I'm not going to assume the electricity is going to fail at any minute now. This semester feels like it's been worse than any of the others because so much is happening at once, from all angles (academic, fannish from three different ends, personal, family, random act of god shit like today), and I'm just completely out of cope. And I never had much cope anyway, though my way to get through it is to just bull forward and hope I don't shatter. This...is not exactly a great method.
On the bright side, I did get my tickets for Star Wars Celebration in London next year (Friday and Sunday; Saturday and the three-day passes have been sold out for a while), so there's that to look forward to.