(no subject)
Sep. 4th, 2020 02:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bedlamsbardthat's PhD CANDIDATE Bedlamsbard now
Had my prospectus defense yesterday via Zoom, which was grueling -- it went almost three hours and in one case, this was the first time I'd actually met one of my committee members. (I'd e-mailed briefly with her before but have never met her in person because she's new to the department this year. What a year to join, right?) My program is a bit odd in that we don't do a dissertation defense or viva, just a prospectus defense, so a lot of emphasis gets put on that. The good thing about doing it via Zoom is that my mother was able to come, and a couple of fandom friends (who volunteered, I did not go "listen to three hours of Roman history or die").
I think I didn't expect that sense of thwarted adrenaline after we finished and logged off? Normally with a defense it's in person and your cohort and caucus mates all come if they can, and then afterwards you go out for drinks and dinner to celebrate. Obviously that wasn't an option this year. Zoom closed down and I was just...sitting at my dining table, the same place I spend 90% of my waking hours, with all of this adrenaline from just having done this. I couldn't even take myself out for dinner/drinks, which is what I'd normally do for wrapping up something big. (I mean, I could have done, obviously, my favorite local restaurants are open and have outdoor seating, but also...no, I think doing that by myself would have just been really depressing in a way that it isn't under, you know, normal circumstances.) Went for a walk, had a Zoom call with the friends who had come to the defense, one of whom ordered delivery for me (<333333), and that helped a lot with the adrenaline. I hadn't been expecting that sense of "wait, what NOW?" though and that really threw me.
but hey! I'm a PhD candidate now! I get to keep my funding (which actually went up slightly this fall)! and I can relax for a bit and do some less time-sensitive research/reading. I would love to be on an actual vacation right now -- this weekend is supposed to be Dragon Con, last weekend was supposed to be Star Wars Celebration and Disneyland, I had vague plans for Walt Disney World later in September, but instead I just get to sit in this house, like I've been since March.
Had my prospectus defense yesterday via Zoom, which was grueling -- it went almost three hours and in one case, this was the first time I'd actually met one of my committee members. (I'd e-mailed briefly with her before but have never met her in person because she's new to the department this year. What a year to join, right?) My program is a bit odd in that we don't do a dissertation defense or viva, just a prospectus defense, so a lot of emphasis gets put on that. The good thing about doing it via Zoom is that my mother was able to come, and a couple of fandom friends (who volunteered, I did not go "listen to three hours of Roman history or die").
I think I didn't expect that sense of thwarted adrenaline after we finished and logged off? Normally with a defense it's in person and your cohort and caucus mates all come if they can, and then afterwards you go out for drinks and dinner to celebrate. Obviously that wasn't an option this year. Zoom closed down and I was just...sitting at my dining table, the same place I spend 90% of my waking hours, with all of this adrenaline from just having done this. I couldn't even take myself out for dinner/drinks, which is what I'd normally do for wrapping up something big. (I mean, I could have done, obviously, my favorite local restaurants are open and have outdoor seating, but also...no, I think doing that by myself would have just been really depressing in a way that it isn't under, you know, normal circumstances.) Went for a walk, had a Zoom call with the friends who had come to the defense, one of whom ordered delivery for me (<333333), and that helped a lot with the adrenaline. I hadn't been expecting that sense of "wait, what NOW?" though and that really threw me.
but hey! I'm a PhD candidate now! I get to keep my funding (which actually went up slightly this fall)! and I can relax for a bit and do some less time-sensitive research/reading. I would love to be on an actual vacation right now -- this weekend is supposed to be Dragon Con, last weekend was supposed to be Star Wars Celebration and Disneyland, I had vague plans for Walt Disney World later in September, but instead I just get to sit in this house, like I've been since March.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-04 07:48 pm (UTC)I can relate to the thwarted adrenaline. I finished a big presentation and closed Zoom and... yeah. Everything was as it had been, like I'd just stepped over to a parallel universe for a couple of hours and was now back. I'd spent a week stressing out about it and I'd promised myself a stiff drink afterward and didn't even bother.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 12:55 am (UTC)It really was weird, because I hadn't anticipated it -- I mean, I've been having Zoom classes and Zoom meetings and Zoom hangouts with friends since March, but then it was just, like, a lot of weird energy. (Especially because someone else shut down the Zoom meeting rather than me leaving on my own, so it was very much like being booted out!)
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 12:40 am (UTC)Oh yeah, thwarted adrenaline is weird. I found out my picky-ass prof passed my eportfolio in the middle of my third day of work, so even my victory dance had to be subdued.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 12:57 am (UTC)Thwarted adrenaline is just...so weird, especially when it sneaks up on you. Sigh.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 06:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 02:05 am (UTC)'Grats, Doctor-elect Bedlam!
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-07 08:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 06:41 am (UTC)I was so full of nervous energy after mine (it was in the morning) that even after going out to lunch with some friends I was so hyped up I went to the grad library and started piling books into bags to take back to the library. I can't imagine what I'd have done with all that after a Zoom defense.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-07 08:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 06:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-07 08:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 11:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-07 08:11 pm (UTC)yeah, we're a little odd -- as I understand it, part of the reason is that the department thinks that it's better for students and professors to have the defense going into a project rather than coming out of it, so that we get to have all of that in mind moving forward with it.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 08:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-07 08:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-05 11:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-07 08:12 pm (UTC)