nononononono

[bedlamsbard]

Okay, no, Bedlam, no. Bad Bedlam.

I don't care if it would be cool, you are not writing post-Last Battle stories where Susan stopped aging when she reached her last Queen Susan age and sixty years later is now an American (because she left England after that train accident, of course) top-secret FBI agent in, like, the paranormal affairs bureau when all of a sudden she gets a "ransom" note from some bad guy types who have resurrected Peter and want them to find a way to Narnia so they could exploit it. No, no, no. "Because it would be cool" is not a valid excuse. Crack after-the-books stories count as AUs and you are not writing either one in this fandom.

I don't even care if she goes over her superiors' heads and rescues bleary, drugged, twenty-three-year-old Peter all by herself, then realizes that she's being tailed by another agent, a hot young thing who wants to know if those rumors about her are true and also (of course) has the hots for her. And then they all kick ass.

NO NO NO. There is crack, and then there is crack. Peter Pevensie/Christopher Chant is not crack. Eomer/Susan and Lucy/Eowyn and Peter/Legolas is not crack. THIS IS CRACK.

Even if it's not strictly an AU.

Comments

[limmenel.livejournal.com]

Whatever, I would TOTALLY read that!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

CRACK! Crackcrackcrack! This is my serious fandom! (Ha, as if.)

[limmenel.livejournal.com]

I should get into Narnia as a fandom, but I'm just so overloaded right now that I don't have time.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

*eyes you with concern*

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Don't worry: this is the fandom where I will not write crack. Seriously. No, really.

[ghostrunner7.livejournal.com]

Do it, do it, do it!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

But my brain! My sanity! My reputation!

[ghostrunner7.livejournal.com]

Your reputation as an enabler? I think it's safe no matter what you do. But you should do this anyway, just to ensure it.

[lassiterfics.livejournal.com]

I read until 'paranormal affairs bureau' and OMG AU WHERE SCULLY GETS NEW PARTNER AGENT PEVENSIE. They're both grounded and practical, except Agent Pevensie knows this shit is real. Well, the magic stuff. She's less sure about aliens. They can try to outbanter each other, and then Agent Pevensie seduces her. CYNICAL AGENTSEX ENSUES. They also raise their eyebrow at each other a lot.

Is Peter pissed he's been pulled from heaven, or just relieved to see Susan? Imagine feeling tired and hot and hungry again after years of being in Stepford Aslan's Country. What if Peter starts taking copious amounts of drugs to start feeling like he's in Aslan's Country again? OMG IMAGINE HIS BAD ACID TRIP

What if this whole affair galvanizes Susan to search for a way into Narnia herself?
"You can't."
"What do you mean I can't?!" 'Cos like, she's been denied all these years, so she is extra indignant.
"Aslan destroyed it. There is nothing left."

OMG

*ENABLES ENABLES ENABLES*

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

You know, I've only ever seen like one and a half episodes of the X-Files. On the other hand, Susan could be a part of the Initiative! Susan/Buffy! ...wow, crack indeed.

I don't think he feels like he's been in Aslan's country for years -- and I have such a poor opinion of Aslan's country anyway (which is, uh, why I probably should not write this), that I think it'd be like waking up for him. He remembers it -- but very, very vaguely. Plus,, you know, drugged and groggy for at least fifty pages.

I am just amused at Susan's partner, who's one of those cocky guys who thinks he's all that and would love to get into her pants. He's just all, "So, Pevensie, who is this guy?"

"My brother."
"Your...younger brother, right?"
"No, he's a year older than me."
"...so, uh, are those rumors true? You know, the ones that say you're...not all human?"
"Oh, I'm definitely human." *cough*daughterofeve*cough*
"So, uh..."
"I was born in 1926."
"...you look pretty good for your age."
"Thank you."

And then Peter/partner banter (at this point, Peter's totally still drugged up): "Let me get this straight: we're in America, you haven't aged, it's the year 2008, and I've just been raised from the dead?"
Susan: "That's about it, yes."
Peter: "Okay."
Partner: "You seem pretty blase about this."
Peter: "Well, when I was fifteen I became the High King of a magical country in the back of a wardrobe and then got de-aged fifteen years later, and a year later went back and found out thirteen hundred years had passed and I had to go fight a war again, so this...is pretty much an average day for me."

*snickers*

[lassiterfics.livejournal.com]

How you are with X-Files, I am with Buffy. EH. But I was ever really on board for the monster of the week and Mulder/Scully UST though, I didn't have enough patience for the seasons-long paranoiafest of the ultimate conspiracy. Kind of wish I did. But it's SO LONG and there's SO MUCH OF IT.

Oh so do I! Am weirded out by Stepford Country, that is. And we are not the only ones! I love fic in which Aslan's Country is weird and creepy and cruel between the lines. (I just wrote one.)

PETER. Is there nothing you can do?! HOW ABOUT ADJUSTING TO THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY. HILARITY (and maybe some angst, just for kicks) ENSUES. What about the openness of queer culture, especially since your Peter sleeps with men? I want to see the scene where Susan teaches Peter to use a gun. Well, he may know already. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.

[cupiscent.livejournal.com]

BUT IT WOULD BE COOL!

Although since I am, like, up to my bottom lip in incest headspace at the moment, I went to a very x-rated place after rescues bleary, drugged, twenty-three-year-old Peter all by herself. *G*

On a non-incestual note, I want this Susan to be best friends with Jakita Wagner SO FUCKING MUCH. Words can't even encompass, yo.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

BUT IT WOULD BE CRACK! (Yeah, Bedlam, like that's ever stopped you before. The only good thing about this is that no one in Narnia fandom knows about the sheer crack I wrote back when I was in CSI:NY.)

Okay, I just went to a very x-rated place. *grin*

[swift-tales.livejournal.com]

Because it would be cool.

Also.... BECAUSE IT WOULD BE COOL

And totally awesome ^^

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Crack! It would be sheer and unadulterated crack! (But possibly really cool crack.)

[fubarite.livejournal.com]

I APPROVE OF THE CRACK.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

But...but...my reputation! And the crack! And there is in fact actually a point in which I hesitate to write ten million original characters!

[westingturtle.livejournal.com]

You really really should. And hey, it's not like you haven't done Eomer/Susan already

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Yes, but the Eomer/Susan was, like, totally serious. *wide eyes*

[snacky]

Of course, it totally could be an XF crossover. It's begging to be written! :D

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Yes, but I have only ever seen one and a half episodes of X-Files! *considers* It could be a Stargate crossover. Or a Supernatural crossover...oh, man, Dean/Susan.

[sgriobadh.livejournal.com]

Write eeet!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Crack! Sheer crack!

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

BTW, where is the Faramir/Edmund not-crack? Imrahil/Edmund? Beregond/Edmund? Hell, I'd even take Gimli/Edmund,because it would be different and interesting. Equal time for the Just King! *pickets* \o/

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

My Edmund is straight! Mostly straight, anyway.

Edmund/Arwen? Edmund/Galadrial? Edmund/Eowyn/Lucy?