*squints*

[bedlamsbard]

The story I am writing is not the story I meant to write. I am distracted from the glory of the flowering of Narnia by Peter and Edmund bickering with each other. I mean, amusing as this is

("I only blame you every other time Narnia wakes me up in the middle of the night screaming that you’ve fallen down a well.”

“I have never – oh, that does not count.”

“It was a hole in the ground with water at the bottom, and you were down it. Narnia thought you were dying.”

“It was not a well, I was not dying, Narnia knows when I’m dying, unlike some people here who I won’t name –”

“Oh, I beg to differ, Narnia cannot tell when you’re actually dying and when you’re just being attacked by giant poisonous spiders. I know. She wakes me up for both instances.”)

not really the tone I want for the story. (I put the following exchange up because I'm pretty sure it's getting cut.) Beautiful doomed glory of the Golden Age here, not Peter and Edmund bitching about who's been licking the poison darts. (And whoever gets that fic/fandom reference gets a puppy. Or, you know, fic. I don't think it's that obscure, but what do I know?)

On the other hand, I now know that once, Edmund accidentally got thrown back in time to Narnia during the White Witch's reign, in the depth of the Long Winter. Not a fun trip.

Comments

[mentalhygiene.livejournal.com]

I'm picturing the above as literally, Narnia, as in, the world, not the people, and it's ... unnerving.

Trees knocking at the window. Aslan in the brain.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Oh, but it is. My Narnia is sentient, and has a, ah, spiritual presence, so to speak. In Peter's head, mostly.

(Look, I said I wasn't writing AUs in this fandom, not crack.)

[mentalhygiene.livejournal.com]

Oooh, see, yes, this makes sense. I mean.

It's Narnia. Of course it talks to its rulers. :)

(this sort of makes more sense than "Narnia" as in "panicky citizens" coming to yell at Edmund that OH HAI LITTLE TIMMY YOUR BROTHER IS DOWN A WELL.)

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

She talks to her rulers, and by "talk", we mean, "gives Peter a headache."

[mentalhygiene.livejournal.com]

Since we're in a fandom with SpyTrees, I don't think Narnia talking to her rulers really qualifies as "crack" per se.

She would, too. Probably like God in Dogma accidentally making heads explode.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

That's because you haven't heard the rest of the story. *smirk*

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

:snerk: sounds like what I imagine it's like for actual psychic characters wandering around historical places : 'If Shakespeare would bloody well stop going on about last night;s football, and Mary Queen of Scots would stop whining about how she has the worst luck with men OMG, we would all get along JUST FINE and my migraleve prescription would be so much less.'

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

THERE IS NO CRACK IN GENRE FICTION!

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Do NOT tempt me into writing genderswitch, because...uh, well, I won't do it, but I will taunt you with it. In comments. Little snippets of Petra (Peta? Petronella? Peri? Female versions of "Peter" are kind of not what I'm going for here) throwing Caspian up against walls, and...actually, that just ends in sex, and then I lose my train of thought.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

Genderswitch is not crack! It's the breaking of-indeed, *defiance of*-stereotypical gender roles. Just because we get to enjoy a little domme action with our political defiance is no reason for you to not let Caspian get his ass thrown against walls like he deserves...he's been a bad, bad princeling, he has. *helpfully removes another few feet of track*

I can find redeeming qualities in anything, because there is no crack in genre fiction! *flourishes*

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

You only say this because you were never in the fandom with the ass-ducklings. (Although, terrifyingly enough, it was actually a well-written fic. Just...ass-ducklings.)

(Oh, Peta and Caspian's first meeting in the forest. He almost drops his sword when he realizes it's a girl he's fighting, and Peta barely keeps from killing him when he stops. "Peta!" Susan shouts, and Caspian echoes, "Peta?" staring wildly back and forth between the lion-maned Valkyrie standing in front of him with the sword at his throat and the three strangers and one dwarf appearing out of the forest.

"High...Queen Peta?" he whispers.

"Prince Caspian?" she returns, eyebrows arching upwards, and Caspian can read the look on her face when he nods: you're what we get? She lowers her sword and sheathes it. "I believe you called?")

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

Already in that brief snippet you're exploring the inherent misogyny in the chivalric code of behavior; that women *can* control their own desire for violence despite menstruation (because hey-she pulled her strike, right? Because Susan implied she should-and so you can add bonding and trust between a literal and figurative sisterhood!). AND she's the leader of the group, so "strong role model"...confident in her abilities, too.

See, this is TOTALLY. NOT. CRACK.

*pays the mortgage on mansion in the Land of Denial*



Now, all you need to do is add in some "pushing him up against a tree for hot sex with his hands tied", for that implied bdsm sex role reversal and you'd win on ALL fronts.


*winks*

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Well, I know that. Oh, poor Edmund, he's the only boy! And yet he's totally Peta's second-in-command.

Can you just imagine how the duel would go?

Wait, Caspian wouldn't dare suggest the duel. Caspian's a Telmarine, and Telmarine women don't even inherit. Peta would probably be even more aggressive than Peter is, too, to make up for being female, and she doesn't have the advantage of armlength and weight than he does, so she'd be a hell of a lot faster -- er, where was I going with this? Peta would be the one to suggest the duel, like Peter does in the books. UNLESS Cornelius wants her out of the way, and then he'll suggest the duel, and Caspian will go, "No! Wait! You can't! He'll kill you!" which is, like, an invitation to Peta. And then Miraz totally underestimates her and Peta kicks his ass.

Wait. That happens anyway.

*cough*

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

Edmund belongs to Peter-or Peta-however the parts are shaped. I suspect *his* reactions to crazyass!Peta are exactly the same as they are to crazyass!Peter. *laughs*


Well, in your Caspian conspiracy theory re:the duel, didn't you say something about him thinking of Susan as a potential bride, to cement his hold on Old Narnia? Wouldn't he think of Peta that way...er, until she ate his liver or something? *laughs*

The "not allowing her to fight the duel" tactic sounds like the one sure way to get her to bust ass *to* fight it. (I would!)

Miraz would be too busy ogling her breasts to pay proper attention to his bladework, until she GUTS HIM. None of this offering him to Caspian to kill-as Edmund says, it's no time for chivalry or for idiocy, either (so shut up and look pretty, Caspian, let the grown-ups handle it).


...so you're not AUing this verse, huh?

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

...tell me you haven't set foot in Stargate atlantis. You don't know crack until you've been in that fandom.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

I've toddled along the edges, exploring. My first thought was "Where's all the tentacle porn? What the hell is the use of all this advanced alien technology if there's no tentacle porn?!" *grins*


But then I *have* been accused of being batshit.*eyes ineptshieldmaid*


I still maintain that there is NO crack in genre fiction-only reasonable explorations of alternate uses of things and thorough research of tropes that touch us all on a basic, human level. That is the ONLY reason I instigated that discussion of what Narnians would realistically use for medievalesque lube. *coughs*

Jump on the bandwagon, maybe we can convice bedlam to write us some if she thinks the crack ain't really crack. *clings to the hope*

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

There is totally tentacle porn in SGA. There are multiple kinds of tentacle porn.

And nobody's even mentioned the ass-ducklings here.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

gender-bending, restaurants at war, the FBI one... SGA is fucking disturbing in that everyone actually keeps character even when you change their species, time period, or make them re-enact Oceans' Eleven.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

There are multiple fics where one or more of the characters are elves. And they make sense!

Hell, this is the one fandom I've ever seen where the characters work in anything. (Hello, Princess Sheppardina!)

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

This season? canon tentacle porn. Beat that.

...Admittedly Torchwood still has it trumped for characters who are canonically into tentacle porn, and mpreg.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

Mpreg, pooh! *sniffs disdainfully*

I come originally from HP, where mrpeg is RIFE (and gawdawful, too), so *that's* no enticement to dally with a new fandom.


Tentacle porn, now...and canon...? This is intriguing. Hmmm....

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Yeah, HP rots brains. *sigh* This explains so much about how I think. (I was twelve, or maybe eleven, when I got into fandom. It was HP. I'm eighteen now. YEAH.)

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, SGA. And the sad thing is, in that fandom the crack has stopped being crack. They're like, "Rentboy AU? Sure! Ass-duckling? Sure! Unicorns? Sure! Penguins? Been there, done that, but hey, once more with feeling!"

And I'm nnot even kidding. (I love SGA, by the way.)

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

have you seen the one where they're ice cubes? Ice cubes. In character McShep. Just... ice cubes. I just loved that we all sat there and told the writer 'pass your husband more sugar and mind-bending drugs, we fully approve of this'.

I think the penguins started it, being introduced and adopted as an idea near the start.

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

I have not seen that one, but I have seen the one where they are Girl Scout cookies!