am not responding to replies on the other post, as she has the link to it

[bedlamsbard]

*bites lip* And now I feel like I may have actually made things worse, as Chicago has decided she is overreacting, despite the fact that she asked me to ask the Internet.

The thing I don't get is that Chicago is (a) a gender and sexuality studies major and (b) was on the rape crisis hotline last year and (c) has been involved in the Vagina Monologues for two years and (d) is on Student Conduct Board and (e) if it was me or someone else in the suite, I'm pretty sure she'd be telling me the exact same thing I am telling her. I just -- GAH. This has been going on and off all year; when they were actually dating I was pretty sure this was a bad idea and she was going to end up raped and murdered. And they've, like -- they haven't actually interacted much in person, from what I know. They have met a couple of times, but most of what's gone on has been via text, and just --

I feel like if she took this to any of the GESS professors or advisors at Tulane (and we know all of them), they would be just as worried. And I honestly can't believe -- well, I can, but -- that she's more worried about her parents finding out than she is about getting hurt.

I don't know, maybe I am freaking out more than I should, but -- I don't think I am. I mean -- I really don't want her to get hurt, and horrible stuff happens to women all the time, and just -- argh, some of the things she's said re: the Joe problem, and "Oh, if I text him to fuck off, then the police will think I deserved it, so I'm going to keep being polite and hope he gets the message" and --

This is not on. This is not right. I don't -- I don't know what to do.

She thinks she can't call a hotline or a help group because "it's not real domestic violence" and "they're too busy."

AT&T also said that she can't block his number without paying extra or getting a new phone number, and for either of those she has to tell her parents. Going to the police in her hometown will end in her parents being told, apparently, because it's one of those towns where everyone knows each other. She says it's not important because she's not in Chicago/Hometown (DuPage County) very much anyway. (And she's going abroad next year.)

And now the rest of the suite also thinks I'm overreacting.

Comments

[cofax7]

ex-felon, [with] a baby daughter he never sees and an alcohol problem and a drug addiction, who is harrassing and/or stalking your friend.

"Over-reacting" might be buying a gun and never leaving the house.

Getting a new phone number or blocking his texts is not over-reacting to someone who is a felon with addiction issues and has clearly indicated he's obsessed with her. If he's sending her texts, he's probably also driving past your dorm/apartment and following her when he can.

Seriously: The Gift of Fear. Get her a copy.

There is no shame in taking care of your own safety, and she might want to consider that she's also putting you and your suitemates at risk by her refusal to take action. (My sophomore year in college, a stalker showed up and took the object of his obsession and her roommate hostage before shooting and killing them both.)

[bedlamsbard]

Oh, gods. I am -- very glad that he does not have a car and is in Illinois while we are in Louisiana. Except she's going back to Illinois. She says he doesn't know where she lives, but -- argh.

And the thing is, he must have timed this deliberately, because he always starts up with the texting again right before or during our vacations, and he's left her alone after a strongly-worded spring break text (she wasn't in Chicago over spring break), but it's finals time, which means we're all going home sometime in the next week and a half, and he sent her seven texts in two hours.

And I have been reacting badly to this since she came back from summer break with, "I'm sort of in a relationship! We've only met once in person! He slept with my friend; they met through AA! He has a kid!" so she is less likely to take me seriously than anyone else. (She's also seriously worried I'm going to tell her dad; he comes in tomorrow.)

[azurelunatic]

Do you have the phone number he's texting from, and if so, if you're upset about this enough to risk your relationship with her, do you think that telling her dad that she keeps getting harassing texts from this number, and in order to block that number, someone with access to the phone plan needs to get involved in it?

It's not necessarily something I'm recommending you do, but pointing out that it is an option.