oh my god, world, WHY SO CRUEL?

Clearly the gods don't want me to have straight teeth. See, about three weeks ago I had one of my horrible hacking colds, where I spend twenty out of every twenty-four hours hacking up one or both lungs or other various useful internal organs, and I stopped wearing my retainer for the time being because, hello, COULDN'T BREATHE and it was extremely painful and awkward around all the coughing. And I like straight teeth and I like breathing but I like the breathing thing a little more, you know? Well, the cold is mostly gone, I haven't hacked up any more internal organs in the better part of a week, and now my retainer no longer fits.

They should have just put in the goddamn permanent retainer, is all I'm saying, and I have no idea how to break this news to my mother, because, for those who weren't here during the Big Braces Drama of 07-08, this is the third time I've had braces. (They didn't put in the permanent retainer because my teeth weren't actually straight when they took the braces off; they had to take them off early because hi, I'm going to college two thousand miles from home; I can't exactly drop in for regular check-ups. I said put in the permanent retainer, they said, "No, it wouldn't be good!" Clearly they were wrong.)

Look, it's a law of physics that two objects cannot occupy the same physical space at the same time, and clearly at this point if the Orthodontic Powers That Be want me to have straight teeth, they're going to have to take out a tooth, because there's no way in hell my teeth are going to be straight otherwise. No way in hell. On both top and bottom teeth.

You have no idea how incredibly frustrated this makes me, because I swear to God, I wouldn't have stopped wearing the retainer if I didn't think it was necessary, and I couldn't breathe. Which I've heard is real useful. Also, I am going to have to break this to my mother over the phone, which at least will preclude her yelling at me in person for a few days.

SPEAKING OF WHICH. In less dire and more amusing WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME.

Ellensburg has finally had snow! Which, well, not so much with the yay, because I fled Washington to get away from snow. But it led to the following conversation with my mother.

HER: You should dress warmly when you fly back, it's pretty cold here.
ME: How cold is "pretty cold"?
HER: It's about thirty right now.
ME: Oh my God, that's so cold --
HER: But on Wednesday (the day I fly back) it's supposed to be around negative three, negative two.
ME: OH MY GOD THAT'S SO COLD NEXT YEAR YOU COME HERE FOR CHRISTMAS. I mean, I am at a point where "below fifty" is cold!
HER: You might want to wear layers when you fly back. Since you don't have any winter clothing.
ME: BECAUSE I AM IN A TROPICAL CLIMATE.

what is this madness!

In a moment of epic OHMYGOD:

The Ocean's 11 AU lassiterfics and I have been commentficcing, which has now just turned into an occasional O11 crossover with the Susan/Tess and Edmund/Rusty, and stars our darling Pevensies as a family of incestuous con artists, now has plot, backstory (going back to their teens before they ran away! back when Peter was a juvenile delinquent, Susan wasn't, Edmund was kind of a nerd and on the cross-country team, and Lucy was a cheerleader), sex, the Mafia, Narnians from every corner of the Narnia-globe, and, uh...

An incredible amount of wordcount. Like, a seriously incredible amount. Like, 30K worth of incredible.

Also, this wordle pretty much sums it up:

(no subject)

Hi, Peta! Glad to see you back again!

Right after I switched out my Peta icon, of course. *flaps hands*

Wow, she's even less functional in England than Peter. She was definitely worse off pre-Narnia than Peter was.

*prods carefully* I still have high hopes of finishing part one of Be Like Water before the New Year. Although by high hopes I probably mean something along the lines of "delusions."

(no subject)

Let us once more go into how much it's going to suck going back to Washington (aside from the orthodontics drama, may the gods have mercy):

The temperature in New Orleans today was 65 F.
The temperature in Ellensburg today was 14 F.

On Wednesday, when I'm supposed to be flying back, the temperature is something around, oh, let me think about it, ZERO DEGREES FAHRENHEIT.

That is practically a seventy degree temperature drop! Now I know why Tulane grads never leave New Orleans: why would you? Oh, God, this is going to suck so much, you have no idea. Please let the pass be open, please let the pass be open, please let the pass be open and not delayed...

Let's not even get into the fact that I'm going to have to, a, remember how to drive and, b, remember how to drive in snow. Let's get back to the fact I'm going to have to remember how to not freeze.


Randomly: oh my god, if I could vid, in a moment of cracktasticness, I would vid LWW to "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" from The Lion King. Possibly PC too; mostly LWW. Maybe BOTH. (It, uh, just came up in my iTunes queue.) Can't you just see it? Peter! Edmund! Susan! Lucy! NOT ANGST.

*wide eyes* OH. If not doing the Elton John version and doing the version from the movie with Simba and Zazu, it could switch back and forth between Peter and Edmund!

Okay, it's such a good thing for humanity I can't vid.